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other historically excluded
individuals from our congrega-
tions and communities, but we,
nevertheless, still assume that
all couples are going to raise
children.
Delayed marriage and the
challenge of infertility are just
two reasons that non-Orthodox
Jews have fewer children. Mix
these with fears of rising anti-
Semitism, anxiety over the
future and the tremendous cost
of raising non-Orthodox Jewish
children — day school, Jewish
camp, synagogue member-
ship, Israel trips, youth group,
kosher food and more. Then
add the rising costs of health
care, the economic realities of
retirement and non-Orthodox
Jews’ desire to lead middle-
class, upper-middle-class and
even upper-class lifestyles with
luxury homes, country club
memberships and vacations,
and it becomes easy to deduce
why non-Orthodox couples are
having fewer and fewer children.
It is easy to write an email or an
essay declaring that if non-Orthodox
Jews were truly committed to the
preservation of their individual family
legacies and of the Jewish people, they
would choose to have more children.
However, years of sitting across from
loving couples struggling with fertility
makes that easy argument a far more
difficult one to engage in compas-
sionately. Years of speaking to singles
who want nothing more than to find
a Jewish life partner with whom to
build a family renders the conversation
about fertility rates deeply challeng-
ing. And years of speaking to married
young adults who are struggling to
make ends meet financially means
pushing the question about more chil-
dren off for several years.
Needless to say, whether coming
from grandparents, parents, friends,
co-religionists or one’s rabbi, the con-
versation about how many children
one chooses to have is awkward at best
and — more often than not — is insult-
ing and offensive at worst.

THERE ARE SOLUTIONS

There are certainly steps that non-
Orthodox Jewish communities can
take to encourage greater fertility rates
among its ranks. Grandparents who
have the means and wealthier mem-
bers of the community can step for-
ward to underwrite the costs of raising
Jewish children by providing support
and scholarships for Jewish day school
and Jewish camp, synagogue mem-
berships, Israel trips, kosher food and
Jewish youth groups.
Non-Orthodox synagogues can

10

September 20 • 2018

jn

Rabbi Starr and his grandfather

work harder to provide day care, after-
school and babysitting opportunities,
so that parents can receive the small
breaks they need — whether to get a
cup of coffee or to go grocery shop-
ping (all activities which, by the way,
require additional funding to support
synagogues).
If life were a little less expensive,
then perhaps fertility rates could more
easily rise and one parent (either the
husband or the wife) could choose to
remain at home part-time or full-time
to help raise the children, to increase
the amount of Judaism practiced in
the home and to bring children to the
synagogue for Shabbat and holidays.
Within our communities, we also
must work harder to play the role of
shadchanim — matchmakers — to
politely and respectfully help singles
who are interested find suitable Jewish
life partners; similarly, we must take
the stigma out of using online dating
sites like JDate, so that the ones who so
desire can more freely use them.
We can and must work harder to
try to make the conversation about
infertility, about miscarriages and
abortions, and about fertility struggles
a more acceptable part of daily dis-
course — especially among older
generations of parents, grandparents
and clergy talking with younger gen-
erations. Perhaps we ought to work
harder to create support groups for
those affected by infertility or to more
freely share infertility struggles so that
no one feels alone.
And finally, we must seek to pro-
claim, without feeling guilty, that pro-
ducing more Jewish children is good
for the Jewish people and good for
the world because of all of that which

Judaism stands for and radiates
outward.
At the same time, we must
better honor and respect those
in our midst who, for whatever
reasons, are unable to have chil-
dren or to have more children.
And perhaps therein is the great-
est challenge of all: How do we
speak openly and proudly about
the mitzvah of being fruitful and
multiplying and about the tre-
mendous positive impact Jews
and Judaism make on the world
while also respecting those for
whom reproduction is a source
of sadness and frustration in
their lives?
Given the demographics of
non-Orthodox Jews, we are per-
haps a generation late in having
this conversation about fertility
and birthrates with our young
adults. But first, in order to have
the conversation “Jewishly,” we
must first have a conversation
about the conversation.

SEEKING HELP AND PARTNERSHIP

Were the Holocaust not to have come
to Poland, it is safe to assume that the
descendants of my great-grandparents
might number now in the hundreds.
But they and their children were
murdered by the Nazis, leaving only
my now-98-year-old grandfather to
survive. He and my grandmother, also
a survivor, produced three non-Ortho-
dox Jewish children. Those children
raised four non-Orthodox children of
their own, and those four grandchil-
dren of my grandfather are raising four
great-grandchildren. If my family is
any sort of representation, the survival
prospects based on birthrate alone for
non-Orthodox American Jewry raises
the question of whether the “ever-
dying” people might become, in fact,
the “never-will-be-born” people.
If Jewish families die out or stop
practicing Judaism, then we will have
violated what Emil Fackenheim called
the 614th mitzvah: not to let Hitler
earn a posthumous victory. More
importantly, Jews and Judaism make
this world a better place. Fewer Jews
means lessening our ability to bring
God’s messages and values to this
world.
As we watch the decline of non-
Orthodox Judaism — a form of
Judaism that I believe is impactful
upon our people, upon our country
and upon the world — the time is
right to begin to have the conversation
about the conversation of fertility. And
I am looking for help in how to do so. •

Aaron Starr is a rabbi at Congregation Shaarey
Zedek in Southfield.

abroad continue to be targeted for hatred
and deadly violence,” Smith said. “America
has a great bipartisan history of leading the
fight against anti-Semitism. We must build
upon and expand this history. The Special
Envoy is critical to focusing and redoubling
our leadership and this bill enhances the
position.”
According to the bill, the Special Envoy
would be required to be a person of recog-
nized distinction in the field of combating
anti-Semitism or religious freedom; to serve
as the primary adviser to the U.S. govern-
ment and coordinate efforts across agen-
cies to monitor and combat anti-Semitism
and anti-Semitic incitement; and to report
directly to the Secretary of State.
The bill would also require that a Special
Envoy be nominated within 90 days of a
vacancy or this bill’s enactment.
Last week, the legislation passed the
U.S. House of Representatives. The bill still
must pass the Senate Foreign Relations
Committee and the full Senate.
A report published by the ADL in
February showed that the number of anti-
Semitic incidents worldwide rose nearly 60
percent in 2017 — the largest single-year
increase the organization has ever recorded.
Now is the time for that position to be
filled. Here’s hoping Rep. Smith’s bill gets a
speedy vote in the Senate — and let’s hope
the president signs the bill should it reach
his desk. •

Yiddish Limerick

Sukkot

Ich hob mine succah lib,
It’s zayer zeyer shein. It isn’t zeyer greis,
It is a bissl klein mit nor a table and a chair
Mir kenen essn without a care.

Yetzt kum arayn, it starts to rain.

Ich hob mine succah lib: I love my succah
Zeyer zeyer shein: very, very beautiful
Zeyer greis: very big
bissl Klein: a little small
mit nor: with only
Mir kenen essn: We can eat
Yetz kum arayn: Come in

By Rachel Kapen

CORRECTIONS

• Tickets for the concert fundraiser with Daniel
Kahn & the Painted Bird, presented by Detroit
Jews for Justice, Birmingham Temple & WSU’s
Cohn-Haddow Center Sept. 25 at Marb le Bar in
Detroit are $36.

• The Oct. 3 event “Where You Go Is Not Who’ll
You Be” is being held at Congregation Shaarey
Zedek, not the Berman Center.

