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My
Story
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Power Of A Hug
I
t was early in Sedona’s hiking sea-
son. An hour into our hike, we’d
not encountered another person.
During a water break, another hiker
came up to chat. We ran through the
usual questions: Where are you from?
How long are you stay-
ing? What trails have
you hiked? Standard
fare for these brief
exchanges before
parting ways.
The hiker, a big
burly guy, maybe in
his 40s, was alone
for the day. Up from
Debra Darvick
business in Phoenix,
he had a few hours
before his flight back
to the Midwest. Just
as he was about to start off again, he
stopped and said, “My wife died four
months ago. I miss her so.” Then he
broke down sobbing.
In a single moment, a casual conver-
sation on the trail, like dozens we had
had before, veered onto another path.
This big muscled guy, shaved head,
pack slung over one shoulder, began to
tell us about losing his beloved wife of
20-plus years. They were high school
sweethearts. They had two teenaged
boys, one off to college in the fall. She
had battled breast cancer for over a
dozen years. I did the math and realized
she had been ill most of their sons’ lives.
“I feel so guilty for wanting her to
die at the end,” he said through choked
cries. “Just so she would stop suffering.
Am I a monster for praying for that?
She fought so hard. I love her so much.
I’m so lost now.”
This stranger, who was no longer
a stranger but a fellow human being
stripped raw by grief, stood before us
in such pain. A moment opened and I
took a chance.
“May I give you a hug?” I asked.
“It looks like you need a hug.” In an
instant, this big burly man collapsed
onto me the way a child might, utterly
spent and vulnerable. I wrapped my
arms around him and held him for lon-
ger than I ever thought he would allow.
The moment passed.
0002154240
We all kind of awkwardly regrouped.
We introduced ourselves properly, kind
of laughing self-consciously at where
we found ourselves. He mumbled
something about the grieving process.
I said something about how crucial
it is to give himself the time and per-
mission to grieve, that there is no
timetable when processing such a life-
altering devastation.
I shared that I was Jewish and had
benefited from the structure of recit-
ing Kaddish daily for the traditional
11-month period of mourning. Having
gone through the process when my
mother died, I understood the wisdom
of following the timetable our sages laid
out. I urged him to find a community,
within his church or elsewhere, where
he would find a place and the support
to continue grieving.
He walked on and we followed soon
after. We didn’t see our friend until we
climbed back down and ran into him
on the plateau below. I was aston-
ished to see how much lighter he
seemed. He was smiling and came up
to us, arms wide, and hugged us each
once again with thanks for listening
and being there. We wished him a safe
flight back home.
You never know where a seemingly
simple conversation can lead. A total
stranger opened up and revealed his
suffering right before us. I offered him
a hug and held him as he cried. We
had been put upon one another’s path
by some Divine intention. What an
extraordinary moment of humanity and
communion. •
Debra Darvick is a JN contributing writer. She
and her husband, Martin, created a conversation
game called Picture a Conversation. This blog
post appeared first on pictureaconversation.com.
guest column
Uncertainty Over ‘Obamacare’
T
here’s been lots of angst and
conjecture in post-election
USA, much of it focused on
the future of the Affordable Care Act.
Fifteen years ago,
long before the ACA,
someone called
my agency, Jewish
Family Service of
Metropolitan Detroit,
and said they didn’t
have health insur-
ance and wanted
Perry Ohren
to know if we could
help. Then another,
and another. It was
clear we had to act
so we created Project Chessed, an ele-
gant solution for uninsured members
of our community.
To ensure access to healthcare,
Project Chessed leveraged the vol-
unteer spirit of more than 800 phy-
sicians, partnerships with major
healthcare systems, the generosity
of funders, specifically the Jewish
Fund, and plenty of other stakehold-
ers, notably EHIM and Mindi Fynke.
Functioning like a Cadillac HMO, this
life-saving program helped more than
2,000 people in the Metro Detroit area
with a medical home and everything
from open heart surgery to prescrip-
tion medication at low to no cost.
I was relieved when the ACA forced
us to sunset Project Chessed, mov-
ing us into health care navigation to
shepherd our participants to afford-
able care on the exchanges or Healthy
Michigan, i.e., Medicaid. While the
ACA’s not been perfect, it’s been, from
this Jewish communal professional’s
perspective, a game-changer. More
than 600,000 more Michiganders
have access to healthcare through
Medicaid. Many of them are our
neighbors in Oak Park, Farmington
Hills and West Bloomfield.
The phone’s been ringing off the
hook recently with questions like,
“Will JFS resurrect Project Chessed?”
Answer — I don’t know.
Jewish Family Service was built
and exists to respond to community
needs. My predecessor, Norm Keane,
a JFS movement lifer, was famous for
saying he never thought JFS would
ever get into the healthcare business.
But we did because there was a need,
and no one else was solving the prob-
lem.
If the ACA is repealed, people in
our community will be hurting. Less
healthcare. More bills. Not to mention
the other stressors that will accom-
pany these. Once more is known,
Marcie Carr has a car that came
to her used, and wasn’t in the best of
repair when she received it. Marcie
didn’t realize the extent of the car’s
needs when she brought it home.
“I’m grateful to have my car, and I
depend on it,” Marcie said. “It’s my
only method of transportation. But I
didn’t know about all the issues, like
the windshield wipers would just stop
sometimes, and the heat wasn’t
working. At the first oil change, I was
told the brakes needed to be done.
It’s a great car overall, but the repairs
it needed were unexpected and
expensive to deal with.”
It was while Marcie was online
researching options for fixing her car
when she remembered Hebrew Free
Loan. Years prior, her sister had
applied to Hebrew Free Loan, listing
Marcie as one of the co-signers. She
decided to check into it.
“From the website to the phone
call I made to the HFL office, it was
very easy to apply,” Marcie said. “I
filled out the paperwork and met
the Board members for an interview,
and through the whole process,
everyone was pleasant and kind.
They based my payments on my
ability to pay back, so I was really
pleased and grateful I could have
my vehicle fixed and it wouldn’t be
a strain on me to repay.”
Coming to Hebrew Free Loan was
a blessing, Marcie said. “They were
there for me. My advice to others is
to contact HFL and not to be intimi-
dated, because everyone there was
courteous and friendly. I needed
something, and there was no room
to be shy. A closed mouth doesn’t
get fed, right? I’m glad I called.”
Become an HFL Donor.
Click. Call. Give Now.
www.hfldetroit.org
248.723.8184
Health. A fresh start.
A good education.
The next great business idea.
Hebrew Free Loan gives interest-
free loans to members of our
community for a variety of
personal and small business
needs. HFL loans are funded
entirely through community
donations which continually
recycle to others, generating
many times the original value
to help maintain the lives of
local Jews.
6735 Telegraph Road, Suite 300 • Bloomfield Hills, MI 48301
Hebrew Free Loan Detroit
continued on page 6
@HFLDetroit
2139990
jn
January 26 • 2017
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