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Spring, Baseball And Getting Older

D

id you enjoy the spring-like
weather last week? How ’bout
them 60-degree temps, huh?!
As Larry David would say, “Pretty,
pretty, good.” But you know winter will
return just in time …
for spring.
But hope does
“spring” eternal
because spring train-
ing is officially under
way! That’s the good
news. The bad news
is Major League
Alan Muskovitz
Baseball (MLB) is
Contributor
messing around with
the sacred traditions
of our national pas-
time.
Last week, MLB announced the
elimination of the 4-pitch intentional
walk!
Hogwash! Balderdash! Poppycock!
(Thanks thesaurus.com.) Now all that
will be required for a batter (or is it
hitter?) to be issued an intentional
walk is a signal from the dugout.
Pitchers will no longer have to throw
four extremely outside, unhittable
pitches. Or … are … they … unhittable?
I did a little research and found a
video from 2006 of our very own Tiger
super star Miguel Cabrera, who was
with the Florida Marlins at the time,
extending his bat and hitting one of
those “intentionally” bad pitches for

an RBI single. He’s worth the price of
admission, that man is — and even
worth the price of a hotdog, chips and
a beer; which today will only set you
back a measly $137.
It’s just another attempt by MLB to
try to speed up the game. Well, I, for
one, need that extra time. Four inten-
tionally bad pitches give me a great
headstart to the restroom.
Since I’m venting … I recently leased
a car. It came with a decent amount
of bells and whistles. I just wish it had
only real bells and whistles; period. I
don’t know how to use all the standard
high-tech options. My decades-old
record of not knowing how to con-
nect the wireless garage door feature
to my car remains intact. So, I defer
to my trusty hand-held garage door
opener, which is to a car what a flip
phone is to modern communication.
Sadly, when it comes to most of the
equipment I own, my learning curve is
limited to on/off.
More venting … Can someone
please tell me where I can find a
restaurant that ISN’T SO LOUD! (I
didn’t realize that 62 years old marked
the onset of old-man crotchetiness.)
You’re with me on this, right?
I practically have to scream at
the person sitting across from me.
Conversation: “Glad you could come
to dinner.” … “Thank you, I am thin-
ner.” Thank goodness, I can fall back

on that old reliable, intimate form of
human communication at a time like
that … texting.
Now an update since last month’s
column … You might recall I wrote
about the weird things I’m doing now
that I’ve reached the big 6-2. One
example was the increase I’ve noticed
in the number of times I’m forgetting
to zip my pants. Well, you can add two
unzips to my total; both last week! In
one case, I was wearing a long winter
coat, sparing public humiliation. On
the second occasion, it was in the pri-
vacy of my home. Just thought I’d let
you know if you’re keeping score.
Oh, sorry, I almost forgot one more
very important thing to vent about …
Please, cable news networks, stop your
annoying running clock countdowns
in the corner of my TV screen that,
for example, there are just 36 hours,
14 minutes and 22 seconds remaining
until one of your upcoming scintillat-
ing shows. Running clocks were meant
for sports, microwaves, etc. But since
I brought it up, I might as well inform
you that I am fast approaching my
column’s 600-word limit … three, two,
one … bye! •

Alan Muskovitz is a writer, voice-over/acting tal-
ent, speaker, emcee and a regular guest host
on the Mitch Albom Show on WJR AM 760.
Visit his website at laughwithbigal.com and
“Like” Al on Facebook.

The good news is that Donald Trump
talked about the awful anti-Semitism
resurgence going on in our country.
Some say too little, too late. It’s never
too late.
The bad news is that during this
“conversation,” he read off carefully
written notes, which he generally
does not do, and did not speak from
the heart and never went to social
media as he does for most other
things he sees as important.
Please also note he not once, ever
mentioned the words Jew, Jews or
Jewish.
Why is this?
The reason is clear. This man does
not want to anger his hardcore sup-
porters, the Alt Right and others of
their ilk.
This saddens me, greatly.

Join us to hear

Emily Hosler,, FNP-BC

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3/7/17 at 5:30PM

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letters

Trump’s Comments
On Anti-Semitism




It should also frighten all of us.
Please remember, that which you
refuse to reject, you encourage. Dr.
Martin Luther King said, “The time is
always right to do what is right.”
Martin is not resting in peace today,
neither are JFK, RFK or LBJ.

Mort Meisner
Huntington Woods

Detroit Jewish
Community On
Forefront Of Inclusivity

Thank you for publishing “Opening
Doors” by Jennifer Lovy in the Feb.
23 Jewish News. While it took a while
for programs to expand for Jewish
students with special needs, Detroit
is now in the forefront, and we can
be very proud of this. A member of

my family participated in a pioneer
program at the former United Hebrew
Schools from 1981-1984.

Harvey S. Bronstein
Southfield

‘Oldie But Goodie’
Was Not Funny

As a longtime subscriber to the Jewish
News and a lifelong member of the
Reform Temple Israel, I was surprised
and disappointed in Danny Raskin’s
“joke” in the Feb. 16 issue. Just
because something is “an oldie” does
not mean it is a “goodie.” His joke fell
in that category.
In this time of xenophobia, Jews, in
particular, should be pulling together
providing support and demonstrat-
ing respect for each other. Reform
Jews are well aware of the symbols of

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jn

March 2 • 2017

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