health
Delicate Balance
“Sandwich Generation” caregivers walk a fine line with their own mental health.
ROBIN SCHWARTZ CONTRIBUTING WRITER
S
he had a special set of rules about
crying — when and where she could
let her emotions flow. Barbara of
West Bloomfield, a wife, mother and
member of what’s known as the Sandwich
Generation, agreed to share her story with
the Detroit Jewish News but asked that we
use only her first name.
The Sandwich Generation refers to
people, typically in their 30s or 40s, who
find themselves caring for children and
an aging parent at the same time. In
Barbara’s case, her three children were in
elementary and middle school (5, 7 and 10
at the time) when her 72-year-old mother
was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.
“I could only cry in the car driving alone
or in the shower or if I was somewhere by
myself,” she says. “The only way I could
cope was to compartmentalize.”
During the years that followed, Barbara
struggled to take on many roles. She spent
her days and nights caring for various
family members and tried to look after her
own physical and emotional well-being as
best she could.
“I felt like I was split into three people,”
she recalls. “I was the mother who didn’t
want to miss out on the joy of being a
mom; I was the child who wanted to do
everything I could for my own mom; and I
was the person trying to help my dad.”
Eventually, her mother required
round-the-clock care before Alzheimer’s
claimed her life. Barbara and her sisters
shared responsibilities and helped each
other out. She sought spiritual guidance
through Judaism, praying and reading
many books. She also took yoga classes to
relieve the stress but found it difficult to
talk with others because, she says, “people
just didn’t understand.”
“I didn’t seek therapy at the time,” she
says. “Looking back, I probably should
have. It was hard to talk to anyone.”
22
August 2 • 2018
jn
CAREGIVER DEPRESSION
Lori Kanat Edelson,
owner, director and
a therapist at the
Birmingham Maple
Clinic on Big Beaver
Road in Troy, says care-
giver depression is a
“major mental health
Lori Edelson
crisis” and something
the clinic sees all the
time.
“Women experience depression at a
higher rate than men,” Edelson says. “That
doesn’t mean every caregiver is going to
become depressed, just that caregivers
often sacrifice their own physical and
emotional needs and that often catches
up to them.”
According to the Family Caregiver
Alliance, a California-based nonprofit, an
estimated 44 million Americans ages 18
and older serve as caregivers, and as many
as 40 to 70 percent of caregivers are esti-
mated to have clinically significant symp-
toms of depression.
Edelson says symptoms to watch for
include changes in eating habits result-
ing in unwanted weight loss or gain, too
much sleep or not enough sleep, fatigue,
loss of interest in people or activities,
becoming easily agitated and feeling that
nothing you do is good enough. More
extreme symptoms include excessive
drug or alcohol use; addictive, compulsive
behaviors; and thoughts of death or sui-
cide or attempting suicide.
She says self-help techniques are often
effective, like using self-talk to address
negative thoughts, replacing negative
thoughts with positive thoughts and par-
ticipating in activities just for fun. Keeping
a journal and writing down thoughts and
feelings can also be helpful. If self-help
techniques don’t work and symptoms per-
sist, Edelson says it’s important to consult
a professional.
“There’s also a lot of joy and benefit and
positive energy that come from being a
caregiver,” she adds. “People often find the
role very rewarding. They feel like they
were cared for and loved by their parents
when they were young, and it feels good
to give something back. It’s a multigen-
erational sense of belonging and commit-
ment and dedication that is really very
beautiful as long as you don’t burn out.”
Lynn Breuer works with ElderCare
Solutions of Michigan, a
division of Jewish Family
Service of Metro Detroit,
to help families reduce
the likelihood of a crisis.
“The vast majority
of those who reach out
to us are Sandwich
Lynn Breuer
Generation children,”
she says. “We do assess-
ments and arm families
with strategies and resources. It’s an issue
we deal with every day and it’s a real thing.
I lived it personally with my parents — I’m
living it right now with my mother-in-law
— it’s something everybody experiences if
you’re lucky enough to live a long time.”
OVERWHELMING EMOTIONS
Jodi Lennox, 41, of Clarkston began thera-
py after her 67-year-old mother was diag-
nosed with pancreatic cancer. Jodi has a
4-year-old daughter, works part-time as
a physician assistant and helps manage a
horse farm. She says the emotions were
overwhelming.
“I did not know how to be a mom and
a daughter,” she explains. “As a daughter,
I wanted to be there with my mom and
help with every need, but I also have a
daughter who needs me.”
Jodi says through her therapist at
Edelson's clinic she’s learned to focus on
being 100 percent present when she’s with
her daughter. She puts her cell phone
down and makes rituals like bath time
and bedtime special times for them to
talk. She also learned to meditate. She
says her husband, Rob, helps when she
can’t be there and is a lifesaver.
“My advice? When people offer to help,
accept it,” she says. “Rely on friends and
family. Don’t try to do it all.” •
Reach Jewish Family Service at (248) 592-2313 or
visit jfsdetroit.org; or visit
birminghammaple.com or call (248) 646-6659.
JFS Receives Grants
Jewish Family Service has received
grants from DMC Foundation and
United Way for Southeastern Michigan
that will allow the agency to provide sup-
port in the areas of chronic care manage-
ment and basic needs, respectively.
The $70,000 from DMC Foundation
will allow JFS to address chronic care
management barriers in underserved
communities. This program will focus on
improving the quality of life of vulnerable
older adults through chronic disease
management services while creating a
bilingual (Russian/English) network of
support and community resources. By
providing bilingual chronic care man-
agement, these older adults, who may
have a variety of cognitive, behavioral,
language and cultural barriers, can learn
how to manage their conditions.
Funding from United Way for
Southeastern Michigan will help JFS
continue to serve the community with
social workers who can assist people in
accessing a variety of public and agency
resources to meet basic needs such as
food, shelter, medical care, utilities and
more, as well as with mental health
services for those without insurance
coverage. •