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A SERIOUS
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Where You Go Is
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Best-selling author coming to
Detroit Oct. 3 to talk to kids and parents.
JACKIE HEADAPOHL MANAGING EDITOR
SERIOUSLY.
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22
September 27 • 2018
jn
F
ederation CEO Scott Kaufman
gets a lot of calls from members
of the community about refer-
ence letters for college applications.
“I’m happy to do it when I know
the student,” he said, “but sometimes
the tone of these conversations — I
can hear it in the parents’ voices —
shows a significant level of anxiety,
as if it would be a catastrophe if their
kids didn’t get in to the school they
want.”
A few years ago, New York Times
best-selling author and columnist
Frank Bruni was hearing that same
anxiety in the voic-
es of his friends
and family who
had children apply-
ing for college. “I
couldn’t believe
how frenzied the
process had got-
ten,” he said in a
Frank Bruni
phone interview.
“A whole indus-
try emerged that
rested on the assumption that if you
got in a college that had an accep-
tance rate of 10 percent or less, you
would have a leg up in life.”
As a journalist for more than a
quarter century, Bruni had an elec-
tric career and had interviewed hun-
dreds of successful people. “I asked
myself what they all had in common,”
he said. “Turns out, it wasn’t where
their degrees came from.
“What struck me is that we had
this mythology — and no evidence
that it was true — that was driv-
ing parents and kids to distraction.
Someone needed to explore and con-
front this ridiculous assumption.”
Bruni took on the task, publish-
ing Where You Go Is Not Who’ll You
Be in 2015. He’s bringing his book’s
message to Metro Detroit at 7 p.m.
Wednesday, Oct. 3, at Congregation
Shaarey Zedek in Southfield. The
event, subsidized by the Norm and
Susie Pappas Challenge Fund, is free
and open to the community.
“My main message is what college
your kid gets into is not a measure
of their potential or a harbinger of
their future success,” he said. “I want
students to know if they are expect-
ing the name of the college on their
sweatshirt to get them through life,
they’re mistaken. Success is about
the work you’ve done.”
Kaufman arranged the program
because he thought it was time to
lower the temperature on the college
application process. “We have a high-
achieving community, but we’re not
doing a service to the kids with all
this pressure.”
Bruni said the message needs to
get through to both the students and
their parents. “Students are an exten-
sion of their parents,” he said. “A
relentless push to achieve will exac-
erbate kids’ anxiety and depression.
Parents risk so much when they put
too much pressure on their child.
“What kind of values are you incul-
cating when you send a message that
they need to be in some exclusive
club?” he added . “That elitism and
brand-consciousness on the surface
matters more than the substance
within?”
The pressure of getting into the
“right” college is representative of
the bigger picture — adding levels
of stress to teens who may already
struggle with mental health issues,
Kaufman said.
“Great work is being done here at
Federation, Jewish Family Service,
Kadima and Friendship Circle to
reduce the stigma of teens’ mental
health challenges and bring those
conversations out of the shadows
and into the light,” Kaufman said.
“Four rabbis spoke about it in their
sermons during the High Holidays.”
The Jewish News has also embarked
on a year-long project to bring teen
mental health issues to the forefront
of the community.
At the Oct. 3 event, Bruni will dis-
cuss what his research has revealed:
that students’ worth and future suc-
cess is not determined by the uni-
versity they attend and that gaining
admittance into a particular school
can never guarantee a higher salary
or a happier life. He will also dis-
cuss how parents, students and edu-
cators can avoid the undue stress,
anxiety and depression that often
accompanies the college application
process. •
Register for the event at jewishdetroit.org/event/
bruni. For more about Federation’s Youth Mental
Health Initiative, visit www.wn2t.org.