September 5 • 2019 5
jn
T
he change of seasons is over
two weeks away, but I’
ve
already gotten a head start on
a couple of major changes in my life.
For the first time in nearly 40 years,
I’
ll be conducting business without
the use of a (drum roll) land line!
Yep, just a few days
ago, I eliminated my
dedicated “Big Al
Communications”
phone line.
This is all part of
the never-ending
evolution of commu-
nication technology.
I can still recall in
vivid detail that day in November of
1964 when our family moved into
our new home in Southfield. The
first thing I did was call my older
brother. “Hal, you are not going to
believe this. I just called you on a
phone that has push buttons instead
of a rotary dial!” I believe my next
words were: “That’
s one small step
for man, one giant leap for man-
kind.”
I wouldn’
t experience anoth-
er evolutionary communications
moment like that until I finally got
rid of my AOL internet account,
which I was paying for on a month-
ly basis, for years, despite the fact
my exasperated kids kept telling me
you could get it for free.
Canceling my business land
line was difficult, but not as
heart-wrenching as last year when I
gave away my carrier pigeons.
By the way, I’
m not going out of
business by any means; that being a
writer, voiceover talent, speaker and
emcee. But the fact of the matter is
nearly 100 percent of my business
contacts reach me by cell.
It was, however, a far more press-
ing issue that finally forced my hand
to “cut the cord,” and it came in the
form of four words — endless …
annoying … marketing … calls.
I was receiving nonstop solicita-
tions day and night, usually several
in a row by mid-morning and then
another round during the dinner
hour. Of course, I didn’
t answer
them, but the constant ringing was
unnerving. Without fail, every call
would remind me of the Seinfeld
episode where Jerry asks for a tele-
marketer’
s home phone number so
he could call them back so the sales-
person would know how it feels.
I turn 65 next February, which
explains why the bulk of the mar-
keting calls coming in were from
companies who offered their help
with another major life-altering
change coming my way … signing
up for Medicare.
I spent two hours last week with
my insurance agent reviewing my
choices for Medicare Supplement
Insurance, commonly referred to
as Medi-Gap, which, at first, I mis-
takenly thought was a hip clothing
store for aging citizens with medical
issues.
There are 10 Medicare
Supplement Insurance plans to
choose from, identified as Plans A,
B, C, D, F, G, K, L, M and N; which,
if memory serves me, were also the
last two rows of letters on my last
eye exam. In both instances, hearing
about the plans and reading the eye
chart both ended up being a blur.
I have to admit, excluding the
Medicare solicitations, there are a
few scam calls I do miss. My favorite
is the one that warned me I’
m about
to be arrested for not paying my
taxes. Then there was the lady who
left me a voicemail who could barely
contain her excitement about sig-
nificant changes to my federal stu-
dent loan she wanted to share with
me. Well, Holly, I was extremely
fortunate not to be strapped with a
student loan upon graduating MSU
in 1978, but it was so nice of you to
call me 41 years later to check in.
Holly actually left me her direct
phone number to call her back to
discuss my options. I’
m thinking of
calling her back, hoping I get her
voicemail. Only I’
ll leave her with
a return phone number of another
solicitor who called me recently.
I mean, who knows, maybe Holly
needs some replacement
windows. ■
Alan Muskovitz is a writer, voice-over/acting
talent, speaker, and emcee. Visit his website
at laughwithbigal.com,“Like” Al on Facebook
and reach him at amuskovitz@renmedia.us.
views
Alan Muskovitz
Contributing Writer
Cutting the Cord
ISTOCK
letters
Focus on Education
Jeff Lasday’
s column (Aug. 22, page
8) regarding local Jewish educa-
tion is a much-needed challenge to
our community. We must address
the reality that our congregational
schools are failing in their mission
to educate Jewish children. The
decline in enrollment of 100 stu-
dents per year is only part of the
story. As a community, we should
insist on actual attendance statistics
including class size. It is impossible
to run schools with classes that have
a handful of students who attend
sporadically.
While congregational schools
suffer from demographic trends, the
decades-long failure to educate the
parents of present school-age chil-
dren is equally significant.
It is long past time for the
non-Orthodox synagogues to
work cooperatively with adequate
resources to create community
afternoon schools and to address
adult education.
Frank J. Ellias
West Bloomfield
for openers