MARCH 26 • 2020 | 5

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for starters
Marooned with Tons of TP

guest column
Snowbirds Count in Michigan

W

hen someone asks 
you, “What three 
items would you 
want with you if you were 
stranded on a desert island?” 
what do you 
usually answer? 
Typical answers 
are a Kindle (all 
that time to read), 
a phone (so you 
can call for help), 
chocolate (essen-
tial survival food). But did toilet 
paper ever make it high on your 
list? Presumably you’
d have some 
leaves at your disposal! Leaves 
too prickly? Wash off in the 
ocean.
Move over, desert islands. 
Now the question is, “If you 
were stranded in your house for 
an extended social distancing 
quarantine, what items would 
you want with you?” And the 
unanimous answer echoing 
around the world has clearly 
been: A lifetime supply of toilet 
paper.
Billions of rolls have been 
snapped up; people are wor-
ried they don’
t have enough. 
And it’
s happening all over! In 
Hong Kong, an armed gang 
stole 600 rolls of toilet paper. An 

Australian newspaper printed 
an issue with eight extra blank 
“one-ply” pages, you know, just 
in case their readers were really 
desperate. 
How did the coronavirus 
cause a TP shortage? As Dr. 
Steven Taylor, a professor, clin-
ical psychologist and author of 
The Psychology of Pandemics, 
said, it doesn’
t seem very logical: 
“Why toilet paper? It’
s not gonna 
stop you from getting infected!” 
He explained, “When you’
re 
presented with a pandemic, a 
big new, scary thing, and the 
government is telling us that we 
don’
t need to do anything special 
to deal with it — just wash your 
hands and so on — people feel 

the need to do something to 
prepare. So people are stocking 
up as a way of preparing them-
selves. When people do that, it’
s 
inevitable that some people are 
going to over-shop.
”
Fear is just as contagious as 
the coronavirus, if not more so. 
In fact, Taylor said if you ask 
most shoppers leaving grocery 
stores with mountains of toilet 
paper why they bought so much, 
many say things like, “I don’
t 
know; everyone else was.
”
Which is why if you see some 
panic-stricken people grabbing 
up all the toilet paper, you’
re 
more likely to feel anxious and 
start doing the same, causing 
even more people to run 

panic-stricken to the toilet paper 
aisle to stock up, too … Before 
we know it, the store shelves 
are completely empty, there’
s a 
nationwide shortage and that 
dilapidated old house that was 
TP’
d is listed on Zillow for $12.5 
million!
That age-old getting-to-
know-you question has actually 
materialized: What items would 
you bring to a desert island? 
Only now your desert island is 
your home, and your family’
s 
marooned along with you. We 
have literally all the comforts of 
home: toilet paper, WiFi, run-
ning water, electricity. Yup, we’
re 
holed up for some time. It’
s not 
easy. But we’
re all in the same 
boat. 
Try to enjoy your family 
(always easier said than done 
when in you’
re in tight quar-
ters with Those Who Annoy 
You Most). Watch movies. Play 
games. Do yardwork. Read. 
Mend things around the house. 
Prepare for Pesach (it’
s still com-
ing, corona pandemic or not!) 
Call a friend you haven’
t spoken 
to in ages. Call senior friends. 
Do yoga. Cook. Color. Dance. 
Sing. Write letters. 
Time will pass quickly. In the 
meantime, let’
s make the best of 
it. 

Rochel 
Burstyn

H

i, there, all you snow-
birds! If you are a 
Michigan resident who 
is away for the season — or less 
than six months 
— this is for you. 
The 2020 
Census is coming. 
You should be 
getting a piece 
of mail from the 
Census Bureau 

any day now, if it hasn’
t arrived 
already. The Census is used to 
decide how many members of 
Congress go to each state — a 
process called reapportion-
ment. It’
s also used to form 
the Congressional districts, 
legislative districts and county 
commissioner districts within 
Michigan — a process called 
redistricting. 
Census results are also used 

in calculating the distribution 
of more than $675 billion in 
federal funding. It’
s critical that 
Michigan get its fair share of 
that funding pot. That means 
we need everyone who resides 
in Michigan to be counted 
in Michigan. If you live in 
Michigan for at least six months 
a year, you’
re a Michigan resi-
dent. Make sure you get includ-
ed in the Census that way.

How can you do that? This 
month, you will receive mail-
ings with instructions for how 
to participate in the Census 
online. You can use a comput-
er, a tablet or your phone to 
do that. You’
ll get a mailing at 
your home address and likely at 
your seasonal address, as well 
(if it’
s in the U.S.). Each of these 
mailings will include a 12-digit 
Census ID code. When you go 

Patricia C. 
Becker

continued on page 6

Be sure to fi
 ll out the U.S. Census with your Michigan residence.

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