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Meteorite Prompts
Alien Abduction!

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have a head start on gathering up
here were you and what
small pieces of treasure the meteor-
were you doing when the
ite had left in its wake. But, instead,
meteorite lit up our skies
being alone took on new
a couple weeks ago? I was
meaning — it meant there
at our kitchen table when I
would be no witnesses to
heard a very strange boom.
what I recall happened next.
I turned on what we
For, you see, my fellow
Earthlings refer to as news
Jewish News readers, I was …
to learn we had been on
abducted by space aliens.
the receiving end of a large
It turns out that the mete-
meteorite. After piercing our
orite was an intentional
atmosphere at 28,000 mph,
Alan Muskovitz
distraction. The sights and
it broke up, leaving a trail of
sounds of the giant space
space debris near Hamburg,
rock would act as cover for
Michigan. The sound I had
what trailed directly behind
heard was the sonic boom
the meteorite — a giant cylin-
upon its arrival.
drical space ship that swooped down
My curiosity got the best of me and,
though the details are sketchy, what I’m and picked me up before anyone else
about to share is to the best of my recol- arrived at the site.
Rest assured, I was never threat-
lection of what transpired the rest of
ened with bodily harm by my space
that evening.
captors although the physical exam is
I love all things space and couldn’t
something I could have done without.
resist the urge to travel to the landing
I was probed and prodded and told,
site. Perhaps I might be one of the lucky
to my astonishment, that I was preg-
ones to retrieve a valuable piece of
nant. I asked for and received a second
space rock that, by some estimates, are
worth as much as $1 million per pound! opinion that, despite their advanced
technology, proved their initial preg-
I bundled up and traveled to a lake
bed near Hamburg that was identified nancy test was a false positive. We all
as the prime landing spot of the mete- had a good laugh over that.
Other than that, the only humiliat-
orite. To my amazement, I was the
ing aspect of my physical exam was
first to arrive on the scene.
when I was told I could stand to lose
At first, I thought being alone was
a few pounds. On a positive note, the
an incredible stroke of luck. I would

aliens assured me that my physical
exam would probably help me meet
most of my new deductible.
I also vividly recall sitting in front
of a bank of television-like screens
broadcasting Earth programming.
The aliens were laughing hysterically
at what they saw and heard and asked
me if this is what we Earthlings called
“comedy.” I said, no; what they were
watching was what we Earthlings
refer to as the daily news.
They asked if it was safe for them
to land on Earth, you know, with
everything that’s going on with illegal
aliens. I assured them what they’ve
been hearing about probably didn’t
apply to space aliens.
And just when I thought I couldn’t
be more amazed by what I had just
experienced, the aliens, upon my
release, stunned me as I disembarked
their space ship, where they turned to
me in unison and said, “Zei gezunt.”
Funny, they didn’t look Jewish.
Needless to say, my extraterrestrial
encounter has left me with a sense
of wonder — that and some really
strange crop circles that were shaved
out of my back hair. •

Alan Muskovitz is a writer, voice-over/acting
talent, speaker, emcee and guest host on the
Mitch Album Show on WJR AM 760. Visit his
website at laughwithbigal.com and “Like” Al on
Facebook.

commentary

#Blacklivesmatter In Israel, Too

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hether Jewish or
Knesset State Regulatory
not, black lives mat-
Committee chaired by MK
ter in Israel, too.
Shelli Yachimovich to discuss
As we here in Israel face
their fate, Yachimovich noted:
the proposed deportation of
“In a highly exceptional man-
African refugees and foreign
ner which departs from the
workers; and we, too, debate
absorption of any other wave
the wisdom of merit-based
of immigration in the history
Varda Spiegel
immigration vs. the provision
of Israel, it turns out that in
of sanctuary to refugees of
relation to this aliyah, there
war-torn and famine-stricken
is a financial limitation. And
that the olim will be brought
nations, we cannot and must
to Israel in accordance with
not ignore the inherent hypoc-
financial needs and budget allocations.
risy in our government’s failure to
implement its own decisions regarding
“This extremely grave matter defies
the aliyah of thousands of Ethiopian
the ethos of aliyah and absorption upon
Jews left behind in transit camps in
which the State of Israel was founded,
Addis Ababa and Gondar. Some of
a seminal foundation underlying the
them have been there for 20 years.
State of Israel’s very existence.”
In a televised meeting of the
Expressing her personal objec-

tion to the discriminatory plan to
bring these Ethiopians to Israel in
conjunction with the Law of Entry
applying to non-Jews — rather than
the Law of Return applying to Jews —
Yahimovich said, “Were they not dark-
skinned, were they 5,000-8,000 blond
Jews — I assume that the problem
would have been solved … We cannot
ignore the fact that a new ethos was
found on behalf of this population.”
Praising pressure applied by MKs
David Amsalem (Likud), Avraham
Negosa (Likud), Eli Alalouf (Kulanu),
and Revital Swid (Zionist Union) to
foster a unanimous cabinet decision
in November 2015 to bring these Jews
to Israel, Yahimovich slammed yet
another bureaucratic rationale for
delaying its implementation that was

Shaarey Zedek
Sisterhood
Presents
“ADL Insider
Briefing”

Hate crime incidents are on the
rise, along with white supremacy
activity in Michigan and across
the nation.
Congregation Shaarey Zedek
Sisterhood welcomes the com-
munity to attend an “ADL Insider
Briefing,” featuring Heidi Budaj,
Michigan Regional Director of the
Anti-Defamation League from 10
a.m.-noon Sunday, Feb. 11, at the
Southfield shul.
The briefing
will include sta-
tistics on anti-
Semitic and hate
crime incidents,
and updated
information on
white nationalist
and recruitment
Heidi Budaj
techniques —
particularly on
campus.
The briefing
will be followed
by ADL’s Words
to Action inter-
active workshop,
led by coordina-
tor and facilita-
Arleen Plat
tor Arleen Plat,
and facilitator
and Jewish edu-
cator Shoshana
Janer.
Words to
Action is
designed to help
Jewish young
Shoshana Janer
adults address
the changing
face of anti-
Semitism by increasing their
understanding and awareness
of anti-Semitism and anti-Israel
bias in their lives, countering anti-
Semitic stereotypes and anti-Israel
myths with accurate information,
and providing skills to respond
effectively and appropriately to
the variety of ways anti-Semitism
manifests itself, from insensitive
or biased comments to hate-moti-
vated incidents.
Congregation Shaarey is located
at 27375 Bell Road in Southfield.
RSVP by Feb. 9 online at
shaareyzedek.org (create login
and register); email sisterhood@
shaareyzedek.org; or (248) 357-
5544. •

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jn

February 1 • 2018

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