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Jewfro
Don’t Cheer For Me,
Argentina, Part 1
H
i, my name is
Ben and I’m
an addict.
I’ve had this problem
for years, but I was
never willing to admit
it was an addiction
until a Memorial Day
bender that left my
Ben Falik
eyes bloodshot, voice
hoarse —
At risk of spoiling the
suspension of disbelief, I’m going to stop
here to disclaim that what I’m describing
is not a chemical or clinical addiction.
The last thing I would want to do is trivi-
alize substance abuse or mental illness;
we all know people
who are addicts,
whether they seek
us out as part of
their recovery,
work the steps
anonymously, self-
medicate or suffer
in silence. Mine is
a privileged prob-
lem, a charmed
challenge; indulge
the inelegant intro-
spection in pursuit
of empathy —
I’m addicted to choaching.
Choaching is that intoxicating, alien-
ating combination of cheering and
coaching. Choaching is most prevalent
among parents attending children’s
games, meets or matches — particu-
larly of sports they played growing up.
I don’t choach Berkley Dads baseball,
for example, because I don’t know the
game of baseball and baseball is a silly
game. Soccer though …
Ann Arbor
11th-Grader
Wins Bronfman
Fellowship
Choaching
ing
is both a psycho-
logical syndrome and sociological
phenomenon — prone, by its very
nature, to be passed down the sidelines
and generations. Choaching has no
diagnostic or linguistic relationship
to choking, though La Croix Cough is
symptomatic. Choaching not a pretty
word. Choaching is not a pretty sight.
For most people, choaching is not an
addictive behavior. How do I know I am
a choachoholic? The same way other
addicts (of, again, much more severe
substances and aggravated actions) do.
You can’t moderate, mitigate or man-
age — even as you can peer, through
the fog, at the harm
it does to those
around you.
Game after game
I would tell myself,
“It’s a beautiful fall/
spring day for soc-
cer. Just ‘kick’ back
and have a ‘ball’
— go ahead and
cheer for your son/
daughter when
they score/save a
goal. But don’t pace up and down the
sidelines shouting instructions, pro-
jecting your voice across the field and
repeating everything emphatically, like
all of history’s great coaches.”
Then the soccer game starts, and I
go into a choaching trance of “Clear it
out of the box. Out. Of. The. Box. wide-
widewide, up the line, up The LINE,
service service, service and find a shot,
unlucky-unlucky, recover now recover!”
At the Canton Cup (“Spoiling your
Memorial Day weekend plans since
1982!”), my choaching spiraled. One
ref threatened to give me a yellow card
and kick out our coach because I was
so thorough in explaining to him the
error of his ways and suggesting he
may be dehydrated or otherwise dis-
oriented. But after three hard-fought
games in the punishing heat amidst so
many McMansions, we (they) made the
championship game.
My in-laws drove back from Traverse
City, arriving just minutes into the
game, at which point my wife called me
from a designated parking area some-
where between the field and Ikea to let
me know she could hear me shouting
from there. Then, after a questionable
overtime handball call, I dropped an
audible F-bomb whose mushroom
cloud might have triggered the alarms
of so many minivans.
Was this choach-rock bottom? I am
blessed to have a wife who will tell me
I’m being an ass without kicking me
out on my ass; a son who, having long
since surpassed me in what coaches
and trainers technically refer to as “tal-
ent,” loves the game notwithstanding
my broken promises about letting the
coach coach, the ref ref and the play-
ers play; and a daughter who finds me
amusing.
Sometimes the people who most
need you to change are the ones who
enable your destructive behavior.
Next week: I will share my path to
recovery. •
I applaud President Trump’s pull-
ing out of the Paris Accord and the
JCPOA, his impressive enhancements
to our military capacity and to our
economy, recognizing the rights and
privileges of our veterans, getting it
right on immigration, forcing North
Korea to the negotiating table, choos-
ing Nikki Haley to represent us in the
United Nations and his steadfast sup-
port of the State of Israel.
President Trump’s remarkable
achievement moving the United
States embassy to Jerusalem will
be recorded in history along with
President Truman for his courage and
support of the Jewish people when the
time mattered the most.
Mr. Falbaum’s cherry picking and
distortions don’t cover the real facts
that evangelicals are our proven
friends.
I attended a Christians United for
Israel event in Southfield where Rev.
Hagee spoke to 3,500 evangelicals
raising Israeli flags and cheering his
words of support for Israel and the
Jewish people. The event was emo-
tionally uplifting for all lovers of Israel
and the Jewish people.
I’ve attended several Friends of
Israel Gospel Ministry (FOI), Thank
letters
In Support Of Trump
Regarding Dr. Greenstein’s June 7, “In
Support of Trump” and Berl Falbaum’s
“A Gut Punch” commentaries (page
8), I support Dr. Greenstein’s com-
ments in every respect and support
President Trump’s agenda, process for
Making America Great Again, repair-
ing the disastrous errors the previous
administration created with decimat-
ing our defense establishment, the
JCPOA, demeaning the State of Israel,
advancing anti-Semite Keith Ellison
to No. 2 in the Democratic Party and
making the United States apology
tour.
Makar-Limanov
Ellie Makar-Limanov of Ann Arbor,
a Huron High School student, is
one of 26 students nationwide to be
chosen for a Bronfman Fellowship.
The group of 11th-graders will
participate in a transformative
five-week program of study and
travel in Israel, followed by a rigor-
ous year of programming centered
around pluralism, social responsi-
bility and Jewish texts.
Ellie loves traveling and learning
about different cultures. At school,
she is involved in Quiz Bowl, Art
Club and Ethics Bowl. For two
years in a row, she’s won the Grand
Prize of Michigan’s Ethics Case
Writing Competition. She has also
volunteered as a tutor with Avalon
Center and has worked as a camp
counselor in Germany over the
summer. Ellie loves art, and her
work has been featured in several
local art shows. She has also pro-
vided 30 illustrations for a poetry
collection that is currently in the
process of being published. Last
summer, Ellie was chosen to attend
the Great Jewish Books Program at
the Yiddish Book Center, which she
enjoyed immensely.
Ellie speaks Russian, Hebrew
and German (and hopes to learn
Yiddish next). She comes from a
secular Jewish family and is very
eager to explore Judaism both cul-
turally and philosophically. She
said she’s absolutely thrilled to be
a Bronfman Fellow and can hardly
wait for the summer program. •
continued on page 6
jn
June 21 • 2018
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