jews d

in
the

Local author
of Mothers
to Mothers
shares
wisdom from
global moms.

Lessons

For Growth

I

Julie Hauser

Special to the
Jewish News

n 2009, while researching my book,
Mothers to Mothers: Women across the
globe share the joys and challenges of
Jewish motherhood, I interviewed more
than 30 Orthodox women. I masked their
identities to protect their privacy, synthe-
sized their voices according to categories
— and destroyed the tapes!
The recordings are gone; the book is
published; children have grown, but life
lessons remain, which I feel compelled to
share at this time of year, when growth is
so palpable we can even smell it from the
blossoms.
Although the book (more self-growth
style than a parenting manual) aims to give
validation and encouragement within the
motherhood experience, I extracted many life
lessons from my observations and meetings
that may enhance any person’s life.

CONNECT WITH MENTORS

A strong commonality was that the women
who had mentor relationships seemed par-
ticularly confident and realistic. They had
someone with whom to brainstorm ideas,

ABOVE: Hauser destroyed tapes she had recorded
for her book to protect the women’s privacy.

to consider decisions, to set goals, to learn
from failures and to ask, “Is this normal?”
For some women, mentors changed over
time — maybe a neighbor, family member
or teacher. A rebbetzin once told me why
she sought mentors early on. When she
was a young mother, she realized that if
she limited herself to socializing with only
her peers, it would be like the “blind lead-
ing the blind.”

TO COMPARE IS A MISTAKE

Probably the most frequent quote I share
from my book is when a woman described
something she learned the hard way. She
learned to stop “comparing my insides
with other people’s outsides.” After a few
instances of thinking a certain someone
was absolutely perfect, and then over-
hearing her when she had not hung up
her phone, she realized nothing is exactly
what you see and that everyone battles
struggles.
Every interview I conducted contained
some element of surprise once the women
started opening up. Many had hidden
pains and struggles that do not meet the
eye, such as medical, emotional or finan-
cial problems. This was a theme I heard
again and again when I asked women to
share what they learned about comparing.
It just makes no sense to do so. Don’t com-
pare yourself to someone else and don’t
compare your kids to one another because
it is a false exercise.
The late Rabbi Simcha Wasserman, dean
of Yeshiva Beth Yehudah in the 1940s, said,
“Don’t worry what other people think of

continued on page 28

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May 11 • 2017

jn