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40
February 8 • 2018
jn
O
ur youngest daugh-
The difference in our
tlight o minds is that if we always
ter is turning 5 this
spo
month, a “whole hand-
give them a kiss to make it
mental health
ful” as she calls it, but trust
better, they will always look
me — she’s been a handful for
for someone else to fix it.
a while now.
Today, they are boo-boos;
This milestone has sent
but down the line, my girls
me down memory lane,
will have bigger problems
and I’ve been flooded with
to cope with. Which is why
memories of her older sis-
we ask, “Can you shake it
ters when they were her age.
off ?” The question implies
I’m struck by how similar,
that they themselves have
yet very different, they are.
the skills to handle the situ-
I’m not just talking about
ation. Notice that I ask it
who slept through the night
in the form of a question; I
first or what toys they each
don’t tell them to shake it
preferred. I’ve been noticing Erica Saum
off. Asking a question offers
the differences in their per-
them a sense of control,
sonalities, how they interact
and sometimes they can’t
with life and, in particular,
just shake it off and really
how they interact with chal-
are in need of help.
lenges.
When help is needed, it
As adults we tend to idealize
gives us as chance to model empa-
childhood as a carefree time, and
thy and problem-solving skills. My
there can be some truth to that. But
older daughter, whose boo-boos
there is also the reality of our chil-
in life are growing right along with
dren having to face daily challenges,
her, is beginning to think of ways
emotional hurts and traumas.
she can handle these challenges
How we cope with adversity is
herself. Does she need alone time to
called resiliency. The good news
draw? Does she want to talk about
is that although resiliency can be
it? Would a family game night make
connected to internal personality
her feel better? Although I have a
traits, resiliency skills can also be
desire to help fix everything, I am
learned. As parents, we are not only
building resiliency ( for both of us)
saving our own sanity by teaching
by setting the expectation that she
resiliency, we are contributing to our is capable.
children’s overall mental health —
Just as I said my girls are similar
today and tomorrow.
yet different, sometimes the same
According to the Center of
event will happen to each of them,
Disease Control and Prevention, 13
yet one is able to shake it off, while
percent of children had a diagnos-
the other is completely derailed.
able mental disorder in the past
Each person is different and needs
year, and half of mental illnesses
different ways to develop and grow
begin by age 14. Promoting resil-
her resiliency. Just as I have had to
ience in children and adolescents
learn the differences in my three
can contribute to better mental
girls, you will need to tap into your
health.
knowledge of your child. You know
We have an expression at our
your child best, and I am confident
house for those little moments when you will continue to meet of all of
our girls get a boo-boo. Most people
life’s challenges and milestones
may say, “Let me give it a kiss to
together. •
make it better.” (Not going to lie, we
Erica Saum is the mother of three girls, wife
also say that sometimes.) But my
to an amazing husband, and senior direc-
husband and I tend to ask the girls,
tor of family life & wellness at Jewish Family
“Can you shake it off ?” (Of course,
Service. Currently, she is trying to raise resil-
this sometimes results in one of
ient children so that someday she can enjoy
them shaking their hips and singing
her cup of tea in peace and harmony, if only
the Taylor Swift song.)
for 10 minutes.
teen
n
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