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essay
Jewish Values And Domestic Abuse
O
ne in four women will experience
A critical reason why domestic violence is
domestic abuse in her lifetime.
so hard to combat is because victims often
Despite this problem’s prevalence do not come forward. They could be afraid
in our society, few steps have been taken
of what their partner might do (or they have
to address it. Indeed, people often under-
received threats from their partner) or could
estimate the extent of domestic violence in
be afraid of what people may think. One way
Jewish communities such as our own, believ- to encourage victims of domestic violence
ing that it is something that happens to other to seek help is to always reach out to people
communities, especially those of
who appear to be in need — to “seek
less affluence.
peace” for them and “pursue it.”
Unfortunately, this false
Bakesh shalom v’rodfehu also
assumption causes domestic
instructs Jews to be proactive in help-
violence within our community
ing others, including by organizing
to be ignored, which, in turn,
others to do the same. In the case of
discourages victims from seeking
domestic violence, there are many
help. The tragedy with domestic
types of organized assistance our
violence going unaddressed in the
members could establish by leverag-
Jewish community is that our very Hannah Katz
ing our large number of profession-
Jewish values provide a playbook
als, giving members and financial
to recognize it, create avenues for
strength. Whether it is free counsel-
victims to seek help and to stop it at its roots. ing, legal services, lodging or even financial
One reason why domestic violence occurs assistance, our community has the talent and
at such a high rate is that friends and fam-
resources to provide help.
ily of victims lack the fundamental ability
For example, willing people in our com-
to recognize it. However, signs usually exist
munity could temporarily house victims of
that it is occurring, and our Jewish values
domestic abuse after they choose to leave
encourage people to have the vision to rec-
their abusers. The organization could set
ognize those signs. Signs that someone may
up a mobile application similar to Airbnb,
be experiencing domestic violence include
which helps travelers find places to stay.
absences from school or work, changes in
With respect to domestic violence, victims
personality, low self-esteem and isolation.
could use the application confidentially to
While these signs may be somewhat vague
choose a conveniently located home with
or not directly indicative of violence, they
amenities to suit their and their children’s
are all examples of bad things happening to
needs.
people.
For another example, people could volun-
As Jews, we have an obligation to “bakesh
teer to escort victims or accompany them
shalom v’rodfehu” or to “seek peace and pur- throughout their day to make them feel safe
sue it.” In this case, bakesh shalom v’rodfehu after they have fled an abuser. Indeed, this
teaches not to ignore someone’s absences,
could even be done on an “electronic” basis.
personality changes, expressed low self-
On college campuses throughout the
esteem or isolation. Rather, it teaches us to
country, applications are emerging that allow
reach out to discover what is wrong and to
students to walk home alone while being
help.
“e-accompanied” by a family member or
friend who is
Don Rochlen, JFS chairperson; Hannah Katz, Frankel Jewish Academy,
then notified if
first-place essay winner; JFS CEO Perry Ohren; Zachary Collen, North
the student either Farmington High School, second place; Mark Jacobs, 100 Mensches
presses a button co-chair; and Randi Traison, FJA, third place
or fails to press
a button within
Finally, Jewish values teach that we pun-
a certain amount of time. By utilizing this
ish those who choose to engage in domestic
technology for domestic abuse victims in our violence. Jews believe in the concept of
community with our members monitoring,
hochai’ach tochee’ach or “you shall rebuke.”
we can help them continue with their daily
This value requires a Jew to be a critic of
lives with little interruption.
those who make terrible mistakes in order to
aid society. Consistent with this value, there
PREVENTING ABUSE
must be consequences for those who engage
However, helping domestic violence victims
in domestic violence. Our community can
after the fact does not prevent domestic
achieve this by reporting known instances of
violence from occurring in the first place.
domestic abuse, by promoting the diligent
In order to stop domestic violence, we must
prosecution of domestic abusers and by sup-
educate people before they become abusers
porting tough penalties for those who engage
— in fact, when they are children. What we
in such misconduct.
learn as children impacts us for the rest of
Whether publicized or not, domestic vio-
our lives.
lence is a problem in our own Jewish com-
The Jewish value of derech eretz, or
munity. But, as discussed above, our Jewish
“proper behavior,” instructs us to do this very values provide tools and guidance to help
thing. The values instilled in us as children
tackle it. While I may only be a high school
from our parents, friends and teachers shape senior, I intend to pursue a career involv-
whom we will become. As part of derech
ing the protection of women’s rights, which
eretz, children must be expressly taught
would include the prevention of violence
that violence against children and spouses
against women.
is unacceptable in our community and soci-
The Jewish values that have been instilled
ety. Children must also be taught that even
in me not only have been an inspiration for
when they feel they do not have the means
this pursuit, but also provide me with the
to deal with problems or insecurities in their tools for being successful. With my pas-
relationships other than by violence (which
sion for helping all people, along with my
is often the mindset of domestic abusers),
strong Jewish values, I hope to help create a
there are, in fact, other means, and violence
violence-free tomorrow.
is never acceptable.
So, as part of teaching “proper behavior,”
Hannah Katz, a recent graduate of Frankel Jewish
our community (through its day school and
Academy, won first place in an essay contest for high
Hebrew school curriculums) must not only
school seniors on the topic of how Jewish values
teach that violence is never acceptable, but
can help create a future free of domestic abuse. The
must also teach children the practical con-
contest, which paid cash prizes for the top three
flict resolution and people skills to substitute essays, was sponsored by Jewish Family Service’s 100
for violence.
Mensches men’s group.
*
editorial
Haredi Vitriol Toward Non-Orthodox Hurts Israel
A
nagging undercurrent to the con-
troversy over Israel’s plans to cre-
ate a designated prayer section for
non-Orthodox worshippers at the Western
Wall takes the form of haredi Orthodox rab-
bis ridiculing non-Orthodox Jews.
The boorish behavior not only isn’t
becoming of rabbinic leaders in the ancestral
Jewish homeland, but also does nothing to
bring the Jewish people, varied as we are reli-
giously, together.
In a recent example, Israel’s former
Sephardic chief rabbi, said the landmark
compromise creating a mixed-gender prayer
space at the Western Wall would “weaken
Jerusalem,” the Israeli capital. He went on
to say allowing the space in an area dubbed
Robinson’s Arch would be “an unforgiveable
wrong, a sin that begets more.”
8 June 23 • 2016
“And if we do not maintain our holy com-
mitment on these matters,” Rabbi Shlomo
Amar declared on June 5, “we will find our-
selves immediately dragged into things that
will lead to a schism among the people.”
In reality, Amar’s rant has proven a drag
on the efforts of non-Orthodox Jews to
establish a toehold in the waters of religious
pluralism inside Israel.
It didn’t help that Amar, current Sephardic
chief rabbi of Jerusalem and thus a role
model in the haredi Orthodox community,
branded Jews who favor a pluralistic worship
space at the Western Wall as “wicked.”
PUSH AND PULL
Such name-calling reeks of fear that
Israel’s Progressive (Reform) and Masorti
(Conservative) streams as well as Women
of the Wall, which is committed to liberal
prayer at the Wall, might gain a recognized
presence at Judaism’s holiest site.
In January, Israel’s Cabinet approved
developing the Wall’s non-Orthodox wor-
ship space to the south of the Orthodox-
controlled traditional plaza. Uproar by
Israel’s haredi Orthodox parties, and both
current chief rabbis, effectively shelved
expansion of the contentious space pending
further review.
The haredi coalition is against construc-
tion of a shared entrance to both the tradi-
tional plaza and the new space, arguing these
distinctly different prayer areas should not
be thought of as equal. The coalition also is
against non-Orthodox representation on the
committee overseeing the non-Orthodox
area at the Wall.
UNNEEDED FRENZY
Meanwhile, leaders of the Reform and
Conservative movements in the U.S. main-
tain a drumbeat of pressure on Israeli Prime
Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to break the
stalemate in his government and bring to
fruition the Western Wall’s expanded plural-
istic worship space.
Israel faces a battery of grave matters, not
the least of which are international isolation,
Palestinian violence, a spiraling cost of liv-
ing and terrorist groups staging at multiple
borders.
It doesn’t need the distraction of a furor
over who is a Jew — or Shlomo Amar divi-
sively mocking egalitarian-prayer proponents
for acting, in his twisted view, “brazenly and
mockingly” in their quest to “desecrate” the
Western Wall.
*