6 April 4 • 2019
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views

R

emember Thanksgiving? Well, a 
major national trend has taken off 
among young adults, who over-
whelmingly are living away from home, 
to get together with 
their “urban families” 
for “Friendsgiving” — 
a meal leading up to 
the holiday they can 
celebrate with their 
friends before heading 
home. A key feature is 
the taking and posting 
of event pictures on 
social media using 
the shared hashtag 
“#Friendsgiving” to 
create virtual connec-
tions.
Inspired by this 
trend, The Well has 
created a Jewish coun-
terpart — 
#friend-
seder, to empower young adults to host 
Passover seder gatherings with their 
friends during April.
Founded in 2015, The Well is a 
nationally recognized and Metro 
Detroit-based Jewish community-build-
ing, education and spirituality outreach 
initiative, catering to the needs of young 
adults and young families. Its initiatives 
have been replicated nationally, includ-
ing the #Reflect4Rosh hashtag of intro-

spection and gratitude leading up to the 
High Holidays, a Passover seder-themed 
Escape Room and the CSI: Coffee. Study. 
Interpret. model for contemporary text 
study launched in Detroit and being 
replicated in Baltimore, Cleveland and 
Memphis.
The Passover seder is a widely prac-
ticed Jewish ritual that often requires 
young adults to travel home and rely on 
older generations to curate their expe-
riences. Most Jewish millennials live in 
just 12 cities and have cultivated “urban 
families.
” #friendseder empowers these 
young adults to make the holiday in 
ways that are most meaningful to them. 
They will be able to share their own fam-
ily rituals with friends, try out new ones 
and, hopefully, enhance their own family 
seders with what they’
ve learned.
So, what is a #friendseder? Think 
Friendsgiving, but with bitter herbs, an 
escaping bondage theme and religious 
justification for consuming too much 
wine. Or perhaps, a way to do Passover 
that puts young adults in charge of how 
they engage with Jewish ritual.
Like Friendsgiving, in which gather-
ings occur in the weeks leading up to the 
actual holiday, a #friendseder can be held 
anytime in April. People can host before 
Passover to get into the holiday spirit 
or after to keep the celebrations rolling. 
Shabbat dinner #friendseder? Amazing. 

Wednesday evening #friendseder and 
board game competition? Fantastic. 
The Well has built friendseder.com, 
which is full of fun resources — think 
awesome recipes, innovative decor 
ideas, out-of-the-box Seder activities 
and more — some from us and some 
from our partners at OneTable, Hazon, 
InterfaithFamily, Reboot, Moishe House, 
Haggadot.com and Keshet. We’
ve also 
created our own originally designed 
(and available for download at no cost) 
#friendseder Haggadah and are putting 
out live (and recorded) “how-to-host” 
webinars. And while each #friendseder 
will be amazing, we’
re excited to create 
global connections through the hashtag, 
where hosts around the world capture 
images of their gathering and share them 
on social media.
Some have asked, “Isn’
t it weird to do 
a seder not on the seder nights them-
selves?” Well — it’
s no weirder than the 
myriad seders that happen before the 
holiday throughout the Jewish world 
— whether those are chocolate seders, 
interfaith seders, women’
s seders, dip-
lomatic seders, etc. The Jewish wisdom 
tradition regularly makes space for get-
ting ready/in the mood for upcoming 
holidays. Our tradition recognizes that 
just “jumping in” to a holiday and/or 
observance often is not as powerful as 
bringing intention to the lead-up and 

getting in the mood.
Others have asked, “Is this just for 
young adults?” Frankly, no. While our 
efforts are designed to meet the needs of 
young adults, anyone can host a #friend-
seder!
So, as we start to prepare for Passover, 
it’
s only appropriate that we close by ask-
ing these Four Questions:
Is your annual Passover seder starting 
to get stale?
Who are the people in your life you 
really wish could be around your seder 
table — the ones you most want to sing, 
discuss, drink and be free with — but 
because of pre-existing family customs/
obligations, aren’
t able to be with on the 
holiday itself?
What’
s stopping you from getting 
those people together in April, whether 
before or after the holiday?
Why not have the seder of your 
dreams, snap a pic and post it on social 
media using the hashtag #friendseder?
Sign up at friendseder.com and join 
the festivities.

Rabbi Daniel Horwitz and Marisa Meyerson are 

professionals with The Well, an outreach initia-

tive of the Lori Talsky Zekelman Fund at Temple 

Israel of Metropolitan Detroit. For more informa-

tion, visit meetyouatthewell.org and friendseder.

com. First published inejewishphilanthropy.com

commentary
#Friendseder — The Best Thing Since Boxed Matzah

Daniel
Horwitz

Marisa 
Meyerson

