2018

Something
For Everyone

Dance parties are great for some people, but the perfect
b’nai mitzvah celebration depends on your family.

STACY GITTLEMAN CONTRIBUTING WRITER

J

ust as no two b’nai mitzvah
kids are alike, neither are the
celebrations.
Sometimes the party will be
the kind where you dress up and
dance the night away — but a
dance party is not every fam-
ily’s cup of tea. There have been
memorable parties at places
such as local sports venues or
water parks. A celebration can
even be a special night out with
a few close friends to take in din-
ner and a Broadway show.
Geoff Kretchmer, president
and an owner of Star Trax
Events, said just like every aspect
of the hundreds of parties his
company plans each year, the
constant communication with
the client to understand a fam-
ily’s needs — from the earliest
in-person planning meetings
right into the hours the party
is on — is crucial to his clients’
satisfaction. Sometimes, that
satisfaction can mean planning
an affair that has more crafts

and games than dance music. At
other times, it is as simple as a
whisper in the emcee’s ear at the
party to lower the volume.
“My staff and I plan hundreds
of parties a year,” Kretchmer
said. “The tricky part for us is to
not go on auto pilot. Our event
managers have to be constantly
scanning the room to see how
the guests are responding to
what is going on. A lot of people
— kids and adults alike — don’t
always like loud music or lots of
lighting effects. We are as flexible
and attentive as our clients need
us to be.”
Families with children with
special needs are also choosing
carefully where they worship to
make sure an inclusive Jewish
atmosphere is waiting for them
to learn and pray in anticipation
of the b’nai mitzvah celebration.
Jon Co and Stephanie Sage-Co
of Birmingham found just the
right Jewish learning environ-
ment with Rabbi Aaron Starr

continued on page 42

ALTERNATIVE SERVICES

TOP: The A Team: Andrew Kales with
his parents and friends at his Kalahari
bar mitzvah celebration.
ABOVE: Tyler and Stephanie Co.
RIGHT: Nash and Trey Matlen.

C40

celebrate! • 2018

jn

When Darcee Matlen was grow-
ing up at Temple Israel, she didn’t
like Hebrew school. But now, as a
mother, she did not want to trans-
pose those negative feelings about
Jewish learning onto her two sons
Nash, 11, who is on the autism
spectrum, and Trey, 9. She found
that her family’s Jewish needs
were met within the smaller set-
ting of West Bloomfield’s Temple
Shir Shalom. Her sons are hitting
their stride in a nurturing Jewish
learning environment where she
says the attentive staff at the
SHORESH Religious School and
inclusive clergy always make
them feel welcome on the bimah.
Nash and Trey will share a bar
mitzvah service in 2021.
“Though we now have close
to 1,000 families, as clergy it is
still important to us to keep in
focus that every family is unique
and each child possesses their
own gifts,” said Rabbi Michael
Moskowitz, who has helped Nash,
especially, feel comfortable at
temple — he’s even discovered
that he has a natural aptitude for
learning Hebrew.
“As rabbis and teachers, we
have a realistic understanding
of what each child is capable of
accomplishing,” Moskowitz said.

“Our goal is for each child to
reach the age of a b’nai mitzvah
to walk off the bimah that day
and feel great about themselves
in a Jewish context.”
This accomplishment may
mean not reading Torah or read-
ing less Torah and concentrating
more on the prayers, which can
be a lifelong skill.
Darcee said what makes Nash
feel most supported at Shir
Shalom is the relationship he is
building with Rabbi Moskowitz
as well as the support he feels
from teen madrichim “helpers” at
religious school.
“I know I started our boys
late in going to religious school,
and at first Trey did not want to
go,” Darcee said. “But the staff
and teen helpers make Judaism
meaningful and relevant, and the
atmosphere is less like classes
and more like Jewish summer
camp.
“As for a service, Trey does not
mind at all that he will share his
bar mitzvah with his older brother,”
she says. “We may do a Havdalah
service, we may shorten the Torah
service, but whatever we do, Nash
wants to become a bar mitzvah
just like everyone else, and we
have found a wonderful community
to make this happen.” •