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“I realize how much help there is in the world and that there’s
always someone there for you. Yes, that’s true,
but I’m misunderstood. I’m a fish out of water
no matter where I go. End of discussion.”
— EXCERPT FROM ONE OF ETHAN BEAN’S SUICIDE NOTES
Ethan, center, with
his parents Erik and
Stacey Bean
Resources For Autism
Spectrum, Anxiety
And Social Issues
• Autism Society of Michigan, autism-mi.org,
(517) 882-2800
• OUCARES (Oakland University Center for
Autism Outreach Services): Activities and social
skills groups for individuals on the autism
spectrum; parent support groups, oakland.edu/
oucares, (248) 370-2424
• UMatter: A teen-to-teen program sponsored
by Friendship Circle of Michigan and the
Andrew Kukes Foundation for Social Anxiety,
friendshipcircle.org/umatter, (248) 788-7878 ext.
208, umatter@friendshipcircle.org
• AnxietyBC: anxietybc.com
• Child Mind Institute: childmind.org
• Andrew Kukes Foundation for Social Anxiety:
akfsa.org, hello@akfsa.org
• Wolverine Support Network/University of
Michigan: umichwsn.org
• Spartan Support Network/Michigan State
University: spartansupportnetwork.org
Student support networks and mental health
services are available at most schools. Contact
the student health services department or
counseling center.
friends and felt isolated and excluded. When
he created a “promposal” for a girl he liked,
she rejected him.
“He was often misunderstood. He was
impulsive … he asked a lot of questions,” Erik
said. He tried joining some groups and even
earned a marching band letter, but he never
felt as though he fit in.
When his mother, Stacey, asked the high
school to assign a peer mentor to Ethan, a
buddy to eat lunch with or sit with in class,
she was told that kind of support was not
available because Ethan was not receiving
special education services. When another
student jumped on Ethan and beat him up,
the student was suspended, but Ethan’s lone-
liness and isolation remained unaddressed.
The Beans said other students and teachers
blamed Ethan for being annoying.
“There was so much bullying,” Stacey said.
“The school misunderstood him. They only
called us when Ethan did something wrong.”
When the Beans sent an email informing
North Farmington High School administra-
tors that Ethan would not be returning for the
2017-2018 school year, no one from the school
responded.
While privacy laws prohibit a school from
disclosing information about its students,
Farmington Public Schools’ Superintendent
Dr. George C. Heitsch expressed sympathy
over Ethan’s death.
“Our hearts go out to the family during this
very difficult time,” he wrote in an email.
Last year, Ethan got caught up in the juve-
nile criminal justice system after an incident
involving issues with mood regulation. He was
sent to Children’s Village, an Oakland County
juvenile detention and residential treatment
center in Pontiac, where he spent most of the
summer in juvenile jail before entering a six-
month program.
“He was treated like a criminal … and said
some of the staff made fun of him,” Stacey said.
“He was allowed one phone call each week, and
when a staff member misdialed our number,
he was told he had used up his call and would
have to wait until the following week.”
Ethan complained his cell was freezing
cold, and he was disturbed when he witnessed
sataff members making fun of another incar-
cerated teen who had Tourette’s syndrome.
“They were not equipped to deal with kids
who have mental health issues,” Stacey said.
“His soul and his self-esteem were stripped
away.”
While unable to comment specifically on
Ethan, Joanna Overall, manager of Oakland
County Children’s Village, said that when
such concerns are expressed by a client or
parent, the facility reports them to its state
of Michigan licensing agent, who would then
investigate the situation and file a report.
She said Children’s Village has youth spe-
cialists and licensed psychologists trained to
work with troubled young people, including
those with mental health issues.
In late January, Ethan began attending
Oakland Opportunity Academy, an alterna-
tive high school program through Oakland
Schools. He was doing well academically and
had even made a new friend, Angel. Ethan was
part of the student council and wore his new
school swag with pride.
“He loved it there,” Stacey said.
SUMMER OF HIS LIFE
As part of their ongoing mission to fill
Ethan’s life with happiness and meaningful
experiences, the Beans spent the summer
traveling to places they knew their son would
enjoy. They drove to the Upper Peninsula
to see the Pictured Rocks, explored the
Porcupine Mountains and visited Copper
Harbor. They flew to Arizona and toured
Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University in
Prescott, a school Ethan had talked about for
years. They planned to visit the aviation flight
program at Eastern Michigan University.
“Ethan wanted to be a pilot, and we wanted
him to have hope,” said Erik, describing how
Ethan had learned in depth about every kind
of airplane, memorizing flight patterns until
he was able to see a plane passing overhead
and pinpoint its exact destination.
Ethan had recently discovered a talent for
photography, and he documented their travels
to various summer destinations. The photos
reflect a handsome young man with a big
smile, enjoying nonstop adventures with his
mom and dad.
“He had the best summer of his life,” his
parents said.
During the funeral service, officiated
by Rabbis Daniel Schwartz and Michael
Moskowitz of Temple Shir Shalom, the rabbis
praised Erik and Stacey for their unstinting
efforts to help their son find his way out of the
darkness that often pervaded his mind and
his spirit.
“Ethan couldn’t have asked for better
parents,” Schwartz said. “They were there for
him every step of the way, constantly looking
out for him and making sure he had the best
resources. He knew they were his greatest
advocates.”
SLIPPING THROUGH CRACKS
Ethan had been looking forward to the week-
end ahead; the plans included a dinner with
friends and a Gladys Knight concert at the
Fox Theatre in Detroit. That Monday, Aug. 27,
Ethan was planning to start a dual-enrollment
program at Schoolcraft College, close to the
job he had found on his own and enjoyed
immensely. But Ethan had made his own plans,
unbeknownst to his parents or anyone else.
Ethan’s sister, Blair, 20, says she understood
her brother because she, too, was bullied and
treated like an outsider when she attended
North Farmington High School.
“My brother was put here to make a dif-
ference. He was such a unique thinker that
nobody understood him,” said Blair, a rising
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September 13 • 2018
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