May 9 • 2019 5
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NASA/BILL INGALLS 

Space, the Pistons,
Queen Elizabeth & the
Mueller Report — Oh, My!
N

ASA
’
s InSight Lander, which 
arrived on Mars last Nov. 
26, has sent an exciting 
transmission. According to the space 
agency’
s website, the lander’
s Seismic 
Experiment for Interior 
Structure instrument 
recorded a faint 
seismic audio signal on 
April 6, described as 
the first likely recorded 
“Mars-quake” on the 
Red Planet. You can 
hear the fascinating 
eerie sounds for 
yourself by visiting mars.nasa.gov.
In a related story, the U.S. Geological 
Survey (USGS), which tracks seismic 
activity on Earth, recorded two 
significant events in the Metro Detroit 
area over the last several days. 
On the evening of April 22, 
a gigantic thud was detected in 
Downtown Detroit. After careful 
analysis, it was determined that thud 
was attributed to the Pistons being 
swept in four games by the Milwaukee 
Bucks in the NBA playoffs — losing 
each game by an average of 24 points. 
With the sweep, Detroit set a new NBA 
record with its 14th consecutive playoff 
loss.
Just five days later, on the evening 
of April 27, another strange and 
disturbing large rumbling occurred in 
the Detroit area. The next morning, 
the USGS confirmed the off-the-charts 
seismograph reverberations were 
a result of our Jewish community’
s 
stomachs having just finished eating 
matzah for eight days.
From a rumble to a Hubble — space 

telescope, that is. The famed telescope 
celebrated its 25th anniversary on 
April 24. Over the last quarter-century, 
astronauts have visited Hubble on five 
maintenance missions. 
The following is a partial transcript 
of the last communication between 
Hubble and a visiting astronaut who 
performed a routine checkup on the 
telescope’
s lenses in May of 2009.
 
Astronaut: Hubble, do you see 
better through lens No. 1 or No. 2?
Hubble: 2.
Astronaut: No. 2 or No. 3?
Hubble: Um, can you do that again?
Astronaut: Sure. 2 or 3?
Hubble: Gosh, they’
re so close.
Astronaut: No. 2 or 3?
 
Hubble: I’
ll say 3. Wait, 2. No, 
sorry, 3.
NASA says the next checkup on 
the Hubble Space Telescope will take 
place on its 50th anniversary, at which 
time Hubble will be outfitted with 
progressive lenses. The astronaut is 
scheduled to arrive at the telescope 
on April 24, 2044, sometime between 
noon and 5 p.m. 
Speaking of celebrations, best 
wishes to my alter ego, Queen 

Elizabeth, who turned 93 on April 
21. I portrayed her majesty on the 
Dick Purtan Show for many years, 
even dressing up like her on several 
occasions. Talk about a resume 
booster. 
You think the TV hit Game of 
Thrones is a big deal? Try sitting on a 
throne like the Queen has for the last 
67 years. To her credit, not once has 
she complained about her legs falling 
asleep.
Speaking of which, your legs will 
definitely fall asleep if you try to read 
the 448-page Mueller Report in one 
sitting. And, boy, am I disappointed 
in Special Counsel Robert Mueller. 
He took two years to prepare the 
448-page report and there are only 
four pictures in it? Really? Look for 
yourself — pages 39, 42, 94 and 99. 
The report is available free on the 
internet, but, and I love this, three 
versions of it actually held three of the 
four top spots on Amazon’
s bestseller 
list. In first place was the version by 
the Washington Post; that, with their 
analysis and opinions, brought the 
total number of pages to 736. 
I’
ve been debating whether to read 
the Mueller Report or wait for the 
1,236-hour movie. In the meantime, 
if you have read it, please, don’
t tell me 
how it ends! ■

Alan Muskovitz is a writer, voice-over/acting 
talent, speaker, and emcee. Visit his website at 
laughwithbigal.com,“Like” Al on Facebook and 
reach him at amuskovitz@renmedia.us.
NASA’
s InSight Lander listens to Martian wind.

NASA/JPL-CALTECH

letters

Ready to Serve
Congregation T’
chiyah — a 
Reconstructionist synagogue that 
meets on the A. Alfred Taubman 
Jewish Community Campus in Oak 
Park and various locales in Detroit — 
understands the trend of young fam-
ilies seeking Jewish community along 

the Woodward Corridor (“Young 
Jewish Detroiters Heading Eastward,” 
March 28, 2019). Since the hiring of 
Rabbi Alana Alpert in 2014 and our 
founding of Detroit Jews for Justice, 
we have watched our congregation’
s 
demographics shift alongside our 
neighborhood’
s, growing younger, hip-
per and more diverse. Our once small, 

lay-led havurah of older progressive 
Jews has become a thriving communi-
ty of families and singles. 
Founded in Downtown Detroit 
in 1977 as an independent havurah, 
T’
chiyah has always welcomed inter-
faith Jewish families and others mar-
ginalized by the mainstream. In 2017, 
we replaced traditional dues with a 

Alan 
Muskovitz

Queen Elizabeth greets 
NASA employees, 2007

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