After-divorce advice helps
make family holidays work.
T
that part of the consideration when
he first holiday season after a
divorce can place tremendous dividing the holidays. Perhaps it is
more important to one parent to
emotional strain on the best
of us. While divorce tends to be very have more time over the secular
holidays versus the religious
disruptive to families in
holidays.”
general, it can be especially
And consider what aspect
heightened around the
of the holidays are most
major Jewish holidays.
important to your children.
As one of the most reli-
“After careful analysis of
gious and family-oriented
these issues, you can be spe-
times of the year, families
cific about how the major
have time-honored tradi-
holidays will be divided,
tions they want to uphold
depending on your fam-
for their children, even dur- Nancy Stone
ily’s level of observance and
ing the divorce transition.
your past customs,” Stone
Rest assured, your holi-
said. “For example, the children can
days can still be a season of joy, but
it will require good planning, a posi- be with one parent for all of Rosh
Hashanah and the other parent for
tive attitude and, most importantly,
Yom Kippur, and this would alter-
realistic expectations.
nate from year to year. The goal is to
“While there are changes that
keep consistency for your children,
will happen in the divorce process,
and make them feel comfortable
both parents should do their best to
and happy celebrating with each
honor the traditions and values the
parent, while upholding the family
family has established prior to the
divorce,” said Nancy K. Stone, matri- traditions.”
Another word of advice is to
monial and family lawyer at Rotter
“expect the unexpected.” What hap-
& Stone in Franklin.
pens when one parent wants to dis-
Partnering with her aunt, matri-
tance themselves from how the fam-
monial lawyer Harriet Rotter, Stone
ily had traditionally been celebrating
recommends strategies that can be
put into place to help alleviate some the holidays? Or what if one parent
is leaving the faith altogether?
of the holiday stress during divorce.
“These are very important topics
“When negotiating your parent-
to not only discuss with your attor-
ing time plan, make sure to bring
ney, but also with your clergy and a
a list of the major Jewish holidays
therapist to find the right solution
with you that your family has tradi-
for your family,” Stone said.
tionally celebrated so these can be
“The most important thing is to
specifically set forth and addressed
be patient with yourself, your kids
in the Judgment of Divorce,” Stone
and the rest of your family as you
said. “The more specific you can be
celebrate the holidays. This is all
in your divorce judgment, the less
new and different for everyone, and
negotiating and angst for the chil-
a little patience will go a long way
dren from year to year as they will
toward making your first holidays
know well in advance where and
post-separation/divorce more enjoy-
how they will be celebrating.
“Also, if one of the parents is more able than you might believe they can
be right now,” Stone said. •
religious than the other, try to make
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September 14 • 2017
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