September 5 • 2019 5
jn

T

he change of seasons is over 
two weeks away, but I’
ve 
already gotten a head start on 
a couple of major changes in my life. 
For the first time in nearly 40 years, 
I’
ll be conducting business without 
the use of a (drum roll) land line! 
Yep, just a few days 
ago, I eliminated my 
dedicated “Big Al 
Communications” 
phone line.
This is all part of 
the never-ending 
evolution of commu-
nication technology. 
I can still recall in 
vivid detail that day in November of 
1964 when our family moved into 
our new home in Southfield. The 
first thing I did was call my older 
brother. “Hal, you are not going to 
believe this. I just called you on a 
phone that has push buttons instead 
of a rotary dial!” I believe my next 
words were: “That’
s one small step 
for man, one giant leap for man-
kind.”
I wouldn’
t experience anoth-
er evolutionary communications 
moment like that until I finally got 
rid of my AOL internet account, 
which I was paying for on a month-
ly basis, for years, despite the fact 
my exasperated kids kept telling me 
you could get it for free. 

Canceling my business land 
line was difficult, but not as 
heart-wrenching as last year when I 
gave away my carrier pigeons.
By the way, I’
m not going out of 
business by any means; that being a 
writer, voiceover talent, speaker and 
emcee. But the fact of the matter is 
nearly 100 percent of my business 
contacts reach me by cell. 
It was, however, a far more press-
ing issue that finally forced my hand 
to “cut the cord,” and it came in the 
form of four words — endless … 
annoying … marketing … calls. 
I was receiving nonstop solicita-
tions day and night, usually several 
in a row by mid-morning and then 
another round during the dinner 
hour. Of course, I didn’
t answer 
them, but the constant ringing was 
unnerving. Without fail, every call 
would remind me of the Seinfeld 
episode where Jerry asks for a tele-
marketer’
s home phone number so 
he could call them back so the sales-
person would know how it feels.
I turn 65 next February, which 
explains why the bulk of the mar-
keting calls coming in were from 
companies who offered their help 
with another major life-altering 
change coming my way … signing 
up for Medicare. 
I spent two hours last week with 
my insurance agent reviewing my 

choices for Medicare Supplement 
Insurance, commonly referred to 
as Medi-Gap, which, at first, I mis-
takenly thought was a hip clothing 
store for aging citizens with medical 
issues.
There are 10 Medicare 
Supplement Insurance plans to 
choose from, identified as Plans A, 
B, C, D, F, G, K, L, M and N; which, 
if memory serves me, were also the 
last two rows of letters on my last 
eye exam. In both instances, hearing 
about the plans and reading the eye 
chart both ended up being a blur. 
I have to admit, excluding the 
Medicare solicitations, there are a 
few scam calls I do miss. My favorite 
is the one that warned me I’
m about 
to be arrested for not paying my 
taxes. Then there was the lady who 
left me a voicemail who could barely 
contain her excitement about sig-
nificant changes to my federal stu-
dent loan she wanted to share with 
me. Well, Holly, I was extremely 
fortunate not to be strapped with a 
student loan upon graduating MSU 
in 1978, but it was so nice of you to 
call me 41 years later to check in.
Holly actually left me her direct 
phone number to call her back to 
discuss my options. I’
m thinking of 
calling her back, hoping I get her 
voicemail. Only I’
ll leave her with 
a return phone number of another 
solicitor who called me recently. 
I mean, who knows, maybe Holly 
needs some replacement 
windows. ■

Alan Muskovitz is a writer, voice-over/acting 
talent, speaker, and emcee. Visit his website 
at laughwithbigal.com,“Like” Al on Facebook 
and reach him at amuskovitz@renmedia.us.

views

Alan Muskovitz
Contributing Writer

Cutting the Cord

ISTOCK

letters

Focus on Education
Jeff Lasday’
s column (Aug. 22, page 
8) regarding local Jewish educa-
tion is a much-needed challenge to 
our community. We must address 
the reality that our congregational 
schools are failing in their mission 
to educate Jewish children. The 

decline in enrollment of 100 stu-
dents per year is only part of the 
story. As a community, we should 
insist on actual attendance statistics 
including class size. It is impossible 
to run schools with classes that have 
a handful of students who attend 
sporadically. 
While congregational schools 
suffer from demographic trends, the 
decades-long failure to educate the 

parents of present school-age chil-
dren is equally significant. 
It is long past time for the 
non-Orthodox synagogues to 
work cooperatively with adequate 
resources to create community 
afternoon schools and to address 
adult education.

Frank J. Ellias

West Bloomfield

for openers

