Josh Jacobs of Farmington Hills
hugs Rabbi Jennifer Kaluzny while
volunteers Diane Okun and Joel
Silberblatt of West Bloomfield pull
weeds. Dave Tomlian from Hebrew
Memorial looks on.

Finding Aaron

After 37 years, couple
finds baby’s grave; spurs
cleanup of children’s
cemetery section.

Keri Guten Cohen | Story Development Editor

T

wice a year, volunteers led by Rabbi
Jennifer Kaluzny of Temple Israel
in West Bloomfield travel to the
children’s section of Hebrew Memorial Park
in Clinton Township to lovingly clear weeds
and debris from graves in the children’s sec-
tion.
“This mitzvah project began when one of
our families discovered their son was buried
in that section of the cemetery, and they were
upset by the lack of upkeep,” Kaluzny says.
That son was Aaron Ben Bocknek, child
of Cheryl and Marc Bocknek of West
Bloomfield. Aaron was born prematurely
and lived only three days. Today, he would
have been 38.
“At the time, the rabbi who handled the
arrangements told us that, according to
Jewish law, because our son didn’t live for
31 days, we couldn’t do a full funeral,” says
Cheryl, who added that back then they were
not affiliated with a synagogue. “We were
told it just wasn’t done then.
“At that time, no one talked about losing
a child. We didn’t want to scare our older

child, Steven, so we just kind of cocooned
afterward. We put ourselves out of touch for
a few days to recover from shock. Our son
was starting nursey school, and we were
determined to give him a normal start, so
we turned things around and just went on.”
Cheryl continued, telling her story public-
ly for the first time. “We never realized how
unresolved we were until Rabbi Jennifer
Kaluzny started a support group at Temple
Israel. I asked if the group was just for
young families losing children, and her ini-
tial response was yes. Then she told us she
had made a mistake and we were more than
welcome. We joined about 1½ years ago.”
Kaluzny, who also has lost a child,
Sage, her son Asher’s twin sister, told the
Bockneks she would do whatever she could
to help them find their son. She also told
them she wanted to help give them time and
space to grieve their son.
When Aaron died, the Bockneks didn’t
attend a funeral, much less a burial. And
there was no shivah for support.
“Because of the evolving nature of Jewish

law and Jewish thought, always considering
people’s emotional needs, changes have been
made for the better,” Cheryl says. “Families
are grieving over their babies.”
Kaluzny helped the Bockneks in their
search for Aaron’s resting place by putting
them in touch with a rabbi, who asked them
for Aaron’s birth date and said he would
check through records. The couple also
began calling cemeteries.
“The first call was to Hebrew Memorial,”
Cheryl says. “I told them our story and they
said they could locate records, too. We got
lucky. They gave us the information. When I
told the rabbi, he told me how much things
have changed.”
The Bockneks learned where Aaron’s
grave was in the children’s section at Hebrew
Memorial Park, but it was difficult to find
because some of the numbers had worn off.
It had been 37 years since his burial.
A staff member from Hebrew Memorial
met them there and found the grave; he
assured the Bockneks it was where Aaron
was buried.

continued on page 24

22 October 13 • 2016

Cheryl and Marc Bocknek found
the gravesite of their infant son
after 37 years of not knowing his
final resting place.

Jerry Zolynsky

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