jews d

in
the

family focus

Show Teens They Matter

F

ebruary is Teen Dating
pointed by others. These teens feel
Violence Awareness Month.
unimportant or disrespected when a
You may think this has little to dating partner doesn’t do what they
do with your everyday life, but it is
think they should.
an area where many of us can have
Each of these teens is looking to
important influence.
feel like they matter and feel
Perhaps you are the par-
valued. These are universal
ent, grandparent, friend,
human desires. The goal of
coach, piano teacher or
our attachment experience
neighbor to a teen. That
with our primary caregiver
relationship allows you
is to create these deep feel-
to have a tremendous
ings that stay in the neuro-
influence, which might
pathways of our brains and
have a powerful effect on
in our muscles. At each stage
teens’ lives, including their Ellen Yashinsky
of our development, we seek
romantic relationships.
reinforcement
that we matter,
Chute
Abusive relationships
we are valuable and we are
involve two people who
enough.
look to the relationship to
This becomes particularly
feel better about themselves or raise tricky for teenagers because as a
their self-esteem. For the controller,
part of their normal development,
it feels good that the other person is
they often pull away from their
compliant, goes along with whatever trusted attachment figures and seek
they might want and doesn’t pres-
these feelings in their relationships
ent opposing views or wishes. For
with their peers. It’s a set-up for rela-
the controlled person, it feels good
tionships that are less about connec-
to belong to someone and to be an
tion and more about a temporary
important person in someone else’s
self-esteem boost.
life.
So, think about a teen in your life.
Dating violence, like domestic
What could you do to let this teen
violence, is a dynamic where one
know he or she matters? The best
person has power over another and
way I know to do this is to be truly
uses controlling tactics to maintain
interested in them. Being interested
that power. Sometimes the tactics
is a unique skill. It involves being
involve physical acts of violence or
curious without judgment. You
intimidation; but more often, the
might be curious about what teens’
tactics utilize emotional control that interests are, what movies they like,
perpetuates the power dynamic.
what apps they use or what makes
These relationships are often
them laugh. You can be curious
described as “walking on eggshells”
about who they like and who they
environments, in which fear is used
don’t, and why.
to control. This can be a very subtle
These can be small conversa-
dynamic, and often the victim does
tions that create a sense of safety
not realize his or her behaviors are
when the teen is with you. It’s these
motivated by fear.
nonjudgmental, non-advice-giving
One teen I worked with said she
conversations that help teens know
thought she wanted to do the same
their own value and give them a
activities as her boyfriend, but upon
sense of mattering in the world.
further examination, she became
When they do, they enter into dat-
aware that she was afraid not to. As
ing relationships looking for honest
a result, she talked herself into liking connection. They already have their
what he liked and wanting what he
self-esteem. •
wanted. She had lost touch with her
Ellen Yashinsky Chute, LMSW, ACSW, is
own authentic wishes and needs.
senior director of behavioral health services at
Some teens I have worked with
Jewish Family Service.
have problems with being disap-

24

February 16 • 2017

jn

The Detroit
Jewish News
Foundation’s
operating board
voted recently
to add Linda Z.
Klein to its hon-
orary board of
directors.
Linda Klein
Klein is
the 2016 recipient of the Fred
M. Butzel Memorial Award,
the Jewish Federation of
Metropolitan Detroit’s high-
est honor. Her father, Paul
Zuckerman, received the award
in 1969. Her myriad com-
munity involvements have
included the presidencies of
JVS and Federation’s Women’s
Philanthropy and top leadership
roles with Federation’s annual
campaign, its executive commit-
tee and planning & allocations
steering committee.
The honorary board is co-
chaired by Eugene Applebaum,
the Hon. Avern Cohn and
Michael Steinhardt. •

Purim Fun

Don’t miss Temple Israel’s adult
Purim celebration March 11, where
you’ll be treated to the spiel Like A
Rolling Prune, A Protest Purim Spiel.
The fun starts at 7 p.m. with
wine, appetizers and music. The
Purim spiel starts at 7:30, followed
by dancing and hamentashen. The
evening will be filled with Megillah
reading, eating, drinking, shmooz-
ing and so much more!
There’s no charge, and it’s open
to the community. Dress casual or
come in costume.
Temple Israel is also offering
complimentary babysitting for
children 2 and older with advance
RSVP only. To RSVP or for more
information, contact Lisa Kaplan at
(248) 661-5725 or lkaplan@
temple-israel.org. •

NMAJH

JON HARDWICK

JN Foundation
Selects Klein
For Honorary
Board

NMAJH’s Summer 2016 Interns.

Museum Internship Opportunity

The National Museum of American
Jewish History (NMAJH) announced
a generous gift from the Eugene
Applebaum Family Foundation
to support two paid, full-time
Applebaum Family Interns for the
summer of 2017. The gift will pro-
vide funds to qualified applicants
who reside in or attend a college or
university in Michigan.
“This is an exciting opportu-
nity for Michigan college stu-
dents to experience working in a
Smithsonian Affiliate museum on
Independence Mall in Philadelphia,”
said Judith Finkel and Ethel
Weinberg, NMAJH’s academic liai-

sons. “Our interns, who work in
every department in the museum
and attend a weekly seminar, have
the wonderful opportunity to learn
how a nonprofit cultural organiza-
tion works.”
Internships are available across
many departments, including
administration, curatorial, develop-
ment, education, facilities rental
and events planning, group services,
marketing and communications,
public programs and retail/opera-
tions.
To learn more about and apply,
visit NMAJH.org/Internship. •

