COMING SOON For Showtimes and Tickets, please visit themapletheater.com jews d in the family counseling Who Is Deserving? HOST YOUR NEXT EVENT AT THE MAPLE! D "SFZPVQMBOOJOHBTPDJBMPSDPSQPSBUF FWFOU ø5IF.BQMF5IFBUFSBOE,JUDIFOJT UIFQFSGFDUQMBDFGPSBVOJRVFFYQFSJFODFø 'VMMDBUFSJOHTFSWJDFTQMVTXPOEFSGVM BNCJFODF&WFSZUIJOHJTQPTTJCMFø $POUBDUSVUI!UIFNBQMFUIFBUFSDPNPSDBMM $PNFUBTUFXIBUFWFSZPOFJTUBMLJOHBCPVU 0QFOGPSMVODIBOEEJOOFSEBJMZ 'PS$BSSZPVUQMFBTFDBMMtUIFNBQMFUIFBUFSDPN Proudly Serving: 8.BQMF3PBEt#MPPNýFME)JMMTø 5IF"SUPG'JMNt5IF"SUPG'PPE 'PSUIF#&45-6963:NPWJFFYQFSJFODF DIFDLPVU THE RIVIERA. t is This sea r you! o waiting f FILMS COMING SOON For showtimes and to purchase tickets, please visit therivieracinema.com (SBOE3JWFS"WFOVF 'BSNJOHUPO)JMMT (off of 9 mile, just West of Middlebelt) Have a FREE* POPCORN on us! Valid at The Maple & The Riviera Expires 2/28/17 *Small bag of popcorn 34 January 26 • 2017 jn Daniel Rosenbaum, Ph.D., LMSW o you ever think you deserve something — a good meal, a raise or a person’s love? Do you buy things because you believe you deserve them? Do you deny yourself things because you doubt you truly deserve them? How do you even decide what you deserve? Do you determine it? Or do others decide your life’s social or emo- tional necessities? Recently, a friend was having a bad day. After describing a series of horrible events, she construed that for some unknown reason she deserved it. Not long thereafter, another friend was in a bad car accident. He responded in the oppo- site way, concluding that in no way did he deserve this. After eating a great meal we had made, we expressed our satis- faction by saying that indeed we work hard so we deserve this wonder- ful repast. Events like these makes one consider how we decide what we deserve or what we deny ourselves. Most people feel they deserve respect. Respect, however, is not a given; it must be earned. Some people feel they do not get the respect they feel they deserve. A parent or spouse can demand respect; but won’t get it if interactions are disrespectful or punitive. If you want respect, demon- strate it by showing respect for others. Certainly, we all want happiness in life. We hope to grow up in a functioning family, be satisfied at work or have a successful marriage. Still, we can feel slighted when we are denied anything that compromises our happiness. The things that make us happy — like promotions or awards — sometimes go to others who may be more worthy. Too often, we compare what we want to what others have. Deserving, however, does not equal acquisition. Why does one person attend college on a scholarship while someone equally deserving works hard to pay off student loans? Comparing what you lack to what others have can lead to anger, jealousy or self-recrimination. Our successes, after all, are based on ability and effort, rarely on luck or fate. Some measure what they deserve by how much they have rather than the quality of what they have. Garnering many things of lesser quality, however, does not substitute for superior things you want. Demanding more money or time off from an unsatisfying job does not confirm that you deserve either. Truly, nothing you think you deserve is ever assured; you can only expect to get out of life what you put into it. So, by offering love honestly and treating others with respect, we are attuned to know what each of us deserves. As the Rolling Stones said: “You can’t always get what you want; you get what you need.” Such is it with what we deserve. • Dr. Daniel Rosenbaum is a clinical social worker at Counseling Associates Inc. in West Bloomfield.