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When To Speak Up
www.PerformanceNutritionLLC.com
49295 West Rd. • Wixom, MI
248.320.5865 kristystevenson@comcast.net
Dear Debra
221850
S
end your
ques-
tions to
deardebra@
renmedia.us.
DEAR DEBRA,
Foot Pain?
Recently I had
lunch with
someone and
Debra Darvick
during nearly
the entire meal,
she had some
food stuck in
her teeth. I didn’t
want to say anything and embarrass
her. I stayed quiet, but then felt bad
because what if she went through
the day like that and found out only
when she got home? What should I
have done?
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—Tell or Not?
3342 Woodward • Birmingham • Mon. – Fri. 10am to 6pm • Sat. 10am to 4pm
applies. Gently suggest that they
check in a mirror before departing.
They may pull out a compact right
away. OK, today more likely a cell
phone reversed to selfie mode. You
are doing the person the chesed,
kindness, of helping her stay her
best. I understand the ambivalence
and the awkward factor. But think
how you’d feel if you were in her
shoes, especially if she was trailing
bathroom tissue.
DEAR DEBRA,
My son and eldest child has just
left for college. His absence has hit
me harder than I ever would have
expected. I find myself thinking of
him so much and last week even
teared up when I saw another dad
in the neighborhood throwing a ball
with his son. My wife seems to have
taken it in stride. What’s wrong with
me?
—Bereft Dad
DEAR BEREFT,
INTERIOR AND EXTERIOR
RODENT CONTROL
Keep the Bugs, Rats and Mice
Out for the Winter!
DEAR TELL,
When I was younger, I learned from
my mom how to handle these awk-
ward moments. If someone was on
an escalator ahead of us, when we
all reached our floor she would tap
the woman’s elbow and say quietly,
“Pretend I’m your mom. May I tuck
your label in for you? Or would you
like to straighten the back of your
skirt?” The person was grateful,
thanked my mom and went on her
merry, and neater, way.
This holds the same, and even
more, for someone with whom
you are sharing a meal and, thus,
I would imagine is not a stranger.
Simply say, “When we’re done, you
might want to check in the mirror.
There’s a small piece of [whatever]
caught in your tooth.” If it’s not
the mouth but the nose, same rule
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46
December 14 • 2017
jn
2201620
Nothing is wrong with you! You
have a heart. You have a wonderful
relationship with your son, and he
has just taken a huge (and be grate-
ful for what is), age-appropriate
step toward independence. No mat-
ter how hard you might try to pre-
pare, it still hits like a ton of bricks.
And though you didn’t say it, I’d
imagine he’s probably so caught up
in navigating his new world that
you haven’t heard from him as often
as you’d anticipated, which makes it
worse. Keep sending texts, emails,
voice messages, (judiciously, not
constantly!) whatever is your regu-
lar mode. If it’s feasible, and you
haven’t done so already, make plans
to visit during parents’ weekend.
Use this new normal to create
new traditions with any children
still at home. The dynamics will
surely change now. Without big
brother there, his siblings might
well blossom in new directions.
Develop a new interest — on
your own or with your kids — and
definitely devote more time to
your spouse. Above all, be proud!
Your son is beginning an exciting
new stage of life. Mourn when the
feelings overcome you and guard
against dwelling on his absence.
You are entering an exciting new
stage of life as well. Step up and
meet it. •