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make him like the Tiger Mom or
Tiger Woods’ dad. But instead, like
the ingredients themselves, the out-
come was organic — the result of
my kids’ Sammy-inspired interest in
cooking food and eating it. Sammy
is like their Mary Lou Retton meets
Michelle Obama, all wrapped in the
relatable package of a giggly mensch
growing up in “The Woods.”
And how did the home cooks cook
at home?
My requests to be addressed as
chef — “Yes, chef,” the contestants
say like cadets — were roundly
rebuffed. Still, the show must go on.
Since Judah and Phoebe are nearly
four years older than Sammy (com-
bined), I felt I should replicate the
show’s degree of difficulty by doing
it the day Phoebe had a field trip to
the Ann Arbor Hands-on Museum,
Garden Club and soccer and Judah
took the M-STEP (think MEAP test
with more mouse clicking and less
bubble filling) and then his 9-year-
old pediatrician appointment (no
shots, yes ice cream).
The Brussels sprouts were no
match for Phoebe, a highly enthu-
siastic chopper who still boasts all
her fingers. Prior to drizzling them
with olive oil and tossing them with
freshly ground pepper and sea salt,
she kept eating the halves out of the
bowl. Having to ask your 7-year-
old to please stop eating the raw
Brussels sprouts so there will be
enough of them for a dinner that she
is cooking is the parenting equiva-
lent of getting a papercut from the
winning Powerball ticket.
Once Judah realized the right way

to turn the knobs of the stove, he
plowed through the polenta, but not
before heating the garlic and shallots
until soft and aromatic. The polenta
had a perfect, lump-free consistency
owing to his whimsical whisking.
He had more success cutting the
rosemary with scissors but struggled
adding the rosemary when he forgot
what rosemary was.
In the interest of time — and in
hopes of the only blood being bovine
— they served the steaks whole rath-
er than sliced. Mine was perfectly
prepared to my preference (medium
rare); my wife’s was ruined at her
request (medium well). I took the
parental prerogative to put Phoebe’s
back on the range for a minute, as it
could still be heard faintly mooing.
All told, Judah and Phoebe’s din-
ner, as Gordon Ramsey described
Sammy’s, was “elevated beyond
belief.”
Sammy: This message is just for
you. Everyone else can stop reading.
By sheer probability of Huntington
Woods in warm weather or Jewish
geography otherwise, chances are we
will meet in the weeks ahead. In case
I get star struck when we do, I want
to thank you here and now. Thank
you for reminding me that there is
a happy medium between just liv-
ing to eat or eating to live. Thank
you for your humility, humanity and
compound butter. And thank you
for helping my family along our long
exodus from the bondage of mac
and cheese to the promised land of
leafy greens and tender proteins.
You, junior or no, are a master
chef. •

Contributing Writers:
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Finkel, Stacy Gittleman, Stacy Goldberg, Judy
Greenwald, Ronelle Grier, Esther Allweiss
Ingber, Allison Jacobs, Barbara Lewis, Jennifer
Lovy, Rabbi Jason Miller, Alan Muskovitz,
David Sachs, Karen Schwartz, Robin Schwartz,
Steve Stein, Joyce Wiswell

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