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DETROIT JEW
NEWS
A Pre-election Post-election Assessment
L
et’s be honest, and most of us can
because we’re not running for
office. Partisan politics aside, you
have to admit the presidential campaigns
have lowered the bar so low they would
give even Shemika Charles of Buffalo a
run for her money. Shemika is the world’s
reigning limbo champion. (Thank you,
Google!)
In 2010, she earned
a spot in the Guinness
Book of World Records
having limboed under
a bar resting on two
beer bottles — that’s
8.5 inches. And just last
year, she became the
Alan Muskovitz first person to limbo
under an SUV. If only
our politicians could
exhibit that kind of flexibility we wouldn’t
find ourselves in this mess.
Because my monthly column is being
published prior to next Tuesday’s elec-
tion, I normally would have to wait until
December to offer my post-election assess-
ment. But with so much at stake, that
delay is unacceptable. So I’m left with no
other choice but to make stuff up ahead of
time. And that’s not as easy as it sounds. I
mean how many times did you hear wild
and crazy stories about both major party
nominees and say to yourself, “You can’t
make this stuff up!” See, my job is harder
than it looks.
Donald Trump
WINS BIG!
AT HOME
Modern Heat
2 4FQUFNCFSt
Get inspired this
autumn by a new
wave of fireplaces.
See page 52.
1942 - 2016
Covering and
HILLARY CLINTON WINS!
Hillary Clinton has been elected the
45th president of the U.S. and, in doing
so, becomes our nation’s first female
president! Clinton was sworn in with her
WINS BIG!
5777
That being said, I offer you a peek into
the future and a look at how a victory for
either candidate might be written.
DONALD TRUMP WINS!
Donald Trump has been elected the 45th
president of the United States and, in
doing so, our nation has, for the second
consecutive time, elected a man of color
— one black and one orange.
Trump was sworn in with his daughter,
Ivanka, by his side, filling in for her most
recent stepmother, Melania, who filed for
divorce on election eve.
Upon placing his right hand on the
Bible at the swearing-in ceremony — the
Bible burst into flames. While some are
calling it Divine intervention, Trump pro-
claimed, “Believe me, the Bible was rigged
to catch on fire and that’s fine because the
whole Bible story is a disaster anyway. And
nobody knows religion better than me.
Believe me. I know God, and he would
tell you that had I been in charge, I’d have
created the world in five days. Go ahead
— ask Him.”
The ceremony ended abruptly after
President Trump “allegedly” groped Justice
Ruth Bader Ginsberg.
Connecting
Jewish Detroit
Every Week
E
AT HOM
Heat
Modern
this
Get inspired
new
autumn by a
es.
wave of fireplac
See page 52.
2 4FQUFNCFSt
daughter, Chelsea, by her side,who filled
in for her father, from whom Hillary filed
for divorce as soon as she secured enough
electoral votes to win. However, in an act
of conciliation, she permitted Bill to attend
the ceremony with his latest girlfriend …
whom he’s never had relations with.
In a break with tradition, Chief
Justice John Roberts allowed the former
senator to read the oath of office off
her Blackberry. The historic phone was
immediately sent over to the Smithsonian,
which later reported the oath had mysteri-
ously been deleted. Fortunately, WikiLeaks
announced it will email a copy of the oath
to the museum just as soon as they can get
it from some IT guy in Russia.
So, there you have it. This time next
week we’ll have one new president and
most likely one new contestant on next
season’s Dancing with the Stars. In the
meantime, only 1,470 days until the 2020
election! God Bless America and … may
God help us all!
*
Alan Muskovitz is a writer, voice-over/acting talent,
speaker, emcee and guest host on the Mitch Albom
Show on WJR AM 760. Visit his website at
laughwithbigal.com and “Like” Al on Facebook.
community view
The Death By Neglect Of A Community
Our Story
On November 11, 1895, ten Jewish
businessmen met in the back room of
a Detroit shoe store to establish the
Gmiluth Chasudim Society, which
would later become Hebrew Free
Loan. Created in the face of glaring
anti-Semitism, the founding members
pledged varying amounts of money to
be put into a central loan fund and used
to help keep Jewish businesses and
families solvent. It was a place to go
when there was nowhere else to turn.
The shoe store where the Society
met belonged to Selig Koploy, and
his store’s back room remained the
group’s home until 1907. Selig Koploy
was the Society’s second president,
serving 1901-1907, and 1908-1913.
Fast forward to the 21st Century,
when Nancy Grand, as Federation
Campaign chair, concluded a meeting
with then-HFL Executive Director
Mary Keane. As they walked toward
the HFL office door, Nancy paused
to look at the photos of the agency’s
Past Presidents.
“The second picture looked totally
familiar to me,” Nancy said. “The
name under the picture was Selig
Koploy, and I had seen the picture in
my grandmother’s house. He was her
father, and my sister, Susan, was
named for him. Our family never
spoke of the past, so I knew
absolutely nothing about him, or
Hebrew Free Loan.”
That chance family connection
compelled Nancy to learn more
about Selig Koploy, about the agency
he helped found, and to become
involved with HFL herself.
“Some of Selig’s quality informs
who I am today,” Nancy said, “including
dedication to communal service. And
a love of shoes.”
Become an HFL Donor.
Click. Call. Give Now.
www.hfldetroit.org
248.723.8184
S
orrow and heartache
nity, which claims to value older
walked with me Erev
people.
Rosh Hashanah from
There are hundreds of us still
the parking lot adjacent to the
living in this 10 Mile Corridor,
now dark and boarded up JPM
and we have been abandoned
up the path I always walk to
heartlessly by not only the JCC,
Temple Emanu-El, through my
but our Federation as well. We
family’s Birnkrant Garden.
are the stepchildren of the Metro
Janet Birnkrant Detroit Jewish community, much
The few spaces left in the
parking lot are surrounded by Levine
as we were decades ago before
trash, huge dark Dumpsters
our grassroots citizens fought to
and shipping crates. Danger seems to
save this vital Jewish presence. We’re not
lurk in every shadow.
all from West Bloomfield.
All the former joyful families mak-
The fight to save our JPM was pas-
ing their way on foot to services have
sionate, and loose promises were made
vanished. The countless seniors who
to appease and silence our voices.
live in Prentis and Teitel apartments
Now the reality is cruelly apparent. In
seem locked away in fear of venturing
the darkened parking lot, any threaten-
out after years of walking freely to our
ing people might hide. No one is safe
temple and other little shuls around us.
walking here. Our Temple Emanu-El
The desolation left behind is not only
path guard had to walk me to my car
an eyesore, but a shame on this commu- with his flashlight.
. com
Hillary Clinton
Parking lot of the former JCC in Oak Park
For shame! Shame on the JCC for
neglect and abandonment of this
still-vital, precious neighborhood. We
have been wished away. Shame on our
Federation for not stepping into the void
with help to turn on the lights and offer
safe passage once again.
What has become of all those little
and not-so-little family endowments
made over the years to support JPM, the
pool and its programs? This story goes
back a long way.
MDOT, with the urging of our 10 Mile
grassroots efforts way back in the 1970s
Health. A fresh start.
A good education.
The next great business idea.
Hebrew Free Loan gives interest-
free loans to members of our
community for a variety of
personal and small business
needs. HFL loans are funded
entirely through community
donations which continually
recycle to others, generating
many times the original value
to help maintain the lives of
local Jews.
6735 Telegraph Road, Suite 300 • Bloomfield Hills, MI 48301
Hebrew Free Loan Detroit
@HFLDetroit
continued on page 6
November 3 • 2016
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