February 7 • 2019 5
jn
I
hope you came away from last
week’
s Polar Vortex (PV) unscathed.
Polar Vortex — sounds like some-
thing your chiropractor would work
on. “Say, Bob, why are you walking
bent over like that?” Replies Bob, “Well
gee, Sally, I strained
my darn Polar Vortex
again. I keep forget-
ting to bend my knees
when lifting things.
”
I don’
t want to
diminish the severity of
the arrival of last week’
s
PV
. It was brutal and
downright dangerous.
As I’
m writing this (right in the middle
of the PV), the temperature reading
on my iPhone says it’
s minus 7 degrees
with a windchill that feels like minus
29. Hard to believe because when I
brought our garbage cans in a few min-
utes ago I could have sworn it felt like it
was only minus 10 degrees. Then again,
it was a dry cold.
While, obviously, the Polar Vortex
contributed to a couple of newsworthy,
absurdly cold days, I still get a kick out
of the shock and awe we exhibit when
a winter event arrives in Michigan.
We so often act like we’
ve never been
through this before. Every year, with-
out fail, local news sends out camera
crews to capture the winter season’
s
first quarter-inch snowfall as if it were
Armageddon.
I’
m writing this in advance of know-
ing how cold it ended up getting, but
record wind chills we’
re predicted;
minus 40 degrees by some reports.
But, really, how cold was it? As Johnny
Carson might say: “It was so cold
it broke the record windchill that
occurred during the last face-to-face
meeting between President Trump and
Nancy Pelosi.
” (Insert drum rim shot.)
Well, it was so cold the state of
Michigan experienced a government
shutdown of its own last Wednesday
and Thursday due to the frigid temps.
So, just like our federal government, the
state had to wait to reopen before con-
tinuing to get nothing done.
I don’
t think anyone has ever official-
ly figured out what temperature would
be required to have hell freeze over. We
really don’
t need a specific tempera-
ture. Just wait for the Lions to make it
to the Super Bowl and you’
ll know. (I
think worthy of another rim shot.) On
second thought, we’
ll know when the
Lions win their next playoff game.
Most of our state’
s colleges suspended
classes last Wednesday. For Michigan
State, my alma mater, founded in 1855,
it was only the seventh time classes had
been canceled in the school’
s 164-year
history.
One day I hope my grandkids will
gather round my rocking chair as I
share the story of how Poppa Al sur-
vived the third time MSU called off
school and for two days no less! It was
just over 41 years ago, Jan. 26-27, 1978.
I was a senior at MSU, living in a
house on Mac Avenue in East Lansing.
My roommate, Rex Rosenhaus, was out
of town and left me in charge of our
third and fourth roommates — Christy,
Rex’
s sweetheart of a golden retriever,
and his 17-year old cat Shadow, the
anti-sweetheart.
Shadow wasn’
t friendly; an absolute
sourpuss. How mean was she? She lived
to be 27 years old just to spite every-
body. But I digress.
It snowed 24 inches in East Lansing
over the course of those fateful two
days in January. I didn’
t take one math
class in five years at MSU, but I knew
that 24 inches of snow was something
like 2-feet deep.
The Blizzard of ’
78 caught me off
guard. Lacking proper rations — pizza,
pop and candy — Christy and I set off
on a 2-mile roundtrip trek to the 7-11.
Walking through 2 feet of snow for
over two hours was in a word — stu-
pid. But it allowed me to lose enough
weight to justify eating all the junk food
I bought.
However, I learned a big lesson that
day. It’
s not a good idea to take a dog
that measures 23 inches high on a walk
in 24 inches of snow. I’
m not sure how
much weight Christy lost, but by the
time we got back home, after two hours
of her hopping up and down through
snow drifts, she was the size of a lap-
dog.
And Shadow the cat? Upon my arriv-
al home, she rolled her eyes and hissed
at my exhausted state as to say, “What
a moron.
” For a moment, I thought
of taking a 5-inch tall cat for a walk
in 24 inches of snow … but I realized
Shadow was right.
Hang in there, everybody, only 40
days until spring! But, hopefully, not
like the spring of 1886. That’
s the year
of the largest single day of snowfall in
Detroit history: 24.5 inches on April 6,
1886. All one-room school houses were
closed for the day. ■
Alan Muskovitz is a writer, voice-over/acting
talent, speaker, emcee and an occasional
guest host on the Mitch Albom Show on WJR
AM 760. Visit his website at laughwithbigal.
com and “Like” Al on Facebook.
views
for starters
Brr!
letters
Alan Muskovitz
Alan’
s college home during the
blizzard of 1978
Israel with Sar-El
I recently returned from a week in Israel
on a program called “Volunteers for Is-
rael” or Sar-El. This was my second year
in a row on an IDF base. What a unique
experience to be with 15-20 men and
women from around the world, living
with Israeli soldiers and airmen.
Why were we there? To do non-mil-
itary tasks, so that the military can
focus on their essential jobs. We packed
backpacks with supplies. We sorted
clothing. We organized warehouses. We
worked in the kitchen, and more …
I have been to Israel more than 10
times, but these last two experiences
with Sar-El have deepened my identity
with this amazing country in a way like
never before.
Volunteers for Israel – USA (VFI-
USA) is associated with Sar-El, an
Israeli nonprofit, which administers
the program.Volunteers typically spend
two or three weeks living and working
alongside Israelis at an army base, IDF
warehouse or service base. VFI/ Sar-El
Great Lakes regional directors are Carol
Kent and Ed Kohl. For information,
call or email Kent or Kohl at (248) 420-
3729; email michigan@vfi-usa.org or
visit vfi-usa.org.
— John Marx
West Bloomfield
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