“I could’ve easily said I quit.

I am not dealing with this anymore.

I’m done trying to live with a mind

Here’s My

teen

mental health

Story

n

tlight o
spo

that wants to die.”

Three essays from local
teens dealing with mental
health challenges.

You Matter

I

n third grade, I was diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder. It
made daily tasks take miraculously longer. Through my supportive par-
ents, meditation and therapy, it now doesn’t control my life as much.
All was well until around the middle of eighth grade. To this day, I still can’t
explain what I felt. Sad? Hopeless? Useless? I didn’t tell anyone what I was
feeling. Somehow my parents found out and I started therapy again. This
time, I went through three different therapists. Last summer I was sent home
from camp, my happy place, due to mental health reasons. It was devastat-
ing, but it also changed me for the better.
I’ve given up unhealthy coping mechanisms, and I realized how much I
impact the world. Life isn’t easy for anyone, but it’s worth it. It may be hard
to wake up each day and face new challenges, but as a society we need to
focus on the positive aspects of life. Laughing with friends, winning an award
or simply just living to the next day.
Humans cannot control all their emotions, but they can control how they
carry messages to others. I live for telling others they matter, and you should
live for the same.
You matter. •

Depression

T

hat morning, I woke up
with the worst headache
I’d ever felt. I couldn’t con-
tact my friends, let alone look
at my phone, without the brightness
triggering my pain. This was the first
time that I missed a vast amount of
school. I was out for two weeks and
began to feel lonely and down.
I started to see numerous doc-
tors in the area, including an ENT,
endocrinologist, infectious disease
doctor and a neurologist. At one
of my appointments, they gave
me steroids to help with my pain,
but instead, I began to halluci-
nate. My neck was tight in one place,
and I was unable to sleep for a week
straight. I was paranoid, and didn’t
want to leave my parents’ side. They

realized something wasn’t right with
the medicine and took me off of it
immediately.
I left each appointment feeling the
same exact way … hopeless.
I continued to miss school.
Eventually, I stopped contact-
ing my friends and, after being
absent for such lengthy periods of
time, I began to question myself.
When I was at school I practically
lived in my counselor’s office. I was
feeling so sad that it became difficult
for me to get myself out of bed in
the morning. I wasn’t showering and
took little interest in things that had
been important to me previously.
For the first time in my life, some-
thing had changed. I had become
depressed. •

A Dark And Scary Time

I

faced — and am still facing — a
long and dreadful battle of depres-
sion. It feels as if my life is con-
sumed by it. The constant feeling of
guilt, sadness, sorrow, gloom. All of
it consumed me. Made me a bitter
person. Made me someone I truly was
not.
I became distant. Stopped respond-
ing to texts. Stopped answering calls.
Stopped posting on social media.
Stopped hanging out with friends.
Started sleeping a lot. Eating a lot.
Watching Netflix a lot. Crying a lot.
Yelling a lot.
It is a dark and scary time.
And what makes it worse is when
nobody around you understands it.
All everyone sees is the mask I put
on every day at school. Nobody sees
beneath it. Nobody sees the crushing
pain.
I’ve seen four different therapists.
Spent countless hours crying, sleep-
ing and isolating myself.
My self-esteem was at an all-time
low. I hated myself for who I was,
blamed my learning challenges for
not being smart, compared myself

to everyone around me, and I always
managed to hide everything from
everyone.
I still face many of these battles,
and they will always be a part of me.
But I have learned how life is a privi-
lege. When someone close to me died
way too young, I started to rethink
the meaning of life and the gift it is. In
a matter of seconds, life can be taken
away so easily. It’s terrifying.
So, what made me keep push-
ing through? What motivated me? I
could’ve easily given up. Could’ve eas-
ily said I quit. I am not dealing with
this anymore. I’m done trying to live
with a mind that wants to die.
But a little fight was left in me. Life
will get better. It’s just a moment in
time. It will pass.
Depression may continue to haunt
me, but I am not letting it define me. I
am stronger than it.
“גם זה יעבור”
This too shall pass. •

These anonymous essays are being shared
with the JN by Friendship Circle.

jn

February 1 • 2018

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