reflections
petite essays
Each month, we ask community members to weigh in on a single topic. This month, in honor of Mother’s Day: Mom’s best advice.
To participate as a writer, email Keri Guten Cohen at kcohen@renmedia.us and put “essay” in the subject line. Enjoy!
4
HEIDI
BUDAJ
SHARI S.
COHEN
JOEL
SHAYNE
ROCHEL
BURSTYN
MARJORIE
SAULSON
My mom, Pat Balser, has
lived her entire life in
the South. All she taught
me is tinged with a deep
North Carolina drawl and
Southern sensibilities.
One of my earliest memo-
ries is coloring quietly as
my mom attended her
Hadassah meeting. She
taught me by example that
it is my responsibility to
make the world a better
place and to support our
community.
My mom’s cousins are
like her siblings, and I grew
up close to first and second
cousins. She took care of
her parents, in-laws and
aunts and uncles. I call her
friends aunt and uncle. She
taught me family comes
first and how to be a good
friend.
She taught me about
Southern hospitality, to
make guests feel welcome
and to set a beautiful table.
One of the few recipes she
mastered is her famous
coffee cake, loved by her
friends and mine.
If I can follow in her foot-
steps and be half as good of
a wife, mother, grandmoth-
er, daughter and friend, and
be the glue that holds our
family together, I will have
accomplished a great deal.
This will be the first
Mother’s Day without my
mother, Phyllis Cohen, who
died suddenly last May at
age 90.
Some of the best guid-
ance I received from her was
not given directly as advice
but by watching how she
lived. She was particularly
concerned about treating
working people kindly —
the waitresses, cashiers and
the people who pushed her
wheelchair at the airport.
She urged me to tip gen-
erously as a way to even
things out financially, but
also looked for other ways
to recognize people work-
ing in low-profile jobs.
A few years ago, she
adopted a policy of compli-
menting at least one person
a day. It could be a particu-
larly efficient lab techni-
cian, a sales clerk wearing a
cute pin or a waitress with
a great smile. Her intent
was to make the individual
feel appreciated and spe-
cial. The recipient of her
kind words often was sur-
prised but always pleased.
A great mother is some-
one who supports you in
ways big and small, and
my mother’s warmth and
generous spirit extended
beyond her own family.
The best advice my mother,
Sheila Shayne, gave me was
to be a leader and believe in
yourself.
When I was growing up,
my mother was always busy
in a whirlwind of activities.
She was involved in too
many things to mention
here, so I will only highlight
one memorable event.
Following her presi-
dency of a local ORT
chapter, Sheila became
Special Projects Chair of
the Milwaukee Region for
ORT in the late 1960s. As a
fundraiser, she arranged to
exhibit the world premiere
of the movie Hello, Dolly!
Prior to the screening,
Sheila was part of the del-
egation sent to the airport
to welcome Golda Meir,
who was in town for a sepa-
rate ceremony regarding the
Fourth Street School (now
Golda Meir School) that
Golda had attended.
During their brief talk,
Golda gave my mother a pin
right off her jacket so she
could auction it off and raise
more money for ORT.
My mother always told
me it is a mitzvah to give
back and make the world a
better place.
For those whose mother has
passed away, Mother’s Day
can feel like another yahr-
tzeit. Perhaps I feel this way
because my mother, Florence
Shuman, died erev Mother’s
Day. As a result, I spent
Mother’s Day 1984 getting
my house ready for shivah.
Being asked to share her
best advice is a gift that has
invited me to focus on her
legacy instead of on her loss.
Long before she verbalized
her best advice, my mother
exemplified it in her daily
life. She treated every person
she met, regardless of status,
with courtesy, respect and
caring interest.
Her advice to me before
I became president of
Congregation Shaarey Zedek
Sisterhood was to stand near
the door at every meeting
and personally welcome
every woman entering, and
then to go around to each
table during lunch to express
gratitude for everyone’s
attendance.
It was partly the support
of many of those sisterhood
women that enabled me to
successfully lead our con-
gregation in becoming egali-
tarian, a place where every
woman’s voice is valued and
treated with courtesy and
respect.
Heidi Budaj of West
Bloomfield is a longtime
Jewish professional now
serving as director of ADL-
Michigan Region. She and her
husband, Jeff, have five chil-
dren and two grandchildren.
Shari S. Cohen of
Bloomfield Hills is a JN
Contributing Writer and a
communications consultant.
My mum hates cooking and
would rather do just about
anything other than cook
(or worse yet, bake). Funnily
enough though, she’s an
excellent cook.
She has a bunch of say-
ings that sum up her cook-
ing prowess: “Just add some
garlic and Bob’s your uncle!”
“Nobody’s going to starve.”
And “Just serve it; you’ll see,
everything will get eaten.”
For my sister’s engage-
ment party, my mum took
out her dusty mixer and set
about baking some cakes.
Her white cake didn’t bake
all the way through, but
she frosted it and served it
anyhow. All evening, guests
were asking her the recipe
for “that delicious cheese-
cake!”
It’s advice by osmosis:
These days there are millions
of available books, blogs and
magazines with tips about
fancy cooking made easy,
plating elegantly and how to
set an impressive table.
My mum’s theory is to
cook the (always delicious!)
basics, and then spend
time with the family. I try
to remember that, for my
family, no amount of fancy
miniature cakes can take the
place of my undivided atten-
tion. (Plus, local bakeries rely
on our business!)
May 11 • 2017
jn
Joel Shayne of Farmington
Hills is past president and
treasurer of Congregation
B’nai Moshe and past presi-
dent of its men’s club. His
wife, Ruth, also is an active
volunteer at B’nai Moshe.
Their son, Ben, and daugh-
ter-in-law, Ashley, have two
children, Gabriel and Elliana.
Rochel Burstyn of Southfield
is a native of Australia. She is
a JN Contributing Writer. She
and her husband, Jaron, have
seven children.
Marjorie Saulson of Franklin
is a speaking and messag-
ing expert and president of
Vibrant Vocal Power. She
empowers reluctant speakers
to become confident in any
speaking situation.