12 | MAY 14 • 2020 

Views

ily prescribed in Judaism, a 
solace for those in a fog of 
grief. We bury the dead, rip 
our garments, say the kad-
dish, and are in forced exile 
in our homes for seven days. 
This dual purpose of ritual 
– comfort and something to 
do – is a key aspect of shivah. 
In the midst of great sadness, 
heavily prescribed activities 
give the mourner tasks to in 
their paralyzed state. In a time 
of self-quarantine for medical 
reasons, we are in exile in a 
different setting. We have lost 
ones who we cannot accom-
pany. 
The next time I attend 
a funeral in person, I will 
mourn my cousin who 
died in his mid-50s and my 
brother’
s neighbor who was a 
doctor. Communal loss was 
felt when I recently opened a 
local newspaper, the Flatbush 
Jewish Journal, and saw 50 
pages of obituaries. I envy my 
Midwestern classmates who 
have not lost a single loved 
one. Every member of the 
wider Orthodox community 
feels like family.
As the world at large set-
tles in for the long haul in 
solitude, we seek methods to 
cope with the abject loss and 
loneliness. The attendees are 
not intellectually prioritizing a 

ritual over their health. They 
might rationalize dangerous 
behavior, and it is somewhat 
unjustifiable. They might 
be caught into the idea that 
they are doing a good deed. 
At times of loss, we return to 
our old habits and behaviors. 
Especially for a traditional 
community that is more resis-
tant to change. 
As we are stuck at home, 
we should empathize and seek 
connection with the other, 
with those who are far away 
from us physically and cultur-
ally. And as I contemplate the 
problematic images of funeral 
attendees not socially distanc-
ing, I hear the pitter-patter of 
Yiddish between mothers and 
their children in the waiting 
room of my pediatrician three 
blocks away. Those mothers, 
too, cared about the commu-
nity’
s health. They wanted to 
protect their families from 
harm, just like everyone else. 

Eli Reiter is a former Yeshiva teacher 

and Brooklynite who has written for 

the New York Times, Washington 

Post, Slate and other outlets. He can 

be reached at elireiter@gmail.com 

continued from page 8

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