NOVEMBER 7 • 2019 | 5
Views
for starters
T
he voice-over guy in the
Arby’
s TV commercials
proudly boasts “Arby’
s,
We have the meats!” Well, in
California, you no longer have
to go through their drive-thru
to get your fast-food meat fix;
you just have to keep driving
until you hit
something …
and then eat it.
Well, at least
when a new law
goes into effect
in 2022.
California
Gov. Gavin
Newsom signed
Senate Bill 395 a couple of
weeks ago, which allows “per-
sons desiring to recover, pos-
sess, use or transport, for pur-
poses of salvaging wild game
meat for human consumption
of any deer, elk, pronghorn
antelope or wild pig that has
been accidentally killed as a
result of a vehicle collision on
a roadway within California.
”
Just hearing the words prong-
horn antelope makes my
mouth water.
Don’
t let the 2022 start date
put the brakes on your desire
to eat roadkill now … You
already can in Michigan! Plus,
over two dozen other states
in the U.S.D.A. — excuse me,
U.S. But you must have a per-
mit.
The online application by
the Michigan Department of
Natural Resources “requires
a person to obtain a free sal-
vage permit to possess wildlife
killed in vehicular collisions.
”
Before you get too excited that
you just found a cheap alter-
native for your Thanksgiving
table, be advised that wild tur-
key is one of several animals
on our state’
s do-not-eat list.
As a Michigan State grad,
I did take note that wolverine
is not protected. I will forgo
making a snide remark that
could end up being motiva-
tional material for posting on
U-M’
s team locker room bul-
letin board. The rivalry game
is on Nov. 16 in Ann Arbor.
Though I’
m sure Michigan
fans are already saying they’
re
going to eat us Spartans for
lunch. Ha ha.
Sadly, not a day goes by
that we drivers don’
t pass by
roadkill — a lot of it. So much
so, that I think it’
s safe to say
Michigan drivers have not
yet developed a taste for this
unusual form of “meals on
wheels” dining.
You’
d like to think it
would go without saying, but
Michigan law clearly states the
“permit does not apply to an
individual who uses a motor
vehicle to kill or injure game
intentionally.
” In other words,
hunters cannot add their vehi-
cles to their seasonal hunting
arsenal.
Are you among those, me
included, who think leftovers
taste better the next day? Well,
it turns out, that might apply
to roadkill. Michigan law states
“the driver of the vehicle has
first choice to take possession
of the game. But if the driver
leaves it, another individual
may take it for salvage.
” I am
not making this up.
With this knowledge, I
think I might be able to parlay
the “Roadkill Cafe” parodies
I wrote on the Dick Purtan
Show into a legitimate adver-
tising campaign featuring
Rigor Mortis Tortoise for din-
ner and Road Toad A-la-Mode
for dessert. “The Roadkill Cafe,
where it tastes real good because
it’
s straight from the hood.
”
I think it’
s safe to say that
roadkill meat is not kosher.
But, if it gets sanctioned
by Jewish law by next Yom
Kippur, you’
ll be able to enjoy
something really different for
your break-fast, as long as
you don’
t brake fast. Oh, wait,
you can’
t mix meat and dairy.
Sorry.
Well, valued JN readers, I
hope this wasn’
t too distasteful.
But if it was, just put some
ketchup on it.
Alan Muskovitz is a writer, voice-
over/acting talent, speaker,
and emcee. Visit his website
at laughwithbigal.com,“Like” Al
on Facebook and reach him at
amuskovitz@renmedia.us.
Alan
Muskovitz
Contributing
Writer
Bon Appetit!
The nonprofit Higher Hopes
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Higher Hopes has expand-
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”
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”
Corporate and individu-
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higherhopesdetroit.org or at the
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Higher Hopes Begins
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