6 July 4 • 2019
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I

t was second semester of my soph-
omore year when I found myself 
in a drawing class with Britney, a 
freshman with a deep passion for art (all 
names are pseudonyms). Britney and I 
found ourselves talking 
a lot about Britney’
s boy-
friend Ashton. Britney 
beamed about Ashton, 
gloating that they did 
everything together. 
They were the ideal cou-
ple. Yet, a relationship 
that once seemed like 
a dream swiftly turned 
into a nightmare. One class, Britney 
told me how Ashton would secretly see 
other women to get back at her. A few 
days later, Britney told me how Ashton 
would threaten her. Finally, Britney told 
me how Ashton touched her without her 
permission. What was I supposed to do 
now?
There was no doubt in my mind that 
what Britney described to me was sexual 
assault. I had endured years of education 
in school about sexual assault but nev-
ertheless I did not know what action to 
take. Was Britney telling me about her 
assault as a sign she wanted me to inter-
vene, or did she just need someone to 
talk to about it? If I wanted to intervene, 
what would I even do?
My past education seemed to offer no 

answers. In school and religious school, 
we had discussions on the evolution of 
women’
s rights, sexual assault and the 
continuing struggle for gender equality. 
However, during these conversations, I 
and many of the other men in the room 
felt cut off. We did not contribute to 
the conversation for the fear of coming 
off misogynistic or “mansplaining” the 
issue. We were tongue-tied. Everyone in 
the room was in favor of gender equal-
ity, but only half of us felt comfortable 
talking about it.
With the rise of the #metoo move-
ment, the issue of male isolation has only 
gotten worse. The #metoo movement 
has brought the issue of domestic abuse 
to the forefront of our societal conversa-
tion, bringing transgressors from Harvey 
Weinstein to Bill Cosby to justice. 
However, the movement has swelled the 
mentality that all men are threatening; 
all men could be perpetrators of sexual 
assault. Many men who are sympathetic 
to women facing sexual abuse now feel 
attacked by the very people they still try 
to support. What should we do now?
In response to large problems, 
Judaism offers answers. The Jewish 
value of B’
tzelem Elohim requires us to 
find dignity in every human being, as 
all humans were made in the image of 
God. This demands women’
s equality 
throughout all walks of life and pro-

claims an attack on women is an attack 
on God and all humanity. Additionally, 
the Jewish value of Al Tifrosh Min 
Hatzibur commands us to find unity. 
To best address sexual assault, men and 
women need to work together, not be 
put against each other. Finally, all of 
these values fit under the larger umbrella 
of tzedakah, justice, and tikkun olam, 
repairing the world, both of which 
demand indomitable action against sex-
ual assault.
With these Jewish values in mind, I 
began to think about how I could help 
end sexual violence. From personal 
experience, I know men feel uncom-
fortable talking directly to women about 
sexual assault. I figured something 
needed to be done to bridge the gap of 
understanding between women and 
sympathetic men. However, when think-
ing about what I could do, I quickly real-
ized I couldn’
t do anything alone.
My temple youth director Scott Lowen 
introduced me to 100 Mensches, an 
organization that helps bring men into 
the conversation about sexual assault. 
Their philosophy is that we can only 
stop sexual assault if we all work togeth-
er. 100 Mensches also works closely with 
the Jewish Coalition Against Domestic 
Abuse and frequently helps offer com-
munity education programs and par-
ticipates in the communitywide purple 
ribbon campaign against sexual assault. 
100 Mensches brings the possibility of a 
man-to-man conversation about domes-
tic abuse to life.
With a strong ally in the Jewish 
community, I found the only sensible 
solution is to work together. Taboo in 

high school halls and receiving little to 
no attention in health classes, domestic 
abuse and its consequences need to be 
taught to the young men of today. As 
men prefer to talk to men and young 
people prefer to talk to young people, I 
propose the creation of a young people’
s 
division of 100 Mensches called Koof 
Shalichim or “100 Messengers” to edu-
cate young men on the topic of domestic 
abuse and sexual harassment. 
Holding meetings and seminars at 
schools and synagogues, Koof Shalichim 
would provide much needed education 
on the problems surrounding domestic 
abuse and how our generation can best 
prevent sexual assault. In addition to 
partnering with 100 Mensches, Koof 
Shalichim would also partner with 
BBYO and temple youth groups to have 
speakers and hold programs to increase 
the community’
s understanding of the 
issue of sexual assault. Only together can 
we stop domestic abuse. 
As the leaders of tomorrow, it is indis-
putable my peers and I are the future for 
a better world. We have a strong passion 
for tikkun olam and will work tirelessly 
until our world is a better place. We are 
the dawn of an age free of sexual assault, 
if only you give us the chance. ■

 
Editor’
s Note: 100 Mensches is focused 
on fighting domestic abuse. Each year 
it raises awareness of domestic abuse by 
engaging high school juniors and seniors 
with an essay contest. Sherman is this 
year’
s winner.

Tom Sherman is a rising senior at Bloomfield Hills 

High School. 

Tom Sherman

essay

Man to Man
A “defenses down” solution to sexual assault.

