March 7 • 2019 33
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Editor’
s note: This story was written by a local
community member who prefers to remain anonymous.
M
y world, like author Dani Shapiro’
s, was
upended by a DNA test, but my story takes
place in Detroit.
Like Shapiro, I learned that my beloved dad was
not my biological father.
Unlike Shapiro, the sperm donor in my case was
Jewish, and he wasn’
t a medical resident arranged
for by my mother’
s doctor. The sperm donor was my
mother’
s doctor, a well-regarded OB-GYN who prac-
ticed at Detroit-area hospitals from the 1930s-1960s.
As I recently learned through the Detroit Jewish
News Foundation’
s William Davidson Digital
Archive of Jewish Detroit History, he also was a
member of many local Jewish organizations.
I took the Ancestry DNA test several years ago.
With two Jewish parents, I was curious about my
percentage of Jewish heritage going back through
generations and was hoping to learn about distant
relatives to fill out my family tree.
Plenty of people showed up: a few close family
members whose names I recognized and several
thousand second-, third- and fourth-to-sixth cousins
who remain a mystery.
I attributed this massive number of cousins to
Eastern European Jews living within the Pale of
Settlement who married not only other Jews but often
within their own families. As a result, Ashkenazi Jews
like me share more DNA with one another than do
average populations (a concept known as endogamy).
Our shared DNA often comes from multiple shared
ancestors and makes us look more closely related in a
familial way than we actually are.
As in Shapiro’
s memoir, Inheritance, a first cousin
whose name I did not recognize suddenly appeared
on my Ancestry DNA list. This individual contacted
me through the site, asking if my mother had diffi-
culty getting pregnant and the name of the obstetri-
cian who had delivered me.
When I supplied the doctor’
s name, I was told he
was a grandfather to this individual, making this per-
son’
s parent my half-sibling. According to DNA rela-
tionship charts, first cousins share the same amount
of DNA as do half-aunts/half-uncles with half-niec-
es/half-nephews.
The only way our shared DNA makes sense, I was
informed, “is that my grandfather is your biological
father. No doubt about it, and probably involving
in vivo fertilization [of an egg within a uterus]. My
grandfather was probably experimenting with what
was then a new procedure using his own sperm.”
I brushed it off, attributing the considerable
amount of DNA we shared to Jewish endogamy. At
the time, I didn’
t know nor want to accept that DNA
results are actually 100 percent accurate among close
Jewish relatives.
“Don’
t contact me again,” I said, feeling very unset-
tled, even more so when this individual’
s parent
showed up on Ancestry DNA as my half-sibling.
I decided the only way to prove that my dad was in
fact my biological father was to have a close relative
on his side of the family take an Ancestry DNA test.
A paternal first cousin agreed to do so, but when the
Ancestry DNA results came in, we were not a match at
all. All the relatives on my dad’
s side of the family who
showed up on my cousin’
s list were absent from mine.
This was when devastation — and six months of
sleepless nights — set in.
What had happened? Did my parents know? And
if so, why hadn’
t I been told about the circumstances
surrounding my birth? How could I not share DNA
with the father I adore?
Furthermore, who was I really? Who were the peo-
ple I biologically descended from? What was my real
health history?
My identity felt shattered.
COMING TO UNDERSTAND
True, what happened to me occurred in an era
when the shame surrounding infertility was intense.
Additionally, doctors often were looked upon as gods.
They didn’
t have to explain and patients didn’
t ques-
tion, especially when the physician was well-respected
in his field.
“
A practice of the day was to mix donor sperm with
the intended father’
s sperm to keep alive the possibil-
ity that the child was biologically his,” Dani Shapiro
wrote in an article for Time magazine. “There was
a commonly used term for this: ‘
confused artificial
insemination.’
“Back then, the medical establishment took great
pains to allow couples to believe what they wanted
about what [the doctors] were doing. Couples were
often told to have sex before and after the procedure to
further the sense that the husband could be the father.
“Once a woman had become pregnant, the couple
might be told that her blood levels showed she must
have already been pregnant.”
Eventually, a relative was able to confirm that my
parents had indeed grappled with fertility issues that
had been resolved with in vivo fertilization using my
dad’
s sperm. I asked if donor sperm was involved as
well. “The doctor just told your mother he would take
care of it,” was the response. I am certain my mom
would not have asked further questions of any doctor.
In the end, I am convinced that neither of my par-
ents knew the truth about my biological father, who,
in my opinion, handled the procedure in an unethical
and short-sighted manner, and on a still-unknown
number of patients.
For him, the thought of readily available at-home
DNA tests was unimaginable. But did he not think
about the consequences of his actions? Did he con-
sider the possibility that patients he had inseminated
with his own sperm could have offspring — half-sib-
lings — who could fall in love and marry and have
children of their own?
And exactly how many half-siblings who have not
been DNA tested do I have?
I recently took a 23andMe DNA test, which
revealed another half-sibling — six years younger
than I — outside the doctor’
s nuclear family. As more
and more people take these tests, there could be more
unexpected and jarring revelations.
So how have I started to heal?
Getting support from my spouse, a few close family
members and friends, and someone whose spiritual
insights I value and appreciate.
Sharing the truth with my children, who have the
right to know about their origins.
Realizing I am not alone: Home DNA tests now
warn users they could be in for some surprises, and
multiple stories similar to mine come out in the media
every week.
Most important, feeling gratitude I was raised by an
incredible dad. “I will love you forever,” he told me. I
will love him forever, too. ■
DNA Revelation
Detroiter’
s at-home
genetic test uncovers
unsettling results.