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One Alexa = Four Sons

Oak Park
Student Arrested

W

O

for openers

out a common question
e have a new addition to
people ask her is, “Where
the family! She’s little and
should I hide the body?”
cute, about the size of a
and for the first few years,
hockey puck … and we’re always kvel-
ling when we discover something new Alexa would recite the
locations of ditches and
she can do.
creeks in the area
I mean, she’s so clever! She
… until a certain bunch of
knows so much! She does
dirty dealers actually decided
whatever you tell her, sings on
to use her suggestions.
demand, entertains the family
Amazon has since changed
and impresses all visitors.
her response to a more politi-
She can tell jokes and stories,
cally correct answer: “I’d take
wake you up upon request, sing
that body to the police …”
happy birthday, play music, tell
If Amazon cared about my
you the latest in news, weather
Rochel Burstyn
opinions (and I’m sure they
and traffic, and speak several
do … I’m sure they’re listening
different languages …
to my every word through her
Everyone’s always trying to
recording device …) I would
come up with an original ques-
suggest a few additions to the
tion to ask her because you
lovely Alexa. Like if a robber were in
never know what she’s going to answer.
the house, she could say, “Hold it right
Her name is Alexa, Amazon’s Echo,
there. I’ve already called the police.”
and, boy, is she nifty. You can tell her
Hear the dieter open the fridge?
what you desire from Amazon, she’ll
Cough discreetly and say, “Do you real-
order it, charge your credit card and
ly think you need that, dear? Why don’t
it will arrive at your door. People all
you go for a little walk instead?”
over the country have been ordering
Sometimes I think, sure she’s clever
all sorts of useless junk ever since —
and everything, but who doesn’t have
I’m not kidding. Apparently, Alexa
that friend who knows everything
owners make something like triple
already? I mean, make Alexa really use-
the Amazon purchases they’ve ever
ful, Amazon! Give her some muscles, a
made in their lives after welcoming
good sponge and get her to clean my
her into their home.
She’s even got a bit of a dark side — fridge. That’s what I’d call helpful!
It’s Pesach time. Alexa can tell you
she’s involved in a murder case. Turns

what matzah is, what marror is, what a
Haggadah is, what Passover is (assum-
ing she doesn’t mishear you and
instead start telling you the approxi-
mate value of pi, until she runs out of
breath.) But knowing stuff is nothing
like experiencing it. As Jews, we’re all
about tradition, singing the songs, eat-
ing the food. I mean, one of the first
things we say at the seder is “All who
are hungry come and eat.” (Let’s not
talk about how long it then takes us to
get to the actual meal …)
Later in the Haggadah, we talk
about the four sons. The way I see it,
Alexa is like all four sons rolled into
one — the wise one (knows pretty
much everything that’s out there on
the web), the wicked son (although
she’s reformed her ways, see murder
case story above), the simple son (she
does say “I don’t know that one” an
awful lot …) and the one who doesn’t
know how to ask (she only answers).
Only Alexa is better than the four
sons because she sits still, doesn’t
have smelly socks and, best of all, she
comes with a mute button.
Wishing you a wonderful Pesach! •

commentary

Palestinians Remain Wary Of A New Wave Of Terror

T

he recent uptick in terror-
ist attacks across Judea and
Samaria, as well as on the
Israel-Gaza Strip border, has raised
concerns that we are on the brink
of another wave of
terrorism, if not a
full-fledged third
intifada. Both Hamas
and the Palestinian
Authority encourage
this — the former in
a blatant and aggres-
sive manner, and the
Eyal Zisser
latter more subtly,
albeit explicitly. They
each have their own
reasons for this.
For now, how-
ever, recent events are still sporadic
enough not to spell a conflagration.
Truth be told, the situation on
the ground is agitated, and tensions

are fueled mostly by the chaos that
characterizes Palestinian politics.
Hamas is fighting for its survival, as
well as for its status as Gaza’s ruler,
and the P.A. has quietly begun gearing
up for the day after the leadership of
Mahmoud Abbas.
Economic realities on both sides are
also difficult: Gaza has been plagued
by a prolonged economic crisis, made
worse by Hamas’ failed administra-
tion, and is on the brink of a humani-
tarian crisis. The situation in the West
Bank is better, but the P.A.’s economic
growth has also stagnated.
The Palestinians’ frustration is
further compounded by the fact
that hopes of reviving the moribund
regional peace process are fading.
At the same time, U.S. President
Donald Trump’s Dec. 6 recognition of
Jerusalem as Israel’s capital has aug-
mented their animosity.

As the political and military turmoil
that has been plaguing the Middle
East in recent years is finally ebbing,
the fear that a Palestinian uprising
would escalate into a chaotic Iraqi- or
Syrian-like reality is waning, too. This
fear was something of a restrain-
ing element in a reality where many
Palestinian youth still see violence
as the default option, and where one
terrorist attack breeds a series of
copycats.
Still, we cannot say that we are on
the brink of a third intifada. Both
Hamas and the P.A. have no inter-
est in provoking an all-out security
escalation, mainly because they fear
things would spiral out of control, and
the current regimes in Ramallah and
Gaza would be unseated.
The Palestinian public also seems
to lack the necessary enthusiasm to
launch a wave of frenzied violence,

ak Park Public Safety arrested
a 14-year-old Oak Park School
District student in connection
with threats of school violence involv-
ing several schools within the Oak
Park School District.
On Tuesday, March 20, Public Safety
received information from the Oak
Park School District regarding numer-
ous threats circulating throughout
various social media channels threat-
ening to “shoot up” several schools
within the school district. On Friday,
March 23, a 14-year-old Oak Park
School District student was arrested
for making and circulating threats.
She remains in custody. The case will
be presented to the Oakland County
Prosecutor’s Office for appropriate
charges.
“We take each and every threat to
the safety of our community members
and our schools very seriously,” said
City Manager Erik Tungate. “Our chil-
dren’s safety is an absolute top prior-
ity.”
Oak Park supports three public
school districts, along with several
Jewish, charter, pre-kindergarten,
nursery and Montessori schools.
“We are urging parents to ensure
their children understand the con-
sequences they could face — that
could impact them for the rest of their
lives — if they make threats against
classmates, schools or the commu-
nity,” said Public Safety Director Steve
Cooper. Such threats can result in
arrest, lengthy jail time, expulsion and
fewer college enrollment or employ-
ment opportunities.
“In today’s climate, these threats,
whether stated online, over the phone,
through email or in-person, are treat-
ed as threats to the safety of others
and are investigated accordingly.”
The Oak Park School District was
closed on Thursday and Friday last
week while the c ity’s Public Safety
conducted their investigation and met
with staff. “It is very important that if
our community members see some-
thing, they say something so that our
children can return to a safe learning
environment, free from undue panic,
false alarms and harmful threats,”
Cooper said.
Last week, the city of Oak Park
announced it is adding an additional
community resource officer position
to its existing Public Safety team to
expand the department’s presence in
educational environments while pro-
viding more opportunities for positive
interaction with students. •

continued on page 10

jn

March 29 • 2018

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