12 | MAY 14 • 2020
Views
ily prescribed in Judaism, a
solace for those in a fog of
grief. We bury the dead, rip
our garments, say the kad-
dish, and are in forced exile
in our homes for seven days.
This dual purpose of ritual
– comfort and something to
do – is a key aspect of shivah.
In the midst of great sadness,
heavily prescribed activities
give the mourner tasks to in
their paralyzed state. In a time
of self-quarantine for medical
reasons, we are in exile in a
different setting. We have lost
ones who we cannot accom-
pany.
The next time I attend
a funeral in person, I will
mourn my cousin who
died in his mid-50s and my
brother’
s neighbor who was a
doctor. Communal loss was
felt when I recently opened a
local newspaper, the Flatbush
Jewish Journal, and saw 50
pages of obituaries. I envy my
Midwestern classmates who
have not lost a single loved
one. Every member of the
wider Orthodox community
feels like family.
As the world at large set-
tles in for the long haul in
solitude, we seek methods to
cope with the abject loss and
loneliness. The attendees are
not intellectually prioritizing a
ritual over their health. They
might rationalize dangerous
behavior, and it is somewhat
unjustifiable. They might
be caught into the idea that
they are doing a good deed.
At times of loss, we return to
our old habits and behaviors.
Especially for a traditional
community that is more resis-
tant to change.
As we are stuck at home,
we should empathize and seek
connection with the other,
with those who are far away
from us physically and cultur-
ally. And as I contemplate the
problematic images of funeral
attendees not socially distanc-
ing, I hear the pitter-patter of
Yiddish between mothers and
their children in the waiting
room of my pediatrician three
blocks away. Those mothers,
too, cared about the commu-
nity’
s health. They wanted to
protect their families from
harm, just like everyone else.
Eli Reiter is a former Yeshiva teacher
and Brooklynite who has written for
the New York Times, Washington
Post, Slate and other outlets. He can
be reached at elireiter@gmail.com
continued from page 8
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