10 March 7 • 2019
jn

RONELLE GRIER CONTRIBUTING WRITER

Parental support is 
essential to teens 
within gender and 
 
sexual minorities. T

oday’
s teens are under pressure 
like never before. Along with the 
age-old challenges of figuring 
out their identities, fitting in with peers 
and getting into college, social media 
has wreaked new havoc on their emo-
tional well-being. Experts agree teens 
with strong family support have a better 
chance of developing into healthy, pro-
ductive adults. 
For teens who identify as trans-
gender, nonbinary or other emerging 
sexual and gender minority categories, 
parental support takes on new impor-
tance. Parents are not simply import-
ant — they can make the difference 
between life and death.
Transgender teens face discrimination 
on many fronts. They are ostracized by 
their peers and made to feel uncomfort-
able at school or in their religious com-
munities. Many experience anxiety and 
depression as a result. However, when 
they are shunned by their own parents, 
the consequences are often disastrous.
An alarming 57 percent of transgen-
der teens without parental support have 
attempted suicide, says a study by Trans 
Student Educational Resources, a nation-
al nonprofit advocacy and education 
organization. In contrast, the attempted 
suicide rate for transgender teens with 
supportive families was 4 percent. 
The study found more than half the 
teens, or 55 percent, without family 
support had no place to live. In addition, 

75 percent suffered from depression, 
compared to 23 percent of those with 
parental support.
Parents who learn their child identifies 
with a sexual or gender minority often 
feel confused, unsure of how to navigate 
this new, unfamiliar world. Many feel 
alone and afraid. They may want to be 
supportive, but they don’
t know how. 
For these parents, “How to Raise a 
Diverse, Authentic Family while Living 
Jewishly,
” can help. Workshops March 
9, April 7 and May 7 (see box) are spon-
sored by the local organization Stand 
with Trans with a grant from the Jewish 
Women’
s Foundation.

AZRIEL’
S STORY
Azriel Reuven Apap, 17, who was born 
as a female, started feeling uncomfort-
able when he began puberty. 
“I did not like how my body was 
changing. I didn’
t like my breasts,
” Apap 
says. “I thought, ‘
I’
m not supposed to 
look like this.
’
”
Apap came out to his family and 
friends at 13. Although he had cut his 
hair short and occasionally “passed” 
as male, the strain of being a male in a 
female body took its toll. 
“I was suicidal because I couldn’
t live 
like that anymore,
” he says. “I came out 
all at once to everyone everywhere. I 
knew there would be fallout. Parts of it 
weren’
t as bad as I thought they were 
going to be; parts were way worse.
”

In terms of family support, Apap is 
one of the lucky ones. His parents and 
siblings were immediately supportive, as 
were his friends.
“My friends were all amazing. They 
didn’
t blink. They didn’
t flinch. My 
community is Modern Orthodox, so 
it was surprising,
” he says, adding his 
siblings immediately picked up on the 
pronouns and nicknames. “My siblings 
are the best in the world.
”
While his mother was “slightly wor-
ried about what people would think,
” her 
main concern was Azriel’
s mental health. 
“She wished she had more resources 
so she wouldn’
t have had to read the 
entire internet in one night,” Apap 
jokes. “I’
ve never seen any parent han-
dle this better than my parents did. 
They’
re really great.” 
Apap started the medical phase of 
his transition at 14, which has included 
hormone therapy and top surgery. While 
many teens wait longer to make those 
physical changes, Apap says his tran-
sition timeline was somewhat unusual 
because he began puberty early. 
He changed his name legally to Azriel 
Reuven Apap. 
Prior to coming out, Apap attended 
the Modern Orthodox-based Farber 
Hebrew Day School/Yeshivat Akiva. 
Although most of the staff and adminis-
tration were supportive, it became clear 
the school was no longer a good fit once 
he began identifying as a male.

Being Me

jews d
in 
the
on the cover

continued on page 12

PHOTOS BY ANTHONY LANZILOTE CREDIT

details:
Stand with Trans is hosting three 
workshops, “Be the Light,” focused 
on how to raise a diverse, authentic 
family Jewishly. At 7:30 p.m. 
Saturday, March 9, at Shaarey 
Zedek, experts will discuss “Creating 
an LGBTQ+ Inclusive Community 
for Jewish Families. At 9:30 a.m. 
Sunday, April 7, at Temple Israel, the 
topic will be “Parenting with Love 
and Acceptance.” At 7 p.m. Tuesday, 
May 7, at Temple Beth El, the topic 
will be “Learning from Others Who’
ve 
Walked This Path.” Refreshments 
will be served at all. No charge. 
To register, go to standwithtrans.
org/upcoming-events/be-the-light, 
or email Roz Gould Keith at roz@
standwithtrans.org. 

TOP: Azriel Reuven Apap knows 

he has the support of his 

family, including his mother, 

Deb Kovsky.

