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ON FAMILY, BLENDED
BACKGROUNDS AND
MARRIAGE
J: I grew up in Franklin and attended
Temple Beth El. My mom, originally
from New Jersey, lives in Franklin,
works as a corporate meeting planner
and is active on the board of Hadassah
of Greater Detroit. My dad, who grew
up in Philly, is a labor and employment
attorney and lives in West Bloomfield
with my stepmom, a nurse. I am the
oldest of three; my sister is working
on her Ph.D. in epidemiology at the
University of Washington in Seattle,
and my brother is an undergrad study-
ing accounting at Purdue University,
but I’m hoping to lure them back to
Detroit.
S: I was born and raised here, grew
up next door [to Plymouth] in Livonia.
Like Jonathan, I am the oldest of three;
both my sisters and parents live here in
the area. As far as my religious back-
ground, I consider myself secular more
than anything.
ON MEETING AND
GETTING MARRIED
J: It was just before I started law school
at Wayne State University — Stacy had
just finished her first year in college
and was working one of her summer
jobs at a restaurant. I had been there
many times that summer but had never
seen her before. It was kind of fate that
we met — all because of a hurricane.
I was on my way to visit my grand-
parents in Florida, but my flight was
canceled at the last minute because
of Hurricane Frances. So I decided to
go out with friends to the place where
Stacy happened to be hosting that
night. We struck up a conversation and
immediately connected.
As it turned out, that was also her last
day on the job. If it wasn’t for Frances
canceling my flight, I’m not sure we’d
ever have met. I mustered the courage
to ask her out on the spot — and the
rest is history.
S: We had a secular wedding, with a
few Jewish elements. In fact, my father
built our chuppah.
J: We didn’t seek out clergy to marry
us. I had close ties with a judge, so we
didn’t even broach the complex subject
of finding a rabbi to officiate our wed-
ding. There are wonderful couples we’ve
met that tell us about the challenges
they face in planning an interfaith wed-
ding, particularly in finding a local
rabbi who will do a joint ceremony with
clergy of another faith.
Another complexity of planning
a Jewish wedding is the often-cited
precondition for participation set by
many rabbis, even those who market as
interfaith-friendly, that couples commit
30 November 10 • 2016
“For me, celebrating
a diversity of holidays is
nothing new.”
— Jonathan Schwartz
“NEXTGen events have
provided me a better
understanding of Jewish
culture and traditions.”
— Stacy Schwartz
to raising Jewish children. Hearing that
requirement from clergy can feel off-
putting or exclusionary. We, as a com-
munity, need to open up the discussion
of how to better welcome and embrace
interfaith couples and foster their will-
ingness to embrace Jewish traditions
and culture, to whatever extent they feel
comfortable.
S: And, that must include not only
marriage — but also celebrating other
lifecycle events and holidays. Jonathan
and I are grateful for a family that sup-
ports us.
J: My stepmom — my brother’s moth-
er — is Catholic. So for me, celebrating
a diversity of holidays is nothing new.
Stacy’s family didn’t have much expo-
sure to the Jewish religion or culture
before we started dating, but they take
an interest in learning about it now and
enjoy being included. It’s amazing.
ON GETTING INVOLVED
WITH FEDERATION
J: My involvement with Federation goes
back a few years ago to a networking
event where I met Peter Alter, former
president of Federation. He asked if
I did anything with Federation, and
I told him I really didn’t know what
Federation does. Peter put me in touch
with Miryam Rosenzweig, then head
of NEXTGen and, within 48 hours, we
were set to meet for coffee.
I told Miryam from the outset that
my wife is supportive of the Jewish
community, but we were not going to
get involved in Federation unless we
found a niche open to diversity and
welcoming to all different kinds of Jews,
including interfaith couples. Miryam
assured me that we’d find a great fit
with Federation’s NEXTGen Detroit,
which was beginning to discuss ways to
provide outreach to underserved groups
in the community, including interfaith
couples and LGBTQ Jews.
Soon thereafter, Stacy and I attended
a couple of events. I went through the
leadership development programs, and
then I joined the board in 2015. At my
first board meeting, I stood up and said
we should formally pursue interfaith
couple and LGBTQ outreach initiatives.
After that meeting, two fellow board
members came up to me: Rabbi Dan
Horwitz of The Well, who said he want-
ed to do interfaith couple program-
ming, and Sam Dubin, who told me he
had recently come out and was thrilled
to learn there was an ally willing to
embrace outreach to LGBTQ Jews. So
right then and there, we decided: Let’s
do this.
We got the ball rolling, and NEXTGen
staff and board members quickly
embraced both initiatives. My involve-
ment with these efforts stems from the
belief that there are all kinds of ways to
be Jewish and part of the Jewish com-
munity, and that being supportive of
both interfaith and LGBTQ people and
families is simply the right thing to do.
NEXTGen Pride has held several
events and the Interfaith Couples group
launched on Oct. 27 with a guest panel
of three couples of different ages and
stages of life.
S: I was happy to see Jonathan have
an opportunity to make new connec-
tions and re-connections, both personal
and professional, while giving back to
the Jewish community in a way that is
meaningful to him.
I’ve also enjoyed participating.
Beyond the social aspect, NEXTGen
events have provided me a better
understanding of Jewish culture and
traditions. Though the culture and
traditions may not be my own, they
are Jonathan’s, which I fully embrace
and want to celebrate as an interfaith
couple.
ON FEDERATION’S FIRST
INTERFAITH COUPLES
MISSION TO ISRAEL
S: Ever since Jonathan and I have been
together, he has wanted to take me to
Israel. And I always had been a little
hesitant given the security picture the
media can paint. But when Federation
launched the Interfaith Couples Mission
and asked us to serve as co-chairs, mak-
ing the trip suddenly had more purpose
and meaning to me. It was a wonderful
opportunity for us. There’s so much
about Israel I just “didn’t get” before —
now I do.
The trip itself was a lot of fun; we
made great friends of all ages and
learned a lot. The standout moment
for me was the guided tour at Yad
Vashem. Every piece of that memorial
had thought and meaning to it, which I
found very powerful.
Seeing, firsthand, how Federation
invests in youth programs and
other areas of need in the Michigan
Partnership2Gether Region really put
Federation’s work at home into a new
perspective.
J: I am very grateful we had the
opportunity. We have Federation to
thank for the trip, which was heavily
subsidized by Federation’s Mission Lab
initiative with the support of Nora and
Guy Barron, who are visionaries in rec-
ognizing the value of helping interfaith
couples experience Israel together.
A standout moment for me was
returning to Masada, where I celebrated
my bar mitzvah 20 years ago. I also was
deeply moved by stories at Yad Vashem
of Righteous Gentiles risking their lives
to save Jews during the Holocaust.
ON DETROIT
J: I talk to people thinking about com-
ing back to Detroit all the time, espe-
cially when they reach out to JBAM
and NEXTGen. I tell them to absolutely
move back — there’s so much here for
you, so many great people doing won-
derful things. I will help you; this com-
munity will help you. You’re going to
love it here!
It’s easy to be a cheerleader for the
Metro Detroit area; it’s made a great
home for us. The city and region are
continuing to get better and better with
more to offer. We like to think we’re
playing our small part in helping.
*
Vivian Henoch is editor of My Jewish Detroit where a
longer version of this article first appeared.