but it’s just a way to communicate.
This is how I talk to my friends,
through text and social media. It
doesn’t even faze most teenagers. We
have been raised to know what to
do and what not to do, and we don’t
need to be told every day. We know
the safety precautions and not to
share our personal information.”

WHAT TO DO?

As with so many other areas of teen
life, it’s up to parents to try to miti-
gate the social anxiety that comes
with cellphones. That can mean
delaying the inevitable for as long
as possible.
“My personal opinion is, is it
really necessary before middle
school? I would hate for a 9-year-
old to be at the point where he’s
already constantly checking his
cellphone. Maybe allow a cell-
phone that doesn’t have internet
access in the beginning, but where
they can text their friends,” Zigdon
said. “Tell them, ‘Let’s see how
it works; show me that you are
responsible and then you’ll get
more privileges.’”
Blumstein has had at least two
parents ask him to monitor their
children’s texts via the iMessage app.
“They completely forget they are
being monitored after the first week
or two. I have been able to say, ‘Hey,
I saw you sharing personal informa-
tion or making poor choices like
hounding a kid, which could be bully-
ing.’ In both cases, it worked out really
well because it allowed the kid to see
certain patterns, and when people
see patterns, they do really well,”
Blumstein said.
Friedman also recommends moni-
toring, as long as parents are upfront
about it. “It won’t be foolproof but
get your kids’ passwords and follow
them on apps like Instagram and
Snapchat. The fact they know you are
monitoring already creates a different
consciousness. This should always
be part of the agreement of having a
phone, but there is a balance between

trust and monitoring,” she said.
But, Friedman cautioned, “There is
no way to ever monitor all of it. Kids
make different accounts. ‘Finstagram,’
a fake Instagram account, is just one
trick of a million.”
Abramson suggests parents limit
phone time. “It is definitely not
healthy the amount of time we are on
our phones, and there are times when
I do wish I spent less time,” she said.
Friedman recommends having
kids disconnect at least a half-hour
before bedtime, and get their phone
out of the bedroom, enacting a poli-
cy that everyone in the family leaves
their devices charging in the kitchen
overnight.
JFS’ Zigdon likes to ask teens them-
selves for possible solutions. “They
have some good ideas like deleting
Instagram for a week to give them-
selves space or to stop following or
unfriend their ex. Sometimes peers
make a pact to put their phones away
and actually talk to see if they can
recreate their balance. Although the
pressures of social media may seem
daunting, parents and teens can
work together to find ways to bal-
ance social media, relationships and
communication skills. We all need to
work together in recognizing today’s
reality and supporting our children in
the process.”
A senior at Cranbrook, who asked
to remain anonymous, got his first
phone in the fifth grade so he could
communicate with his mother, then
moved onto social media in seventh
or eighth grade. He thinks all the
hand-wringing can be overblown,
but admits he finds it an “interest-
ing debate.”
“I don’t know a single kid who
would say it’s a big problem that
we are all on our phones — but I
haven’t had the perspective of not
having a phone,” the 17-year-old
said. “I would much rather be read-
ing a news article than be on social
media — not that I’m not. It cer-
tainly is a fact of life, but I don’t view
it as necessarily bad.” •

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