16 | SEPTEMBER 12 • 2019
and better bagels!
They agree they have found it
easy to assimilate into the Jewish
community in Philadelphia.
They have been members of a
local synagogue since they moved
to town, and their children
attended Jewish preschool. They
say it’
s just as easy for them to
play “Jewish geography” in Philly
as in Detroit and, when they
moved there, many of the Jewish
people they met had family back
in Detroit.
“The Northeast seems to
have just as many Jewish camps
as the Midwest, and our kids
have had a blast participating in
Maccabiah, Gaga and Shabbat
traditions at sleepaway camp,”
Allison said. “We run into quite
a few Michigan fans here,” Adam
adds, “so you can occasionally
catch me shouting ‘
Go Blue!’
at
strangers at synagogue on the
High Holidays.”
They were raised not only to
tolerate but also to appreciate
different religious and political
views, and they worry it will be
hard for their children to learn
those values.
“Although we try to emphasize
them in our home, it’
s impossi-
ble to escape the xenophobia that
seems to be increasingly rampant
in America. We’
ve done our best
to shelter our kids from preju-
dice, but when they leave the
house, we don’
t have control over
what they see and hear,”
Allison
remarked.
The Grants say they agree one
mistake parents make is pushing
kids to outperform their peers
instead of encouraging them to
pursue their own learning and
mastery. To them, that means
nurturing and developing their
natural strengths along with
trying out new challenges and
overcoming obstacles.
Regarding rules on “com-
puter screen time” at the
Grant household,
Adam and Allison
don’
t worry too much
about the quantity of
screen-time — they
care much more
about the quali-
ty. They encour-
age their kids to
engage actively
with electronic
devices through reading,
solving puzzles, and playing
math and word games rather
than just passively watching
shows. Sometimes they play
video games, but they’
ve also
learned to code their own
basic video games, which helps
promote mathematical and
analytical skills.
Adam and Allison also men-
tioned the children’
s books that
most inspired them during their
childhood in suburban Detroit.
One of Allison’
s favorite pic-
ture books was The Pain and
the Great One by Judy Blume,
and later Little Women. Adam
has early memories of loving
Alexander and the Terrible,
Horrible, No-Good-Very-Bad-Day,
which eventually was displaced
by The Westing Game. Today,
they both love Beautiful Oops! by
Barney Saltzberg.
“We view it as a brilliantly
written and illustrated book
with a powerful message for kids
about how it’
s not only OK to
make mistakes — sometimes
mistakes actually make kids
more creative,” Adam said.
When asked about writing
Option B, if any particular
insights arose about having dif-
ficult conversations with their
children, such as at the loss of
a loved one, Adam remarked
about a personal loss.
“I was devastated to lose my
friend and mentor Jeff Zaslow in
2012,” he said. “The most help-
ful insight I gained about dealing
with sudden loss came from
Allison. She reminded me that
no matter how bad the situation
was, it could always be worse.
“Jeff was tragically killed in
a car accident, and although it
seemed like the worst possible
situation, it was important to
remember there could have been
other people in the car with
him,” Adam said.
In Option B, he ended up
sharing that in the darkest
moments, gratitude can be
found by shifting one’
s perspec-
tive to appreciate what we still
have. The lesson: When talking
to children about difficult situ-
ations, it can help them to see
that even when things seem bad,
there is still good to be found.
When asked about the chal-
lenges of parenting, they say they
don’
t think parents should be
focused on fostering professional
potential.
“Teaching kids to define
themselves by their career
accomplishments sets them up
for misery,” Adam said. “Too
many parents end up becoming
helicopter parents or snowplow
parents, which prevents kids
from developing independence
and resilience.
“We believe the responsibility
of parents is to encourage kids to
take pride in excellence, but also
nurture virtues like generosity,
curiosity and integrity.”
Jews in the D
“When talking
to children
about diffi
cult
situations, it
can help them
to see that even
when things
seem bad, there
is still good to
be found.”
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