May 9 • 2019 5
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NASA/BILL INGALLS
Space, the Pistons,
Queen Elizabeth & the
Mueller Report — Oh, My!
N
ASA
’
s InSight Lander, which
arrived on Mars last Nov.
26, has sent an exciting
transmission. According to the space
agency’
s website, the lander’
s Seismic
Experiment for Interior
Structure instrument
recorded a faint
seismic audio signal on
April 6, described as
the first likely recorded
“Mars-quake” on the
Red Planet. You can
hear the fascinating
eerie sounds for
yourself by visiting mars.nasa.gov.
In a related story, the U.S. Geological
Survey (USGS), which tracks seismic
activity on Earth, recorded two
significant events in the Metro Detroit
area over the last several days.
On the evening of April 22,
a gigantic thud was detected in
Downtown Detroit. After careful
analysis, it was determined that thud
was attributed to the Pistons being
swept in four games by the Milwaukee
Bucks in the NBA playoffs — losing
each game by an average of 24 points.
With the sweep, Detroit set a new NBA
record with its 14th consecutive playoff
loss.
Just five days later, on the evening
of April 27, another strange and
disturbing large rumbling occurred in
the Detroit area. The next morning,
the USGS confirmed the off-the-charts
seismograph reverberations were
a result of our Jewish community’
s
stomachs having just finished eating
matzah for eight days.
From a rumble to a Hubble — space
telescope, that is. The famed telescope
celebrated its 25th anniversary on
April 24. Over the last quarter-century,
astronauts have visited Hubble on five
maintenance missions.
The following is a partial transcript
of the last communication between
Hubble and a visiting astronaut who
performed a routine checkup on the
telescope’
s lenses in May of 2009.
Astronaut: Hubble, do you see
better through lens No. 1 or No. 2?
Hubble: 2.
Astronaut: No. 2 or No. 3?
Hubble: Um, can you do that again?
Astronaut: Sure. 2 or 3?
Hubble: Gosh, they’
re so close.
Astronaut: No. 2 or 3?
Hubble: I’
ll say 3. Wait, 2. No,
sorry, 3.
NASA says the next checkup on
the Hubble Space Telescope will take
place on its 50th anniversary, at which
time Hubble will be outfitted with
progressive lenses. The astronaut is
scheduled to arrive at the telescope
on April 24, 2044, sometime between
noon and 5 p.m.
Speaking of celebrations, best
wishes to my alter ego, Queen
Elizabeth, who turned 93 on April
21. I portrayed her majesty on the
Dick Purtan Show for many years,
even dressing up like her on several
occasions. Talk about a resume
booster.
You think the TV hit Game of
Thrones is a big deal? Try sitting on a
throne like the Queen has for the last
67 years. To her credit, not once has
she complained about her legs falling
asleep.
Speaking of which, your legs will
definitely fall asleep if you try to read
the 448-page Mueller Report in one
sitting. And, boy, am I disappointed
in Special Counsel Robert Mueller.
He took two years to prepare the
448-page report and there are only
four pictures in it? Really? Look for
yourself — pages 39, 42, 94 and 99.
The report is available free on the
internet, but, and I love this, three
versions of it actually held three of the
four top spots on Amazon’
s bestseller
list. In first place was the version by
the Washington Post; that, with their
analysis and opinions, brought the
total number of pages to 736.
I’
ve been debating whether to read
the Mueller Report or wait for the
1,236-hour movie. In the meantime,
if you have read it, please, don’
t tell me
how it ends! ■
Alan Muskovitz is a writer, voice-over/acting
talent, speaker, and emcee. Visit his website at
laughwithbigal.com,“Like” Al on Facebook and
reach him at amuskovitz@renmedia.us.
NASA’
s InSight Lander listens to Martian wind.
NASA/JPL-CALTECH
letters
Ready to Serve
Congregation T’
chiyah — a
Reconstructionist synagogue that
meets on the A. Alfred Taubman
Jewish Community Campus in Oak
Park and various locales in Detroit —
understands the trend of young fam-
ilies seeking Jewish community along
the Woodward Corridor (“Young
Jewish Detroiters Heading Eastward,”
March 28, 2019). Since the hiring of
Rabbi Alana Alpert in 2014 and our
founding of Detroit Jews for Justice,
we have watched our congregation’
s
demographics shift alongside our
neighborhood’
s, growing younger, hip-
per and more diverse. Our once small,
lay-led havurah of older progressive
Jews has become a thriving communi-
ty of families and singles.
Founded in Downtown Detroit
in 1977 as an independent havurah,
T’
chiyah has always welcomed inter-
faith Jewish families and others mar-
ginalized by the mainstream. In 2017,
we replaced traditional dues with a
Alan
Muskovitz
Queen Elizabeth greets
NASA employees, 2007
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