NOVEMBER 7 • 2019 | 5

Views

for starters

T

he voice-over guy in the 
Arby’
s TV commercials 
proudly boasts “Arby’
s, 
We have the meats!” Well, in 
California, you no longer have 
to go through their drive-thru 
to get your fast-food meat fix; 
you just have to keep driving 
until you hit 
something … 
and then eat it. 
Well, at least 
when a new law 
goes into effect 
in 2022.
California 
Gov. Gavin 
Newsom signed 
Senate Bill 395 a couple of 
weeks ago, which allows “per-
sons desiring to recover, pos-
sess, use or transport, for pur-
poses of salvaging wild game 
meat for human consumption 
of any deer, elk, pronghorn 
antelope or wild pig that has 
been accidentally killed as a 
result of a vehicle collision on 
a roadway within California.
” 
Just hearing the words prong-
horn antelope makes my 
mouth water. 
Don’
t let the 2022 start date 
put the brakes on your desire 
to eat roadkill now … You 
already can in Michigan! Plus, 
over two dozen other states 
in the U.S.D.A. — excuse me, 
U.S. But you must have a per-
mit.
The online application by 
the Michigan Department of 

Natural Resources “requires 
a person to obtain a free sal-
vage permit to possess wildlife 
killed in vehicular collisions.
” 
Before you get too excited that 
you just found a cheap alter-
native for your Thanksgiving 
table, be advised that wild tur-
key is one of several animals 
on our state’
s do-not-eat list. 
As a Michigan State grad, 
I did take note that wolverine
is not protected. I will forgo 
making a snide remark that 
could end up being motiva-
tional material for posting on 
U-M’
s team locker room bul-
letin board. The rivalry game 
is on Nov. 16 in Ann Arbor. 
Though I’
m sure Michigan 
fans are already saying they’
re 
going to eat us Spartans for 
lunch. Ha ha.
Sadly, not a day goes by 
that we drivers don’
t pass by 
roadkill — a lot of it. So much 
so, that I think it’
s safe to say 
Michigan drivers have not 
yet developed a taste for this 
unusual form of “meals on 
wheels” dining. 
You’
d like to think it 
would go without saying, but 
Michigan law clearly states the 
“permit does not apply to an 
individual who uses a motor 
vehicle to kill or injure game 
intentionally.
” In other words, 
hunters cannot add their vehi-
cles to their seasonal hunting 
arsenal. 
Are you among those, me 

included, who think leftovers 
taste better the next day? Well, 
it turns out, that might apply 
to roadkill. Michigan law states 
“the driver of the vehicle has 
first choice to take possession 
of the game. But if the driver 
leaves it, another individual 
may take it for salvage.
” I am 
not making this up.
With this knowledge, I 
think I might be able to parlay 
the “Roadkill Cafe” parodies 
I wrote on the Dick Purtan 
Show into a legitimate adver-
tising campaign featuring 
Rigor Mortis Tortoise for din-
ner and Road Toad A-la-Mode 
for dessert. “The Roadkill Cafe, 
where it tastes real good because 
it’
s straight from the hood.
” 
I think it’
s safe to say that 
roadkill meat is not kosher. 
But, if it gets sanctioned 
by Jewish law by next Yom 
Kippur, you’
ll be able to enjoy 
something really different for 
your break-fast, as long as 
you don’
t brake fast. Oh, wait, 
you can’
t mix meat and dairy. 
Sorry.
Well, valued JN readers, I 
hope this wasn’
t too distasteful. 
But if it was, just put some 
ketchup on it. 

Alan Muskovitz is a writer, voice-
over/acting talent, speaker, 
and emcee. Visit his website 
at laughwithbigal.com,“Like” Al 
on Facebook and reach him at 
amuskovitz@renmedia.us.

Alan 
Muskovitz
Contributing 
Writer

Bon Appetit!

The nonprofit Higher Hopes 
provides a Thanksgiving bounty 
for 1,000 families. 
Each Thanksgiving kit con-
tains a 12- to 14-pound turkey, 
stuffing, Michigan potatoes, 
yams, all of the ingredients for 
green bean casserole, chicken 
broth, Jiffy Corn Muffin Mix, 
cranberry sauce, apples, spices, 
and Coca Cola products, all 
topped off with Cooper Street 
Cookies for dessert and much 
more. 
Higher Hopes has expand-
ed to also provide nourishing 
45-pound meal kits each 
month to 1,000 families with 
children enrolled in the Detroit 
Early Head Start Childcare 
Partnership Program. 
Head Start families will 
receive supplemental food pack-
ages on a monthly basis.
“We’
ve seen an escalating 
growth because of the giving 
nature of all of our donors who 
provide funding and food to 
allow us to reach these impres-
sive food distribution goals,
” 
says Bill Birndorf, founder of 
Higher Hopes. “Giving is a huge 
catalyst to our success, and 
Detroiters and people from all 
over Michigan are extremely 
generous with their time and 
resources.
”
Corporate and individu-
al contributions are always 
welcome and can be made at 
higherhopesdetroit.org or at the 
Facebook page. 

Higher Hopes Begins 
Thanksgiving Drive