6 | OCTOBER 3 • 2019

L

ike so many of you, I’
m
a working mom trying
to juggle it all — my kid,
my job and, you know, my
life. For the High Holidays,
I was inspired to write a
working parents’
version of
the Ashamnu,
an alphabetic
acrostic of
our collective
transgressions,
which is part
of the public
confession we
recite during
Yom Kippur.
This year, 5780, I strive to
acknowledge my wrongdoings,
to do better by my little guy and
my family, and to forgive myself
and others more.
For the sin of not
acknowledging mistakes,
and not asking when we need
help and not meaningfully
apologizing as much as we
should.
For the sin of talking about
how busy we are.
For the sin of trying to
control everything, even
when we know that’
s totally
impossible and frustrating.
For the sin of being
distracted and not giving our
children our full attention.
For the sin of having no
energy at the end of a long
workday to truly connect or
play with our kids.
For the sin of forgiving in
others what we can’
t find a way
to forgive in ourselves.
For the sin of giving more
attention to our professional
work than to our kids.

For the sin of not doing
everything we can to help, for
not using every extra ounce
of energy, every extra penny,
every extra waking moment
to do what we can for children
separated from their families at
the border.
For the sin of Instagram:
spending too much time on it,
and for only showing all that is
beautiful and fun instead of the
hard, everyday truths.
For the sin of judging other
parents and the decisions they
make for their kids and families.
(I’
m still so upset with myself
for judging that mom who had
her toddler with her at Target
at 11 p.m. — more likely she
had no o
ther time to run those

critical errands and no one to
watch her child.)
For the sin of thinking we
know best.
For the sin of lamenting the
easier days before we had kids.
For the sin of making
excuses.
For the sin of saying “no” so
often.
For the sin of over-
programming, overscheduling
and overindulging our children.
For the sin of prescribing our
children’
s interests by allowing
capitalism to dictate what toys
and clothes we purchase for
them. (Really, why is the doll
aisle so pink? And why are
dinosaurs a boy thing?)
For the sin of questioning

the intentions of others instead
of assuming everyone is doing
the best they can.
For the sin of resisting
when sometimes it’
s easier to
just say yes. (But also: vive la
resistance!)
For the sin of keeping our
heads down looking at our
screens.
For the sin of too much
television and not enough
conversation.
For the sin of undermining
how hard we work when we
obsess over how we can do
better.
For the sin of not voting and
not vaccinating. (#sorrynotsorry
— I have strong opinions
that neither of these are OK
choices.)
For the sin of wanting more
instead of being content with
what we have.
For the sin of xenophobia
— something that I abhor in
others but fear I may practice in
small and unknowing ways.
For the sin of yelling.
For the sin of thinking about
parenting in terms of zero days
(losing) or 100 days (winning)
— when we know many days
are just going to be a 40-degree
day, and that’
s OK.
May the gates of repentance
be open to us all. G’
mar
Chatima Tovah!

Shira Zemel is a working mom in

Washington, D.C., where she directs

youth leadership development at the

Religious Action Center of Reform

Judaism. She and her husband have a

2-year-old son.

Shira Zemel
Kveller via
JTA

ARIEL SKELLEY/GETTY IMAGES

essay

The Working Parents’ Collective
Apology On Yom Kippur

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