reflections
petite essays
Welcome to a new JN feature. Each month, we’ll ask community members to weigh in on a single topic. This month: Kindness.
If you are interested in participating, contact Keri Guten Cohen at kcohen@renmedia.us and put “essay” in the subject line. Enjoy!
ARNIE
GOLDMAN
KIM
LIFTON
ROBB
LIPPITT
BRENDA
ROSENBERG
DOVID NISSAN
ROETTER
Penny was coming over
with her handmade bingo
cards for my brother-in-law
Joel. He was truly excited
and couldn’t wait to play
with her. She always lets
him win.
Since his second stroke,
Joel has struggled with eat-
ing and bathing and needed
help. My wife heard about
Penny, who told us she had
gone to Hollywood to be
an actress and then came
home after cancer took one
of her legs. Since then, she
has been a caregiver.
My mother-in-law had
always taken care of her
eldest son who has Down
Syndrome and never asked
for aid. But she admits
Penny is “God sent,” enthu-
siastically giving and com-
passionate, making Joel’s
life a little better every day.
The Talmud says, “The
highest form of wisdom
is kindness.” Penny is not
Jewish, but she demon-
strates the essence of tik-
kun olam, helping to repair
Joel, among others.
I have given Joel presents
and taken him to sports
events, but Penny has
demonstrated that selfless
moments of kindness are
more meaningful: the
simplest, most precious of
gifts.
I am wearing a necklace
with a small, round silver
pendant inscribed with
broken Hebrew letters from
the Shema. When I put
my hand on top of it and
close my eyes, I can hear
familiar voices chanting
the Shema. It’s peaceful and
helps me feel centered, like a
good therapy session with a
dose of spirituality.
I gifted the pendant to
myself two years ago. It was
part of my healing journey
following the death of my
twin, a bitter divorce and
some challenging parenting
issues. A friend suggested I
spend more time doing nice
things for myself.
Before the purchase, I
had been buying an annual
birthday gift for a friend’s
daughter born the day
before my sister’s fatal acci-
dent. I thought of her as the
life who replaced my twin.
It all made sense. Until it
didn’t.
After a decade of gifts, it
became clear this girl hardly
knew me; this tradition had
become more of an addic-
tion than an act of kindness.
The pendant reminds me
to be kind to myself.
While I was in college,
Grandma came to die
with us. She had lived in
California, but her cancer
got bad enough that she
needed caring for. Like a
child, Grandma needed to
be fed, changed, helped into
bed. And, like a mischievous
child, Grandma liked to
make trouble. She dropped
her fork for me to pick up.
She resisted being dressed.
She wanted my attention; all
I wanted was to see friends.
The weekend Grandma
finally went to the hospital
I played the Macker bas-
ketball tournament; Mom
insisted. Immediately after
our last game, I raced to
the hospital, still wearing
sweaty clothes. “She won’t
eat or drink,” Mom said.
“The end is soon.”
I sat with Grandma, who
opened her eyes, looking
at me. I held an ice chip to
her parched lips. She took
it, smiling gratefully. After
a moment, she closed her
eyes, never waking again. I
cried, realizing my tiny ges-
ture’s importance to her.
Grandma gave me many
gifts; none more important
than understanding even
our smallest kindnesses
have enormous impact.
The TV commercial for
KIND bars states: “People
confuse nice and kind. Nice
tells you what you want to
hear, but kind is honest.”
We rarely see it on TV news,
but kind and honest conver-
sations are possible.
Two weeks ago, I facilitat-
ed a Hate 2 Hope workshop
to transform the tensions at
a biracial church. The two
couples — one black, the
other white — have been
friends for years, yet never
spoke about the tension
dividing them. White privi-
lege. Their interactions were
nice, but not honest.
The discussions started
with white privilege. It was
not easy. The pairs held very
different truths, yet I could
feel the caring they have for
one another. Every response
was spoken with kindness.
I saw firsthand the power
in having an honest con-
versation expressed with
kindness. Today, the divides
locally and globally are
becoming tsunami-like,
inciting hate and fear, sepa-
rating nations, destroying
businesses and communi-
ties, and oppressing people.
Join us in having honest
conversations backed by
kindness. Join us in moving
from Hate 2 Hope.
Many vaguely remember
days because of the event
or due to the people pres-
ent. On occasion, however,
the two blend together
to create a permanent
memory.
I will never forget
Thursday, Jan. 7, 2010. It
was the day my 10th-grade
principal came to my dor-
mitory in the morning to
inform me of the passing of
my dear sister, Pesha Leah.
What happened shortly
after is one of the few mem-
ories that remain crystal
clear from that whole week
of shivah. Two classmates,
Yogi K. and Mendel I., came
over to spend the day with
me until my parents arrived
in Brooklyn.
There will never be such
a tasteless pizza ever again,
nor will there be a more
utterly boring bag of 20 or
so video games that they
brought with them.
But they did something
more than just friendship
— they were kind. They did
something so personal and
extremely awkward, but
they did it with a pure heart
and without expecting any-
thing in return. That’s more
than just “charity.” It’s kind-
ness I’ll never forget.
Arnie of Farmington Hills is
president of a distributor of
security products in Livonia
and dabbles in writing.
4
March 2 • 2017
Kim is president of Wow
Writing Workshop, a stra-
tegic communications and
writing services company.
She is co-author of a popu-
lar ebook, How to Write an
Effective College Application
Essay: The Inside Scoop for
Parents. (Amazon.com)
jn
Robb benefits daily from
the kindnesses of his wife,
Debbie, and daughters Molly
and Eryn. He is founding
p artner of Secret Sauce
Capital and deeply involved
in our Jewish community.
Brenda is former VP of fash-
ion at Hudson’s and creator
of programs that combat
hate across faith, race, reli-
gion, and between police and
community.
Dovid of Oak Park is a
junior studying journalism
at Oakland University. He
has a radio show on WXOU
on campus called “Bike of
Life” that is about kindness.