bridal 2018

Personalized Vows

JENNIFER LOVY CONTRIBUTING WRITER

Couples
create their
own vows
to reflect
their unique
relationships.

64

January 25 • 2018

A

s Lauren and Wes
Herrin prepared for
their 2009 wedding, the
couple agreed there would be
no long speeches. They didn’t
want anything too serious and,
above all, they wanted the cer-
emony to reflect their person-
alities.
A key component of their
wedding preparations included
writing their marriage vows. It
was a practice the se Bloomfield
Township residents didn’t see
very often, but it was important
to this bride and groom that
the ceremony show exactly who
they were as a couple.
Prior to their special day,
Lauren and Wes, now both in
their 30s, sat down to brain-
storm. They looked at each
other and started expressing
their feelings before putting
their thoughts down “in more
cohesive sentences.”
Originally, they planned to
read different vows. However,
because they liked what they
came up with together, Lauren,
who works for a nonprofit orga-
nization, and Wes, who works
for the federal government,

jn

decided they would recite the
same vows. For a couple that
consistently finished each
other’s sentences during a dis-
cussion about their wedding,
it’s no surprise they decided to
share the same few sentences
as their wedding vows.
Huntington Woods resi-
dents Jenny and Sean Morgan
decided to pen their own vows
when they wed in 2013, cit-
ing the same reason as most
couples adopting the practice.
They wanted their ceremony
to reflect their unique person-
alities. The same was true for
Stephanie and Kevin Burnstein
when they married in 2014.
“It brought a piece of us
into the ceremony,” recalls
Stephanie Burnstein, 28. “Our
story began eight years prior to
the wedding [they met through
BBYO]. Adding that narrative
made it our wedding. It gave
people a chance to see why we
meant so much to each other.
It wasn’t just a generic drink-
the-wine, break-the-glass cer-
emony.”
When writing their vows,
the Burnsteins of Plymouth sat

down to come up with a basic
outline of what they wanted to
say to each other but left parts
blank for the other to fill in
privately.
“We wrote the basic outline
together; but it worked, and it
was still special. It also meant
that mine wasn’t going to be
two pages while his was a para-
graph,” Stephanie recalls. “We
were still surprised during our
ceremony when we heard each
other’s completed vows for the
first time.”

REQUIREMENTS OF
A JEWISH WEDDING

Jewish weddings like the
Herrins, Burnsteins and
Morgans are still among the
minority when it comes to per-
sonalized wedding vows. These
couples reported attending
only a few ceremonies incor-
porating the practice, and local
rabbis echo their observations.
However, there is no halachic
reason a bride and groom can’t
pen their own wedding vows.
The requirements of a Jewish
wedding will vary depending
on the individual rabbi per-

forming the ceremony and his
or her affiliation. For example,
when Rabbi Michele Faudem, a
Conservative rabbi, officiates,
she has the following require-
ments: Both the bride and
groom must be Jewish, either
by birth or an appropriate con-
version. Additionally, she asks
that the rings are metal (with-
out stones or holes) and that
their ketubah is a traditional
Aramaic contract signed by two
witnesses. Both witnesses must
be Shabbat-observant and not
related to each other or a rela-
tive of the bride or groom.
She also requires the couple
to sign a document that states
that in the event of a divorce,
they agree to appear before a
beit din and abide by their ruling
regarding the issuance of a get (a
Jewish divorce document given
by the husband to the wife).
As far as what’s said during
the ceremony, she welcomes
couples to personalize their
vows. So far she has not had
such a request. If a couple
wanted to write their own,
Faudem’s only other require-
ment would be that the groom