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National Council of Jewish Women
Greater Detroit Section

for openers

Celebrating
125 years

College Football Fantasies

F

or my first column of 2016, I’d
Look, the Boca Raton Bowl is legit
like to pay tribute to mediocrity.
and was played on Dec. 22 on the
No, I’m not referring to my writ-
campus of Florida Atlantic University,
ing skills or the state of our political
which for snow birds is conveniently
system. I’m talkin’ college football bowl
located just 20 minutes from both the
games. Did you happen to notice there
Bagel Twin Deli on Linton and Ben’s
were a “few” over the last couple of
Deli on Clint Moore. In a minor upset,
weeks?
the University of Toledo Rockets
Forty-one bowl games to
defeated the 24th ranked Temple
be exact; including the Quick
Owls 32-17.
Lane Bowl at Ford Field featur-
I watched highlights of the
ing Central Michigan versus
game and noticed a lot of empty
the 5-7 Minnesota Golden
seats. Of course there were!
Gophers. Really, 5-7? Yes,
The game started at 7 p.m. and
essentially these days if your
most people who live in Boca
team has a pulse, it gets invited Alan Muskovitz don’t like to drive at night. Had I
to a bowl game. I didn’t check
been in charge of marketing this
Stub Hub, but I hear there are
game, I would’ve had it three
still tickets left to see Michigan Beauty
days later on Christmas and promoted it
College play in the Head & Shoulders
as the only bowl game to have Chinese
Smooth & Silky 2-in-1 Dandruff
food concession stands.
Shampoo + Conditioner Bowl.
If you want to guarantee a sell-out at a
My favorite? The Boca Raton Bowl.
bowl game being played in Boca Raton,
This one is for real and is irresistibly
get yourself a Barbra Streisand imper-
the stuff of Jewish comedy. I mean,
sonator to sing the national anthem, a
come on, one of the teams playing was
klezmer marching band to perform at
Temple! If it’s in Boca, one would have
halftime and, to ensure that even the
to assume it was a Jewish Temple, right? most observant of the predominantly
This is one of those topics that just
Jewish crowd was happy, play the game
writes itself. Which begs the legal ques-
with a football made out of something
tion: If this column writes itself, whom
other than pigskin. Now you’re talking a
am I plagiarizing?
full house. Hold on, I’m not done.

I’d hire vendors to sell only decaf cof-
fee, wearing aprons that say, “Yes, I’m
sure this is decaf.” I’d extend halftime
by at least 20 minutes to accommodate
fans with prostate problems. And the
icing on the cake? Hand out cake! A nice
portion, mind you, but distribute it at
the end of the game in a styrofoam box;
something for fans to nosh on after their
chartered bus drops them back off at
their condos. And that’s how you guar-
antee a successful bowl game in Boca
Raton, Fla.
Not into Jewish-themed football?
Then perhaps you’ll enjoy reading my
future column about the world’s only
major, all-Jewish pro golf tournament
— The Yiddish Open; last year, it came
down to the last putz. And this spring
don’t miss my predictions of who will
play in next fall’s Jewish senior baseball
championship — The World Tsuris,
which was rocked last year by scandal
when all the players tested positive for
illegally high doses of Lipitor. Until next
month, be a good sport.

*

Alan Muskovitz is a writer, voice-over/acting tal-
ent, speaker, emcee and a regular guest host on the
Mitch Albom Show on WJR AM 760. Visit his website
at laughwithbigal.com.

As we ring in the New Year,
join NCJW/Greater Detroit
in celebrating 125 years
of commitment to social
justice for women, children,
and families.

Be a part of NCJW/Greater
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U-M Owes Pro-Israel
Student An Apology

The University of Michigan’s Central
Student Government (CSG) unquestion-
ably did the right thing when it cleared
Jesse Arm, a CSG student representative,
of any ethics violations after he simply
voiced his objection to the timing and
appropriateness of an anti-Israel campus
demonstration held on the same day that
two terrorist attacks occurred in Israel,
killing several innocents including an
18-year old American “gap year” student
(“Speaking Up For Israel,” Dec. 17, page
18).
But serious issues remain, and so
far, U-M doesn’t seem inclined to
address them. Mr. Arm was harassed,
maligned and threatened with the loss
of his student government position
simply because he exercised his First

Amendment freedoms.
Every student at U-M — particularly
those who, like Jesse, disagree with
the hateful anti-Israel views of the so-
called “Students Allied for Freedom and
Equality” (SAFE) — has now gotten the
message that they, too, could be targeted
and put through the wringer if they
speak up — and their university leader-
ship will not say a single thing about it.
U-M President Mark Schlissel needs
to exercise leadership and set the record
straight: He should issue a strong state-
ment to the entire university community,
making it clear that Jesse Arm acted
lawfully and ethically when he criticized
SAFE’s anti-Israel demonstration; that
SAFE and the CSG were wrong to ques-
tion Mr. Arm’s ethics and owe him an
apology; and that the university will not
allow this debacle to be repeated and will
stand behind every student’s unfettered

right to express his/her views without
fear of adverse consequences.
President Schlissel’s silence to this
point surely puts in doubt the univer-
sity’s alleged commitment to a safe and
inclusive campus environment. He was
requested to speak out by the eight
organizations who co-signed the Zionist
Organization of America’s letter on the
situation. The University in 2013 did
not speak out against the BDS activists’
intimidation documented in the film
Crossing the Line 2, either. Why?
Importantly, we expect and encour-
age alumni and concerned members of
the community to let President Schlissel
know that they are dissatisfied with his
leadership on this issue and expect more
from him.

Eugene Greenstein and Ed Kohl,
ZOA-MI Region
West Bloomfield

Please join us for our
celebrations throughout the
year. Be a part of this
incredible organization that
has been going strong
for 125 years.

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ZHEVLWHRUJLYHXVDFDOO

MISSION:
The National Council of Jewish Women
(NCJW) is a grassroots organization
of volunteers and advocates who turn
progressive ideals into action. Inspired
by Jewish values, NCJW strives for
social justice by improving the quality
of life for women, children and families
and by safeguarding individual rights
and freedoms.

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January 7 • 2016

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