June 6 • 2019 5
jn

E

ver watch Animal Fight 
Night (AFN) on the 
National Geographic 
cable network Nat Geo Wild? 
It features fascinating species 
in the animal kingdom — 
everything 
from bugs 
to baboons, 
fish to fowl 
— going toe 
to toe, tusk to 
tusk, horn to 
horn, or what-
ever extremity 
the evolution-
ary process provided the 
featured animals on each 
episode’
s fight card. 
Animal Fight Night is truly 
the survival of the fittest and is far 
more educational than the fights you 
see on Bravo’
s The Real Housewives 
of New Jersey, which is survival of the 
stupidest.
Well, I have exciting news that will 
have the producers of AFN packing 
their camera gear and hustling to 
West Bloomfield to chronicle argu-
ably their most intriguing battle to 
date — an interspecies free-for-all 
featuring two wild turkeys vs. 75-year 
old Elana Lerner of West Bloomfield! 
A few weeks ago, Elana was on a 
nature walk near 14 Mile and Drake 
when she happened upon a small 
gang of gobblers and 
what ensued was a tur-
key turf war. 
Elana planned on 
innocently strolling 
past the birds, but the 
feathered fowl would 
have none of it. Two of 
the male birds lunged 
toward her. Startled, she froze in fear 
and attempted to swat the turkeys 

away with her cell phone, but to no 
avail. That’
s when she chose a dif-
ferent tactic you might call “Turkey 
Whispering.” It was more like a tur-
key conversation. 
Elana told me she confronted 
the birds saying: “OK, who will be 
stronger. You or me?!” It turned out 
to be the turkeys. Two passing cars 
witnessed the bird vs. human alterca-
tion and came to Elana’
s aid, stopping 
and distracting the turkeys until they 
retreated. 
Lessoned learned: Never negotiate 
with terrorist turkeys. Elana was left 
bruised and battered but thankfully 
not bloodied by the encounter. 
It turns out Elana is a photography 
enthusiast and, even while caught 
in the middle of her turkey trauma, 
she had the wherewithal to snap pic-
tures documenting the encounter on 
her iPhone. Her only regret was not 
hitting the video button to capture 
live-action footage. 
Unfortunately, while on another 
walk a few days later, Elana sustained 
further injuries when she lost another 

fight — this time with a 
broken piece of sidewalk. 
She fell and suffered a bro-
ken elbow that required 
a visit to the emergency 
room. Thankfully, she 
avoided surgery, but not a 
sling that will be with her 
well into June.
While on the mend, 
Elana couldn’
t resist 
returning to the scene of 
the crime. She drove back 
and, sure enough, the tur-
keys lay in wait. From the 
safe confines of her car, she 
rolled her window down 
and yelled to the turkeys: 
“Hi, what are you going 
to do to me now?” The 
turkeys actually ran toward the car! 
Elana swears they recognized her 
voice.
Elana moved here from Israel 19 
years ago. She never could’
ve predict-
ed she would survive the Gulf War 
but lose a fight to a couple of wild 
turkeys.
I’
m no stranger to these turkeys. 
I’
ve seen them grazing in our neigh-
borhood, and last year I witnessed a 
lone, rogue turkey holding up traffic 
in all directions while it boldly stood 
in the middle of the intersection at 
Maple and Middlebelt.
In the meantime, after hearing 
Elana’
s story I think I’
ve come up 
with a foolproof way to stave off a 
wild turkey encounter. I would just 
stare that bird down and say: “Hey, 
you, I understand you taste like 
chicken.” ■

Alan Muskovitz is a writer, voice-over/acting 
talent, speaker and emcee. Visit his website at 

laughwithbigal.com.

views

for starters
Terrorist Turkeys in West Bloomfi
 eld!

letters

The Historic Black-
Jewish Coalition
The article on Brenda Lawrence in 
your May 23 edition (“Solidifying 
Relationships,
” page 32) evoked memo-
ries of an earlier period of history. Her 
efforts to create a Black Jewish Caucus 
in Congress mirror an earlier period 
of Detroit and American history when 

blacks, Jews and Labor worked together 
politically.
In the 1930s and 1940s, Detroit’
s 
black and Jewish populations were 
the targets of anti-Semitism and rac-
ism. Demagogues like Father Charles 
Coughlin in Royal Oak and Gerald 
L.K. Smith in Louisiana were broad-
casting anti-Semitic tirades, while 
fascist and neo-Nazi groups were 

attacking Jews, blacks and labor leaders 
as being anti-American, furthering 
Communism and baiting Americans to 
enter the war against Germany. 
In response, both in Detroit and else-
where, a coalition was formed between 
black, Jewish and labor organizations, 
to protect the rights of minorities in the 
face of this onslaught of prejudice. 
Sadly, we are once more experiencing 

Elana Lerner

These “terrorist turkeys” were part of the gang that attacked Elana Lerner.

ELANA LERNER 

continued on page 10

Alan Muskovitz

