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Ask Attorney
Ken Gross
jewfro
Imported from Detroit
M
y Metropolitan Mishpacha,
It has been too long. How’s
life treating you? I know —
such a winter we had. You look great …
and your (grand)kids are get-
ting so big! What’s that? Don’t
worry, things will get back to
“normal” post-Pesach.
Me? I’ve had a minivantas-
tic adventure in Corporate
America™ and would like to
take this opportunity to thank
some Motor Citizens:
• Lesley Slavitt, who recruited,
Ben Falik
mentored and didn’t judge me
for ordering sushi in Kokomo,
Ind.
• Christine Estereicher and Ron
Stallworth, who showed me the some-
times-knotty ropes of External Affairs.
• Bill Hall, Mary Gauthier and the
Sustainability Team’s work to both
track and promote the company’s
stewardship efforts.
• The Bigs(!) who piloted our Big
Brothers Big Sisters pilot with
Pontiac’s Herrington Elementary.
• The 2,200 employees who volunteered
through the United Way of Greater
Toledo in the six weeks leading up to
the launch of the 2018 Jeep Wrangler.
• Disaster Relief at Work and all the
colleagues who mobilized following
Hurricanes Harvey and Irma.
• Everyone who contributed time and
talent to being “an engine for change”
through the 480 community partners
and 70,000 hours of service FCA US
LLC supported last year.
In August, I was diagnosed with
ADHD. This may come as no surprise
to anyone who has worked with me
or waved to me from across the street.
Still, it took some self-work — not cour-
age; I’ve seen courage, and this is not
to be confused with courage — to seek
treatment. “Well, I’ve made it this far,”
I would tell myself, though the voice in
my head started sounding like Homer
Simpson saying, “I paid my taxes over a
year ago.”
I had my coping mecha-
nisms, like writing my JN
columns late at night when I
could resist the buzzes, beeps,
barks, baking, brainstorming,
birdwatching and other bleeps
that always seemed to beckon
me mid-alliteration. But the
more I reflected on my behav-
ior, getting things done was as
much a matter of co-workers
and compatriots coping with
my WHAMO (Whac-A-Mole
Modus Operandi, in case the
acronym isn’t obvious).
I had my anxieties about whether
medication would make me lose some
of the spark in my strike-anywhere-
match approach to creativity and com-
munity. Or if I’d see myself differently.
After all, one of the offerings from Ben’s
Ironic Iron-on T-shirt Factory, circa
2005, was “Hey, I have Attention Deficit
Bike Ride!” Hilarious? Perhaps. But
questionable, in hindsight, for more
than the comic sans font, five shades of
blue and attempt to fashion a rudimen-
tary bicycle out of the letters d and e.
And, sure, I got up from writing this
just now to get out an Allen wrench to
reattach the handle that kept falling off
the door to the kids’ playroom where
they won’t turn the volume down on
some forgettable but tempting non-
Pixar CGI movie, and I haven’t started
cooking the Za’atar-Spiced Barramundi
with Farro-Zucchini Salad and Pink
Lemon Yogurt Sauce for dinner yet …
But the Allen wrenches were where
I put them back last time and not
under the spatulas and I did not open
Wikipedia to learn who Allen was. All
dinner ingredients and the recipe are
assembled, with a little help from Blue
Apron.
Instead, side effects of treating —
rather than retreating from — the defi-
ciency of naturally occurring dopamine
in my limbic system include:
• Thinking, speaking and writing in
sentences, when applicable, instead of
an intoxicating cocktail of fragments,
run-ons and animal sounds. Still love
bullet points; moo.
• Burning less food. And getting around
to replacing the smoke detectors, all
the same.
• Dropping my phone infrequently.
Not because my grip or reflexes have
improved, but because I can usually
resist the urge to take out my phone
on roller coasters and the like.
• Folded clothes. Still don’t like putting
them in drawers — seems unkind
to the clothes after all they’ve been
through.
• Only cracking my knuckles around
people I know it will bother.
• Remembering to take my medicine
and not the dog’s, though this can
be difficult first thing in the morning
prior to taking my medicine (or the
dog’s).
• All but giving up Facebook. If you are
reading this via Facebook, thank you.
Now consider logging off and going
for a bike ride.
Till next time,
Ben
P.S. Allen Keys were patented by
William G. Allen in 1910, 90 years before
Alan Keyes’ second campaign for presi-
dent and Alicia Keys’ first album, but 15
years after William G. Morgan invented
volleyball. •
guest column
Remembering Yom HaShoah
Y
Michael Weiss
om HaShoah, this year
on April 12, is the official
day to remember the
Holocaust and mourn the 6
million holy souls who were so
brutally murdered by the people
of Europe.
Between 1939 and 1945, 6 mil-
lion innocent people who were
born to Jewish parents were
killed. We remember these mar-
tyrs, who never had a burial, who
don’t have a grave. Their graves are
in heaven and in our hearts.
There is a saying that time heals
everything. Today, many years
after liberation, our loss still hurts.
It’s like a cancer; it never heals.
We, the survivors, think the his-
tory of the Holocaust should not
die with us, but its legacy should
be preserved and remembered.
We, the last witnesses to the
Holocaust, are worried how our
tragedy will be remembered in
history.
We just finished the holiday of
Passover. Jewish families around
the world gathered together
around the seder table to read
from the Haggadah and retell the
history of how the king of Egypt
enslaved the Jewish people.
Be a Deadbeat!
I know what you're thinking. A
Deadbeat is one who is known for
not paying their bills. This is true
except in the Credit Card Industry.
“Deadbeat” is the credit industry
term for the customer that pays
off their credit card debt every
month – thus depriving the credit
card company of that sought after
exorbitant interest – not to mention
late fees! You’re a “deadbeat”
in their eyes because they are
not making money off of you. A
“Revolver” is what the industry
refers to as the person who keeps
paying, month in and month out –
on their credit cards. The industry
loves its revolvers. – because they
are money in the bank, paying 14%
- 39% endlessly. If you pay $500/
month on your cards for 20 years
– that’s $120,000. If instead, you
saved $500/month for 20 years at
7%, you’d have $261,093 – that is
real retirement money! If you’re
a Deadbeat in the credit card
LQGXVWU\·V H\HV ² \RX·UH ÀQH DQG
need not worry. But if you’re a
Revolver – you’re throwing away
your retirement and you need to take
action now.
THAV GROSS has been solving
its clients’ business, tax and fi nancial
problems since 1982. Be sure to tune
in to the Law and Reality – Sunday
mornings at 11 AM on TV20.
thavgross.com lawandreality.com
30150 Telegraph, Suite 444
Bingham Farms, MI 48025
continued on page 8
jn
April 12 • 2018
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