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'Tis The Season
Gift-giving holidays can trigger compulsive shoppers.
Linda Lederman I Special to the Jewish News
N
ow that we're in the midst of the
"It started slowly:' she said. "I rational-
busiest shopping season of the
ized when I bought things I didn't need
year, it's interesting to note that
because Steve was never around:'
close to 10 percent of American adults
When Steve discovered the extent of
have a compulsive shopping problem
Lori's shopping habits, he called the bou-
— and most of them are women, said
tiques where she shopped and told them
Terrence Shulman, a Southfield-based
not to let her make any further purchases.
behavioral addiction therapist and author.
Lori was humiliated. Steve gave her a
His book, Bought Out
choice: find someone to help her or keep
and $pent, Recovery
shopping compulsively and get a divorce.
from Compulsive $hop-
That's when Lori contacted a therapist.
ping and $pending,
"I knew I had to stop, but I loved shop-
offers strategies to com-
ping. It made me feel alive she said. "I've
bat the addiction and
been in recovery for a decade, but even
shares stories of those
now I have to resist the temptation to over-
who shop compulsively.
shop:'
"Two-thirds
of
my
cli-
Terrence
ents are women; women PERVASIVE PROBLEM
Shulman
shop more because they
"Lori's story is not uncommon:' Shulman
do most of the shopping for the family:'
said. "I'd say about half of my clients with
Shulman said. "Men suffer, too, but their
a shopping addiction report having felt
shopping is manifested differently. They
materially deprived growing up, which
buy electronics and cars:'
also leads to feelings of sadness, jealously,
Compulsive shoppers also fall into cat-
anger and shame. It's easy to see how one
egories that go beyond the sexes, Shulman
could grow up trying to make up for lost
said. "There are bulimic shoppers who
time by overspending:'
compulsively buy and return their pur-
Despite the high number of compulsive
chases; bargain shoppers who get a rush
shoppers, the mental health community
from the deal, but never use
does not formally recognize the
the items; image shoppers
BOUGHT OUT AND $PENT! disorder.
who are driven by the need
"There is a big push to make
to keep up; and co-depen-
it in the DSM, the Diagnostic
dent shoppers who shop for
and Statistical Manual of
others to feel loved:'
Mental Disorders:' Shulman
A case study:
said. "It is only in the last 20
Feeling unloved and alone
years that we have taken it seri-
4 ".1
ir
are emotions Lori has lived
ously. We live in an addicted
■ ea--
„ f -
with since childhood. Raised
world where the Internet offers
Terrence Daryl Shulman. JD. LMSW
Jewish in the predomi-
the ability to buy any time of
nately Jewish Oak Park of the
the day or night:'
1960s, Lori nonetheless felt
Because everyone has to shop
like an outsider. Most of her
at one time or another, com-
classmates lived in homes with two par-
pulsive shopping often goes unrecognized
ents, while she, an only child, lived with
until it creates unsustainable levels of debt
her single working mother in an apart-
in the shopper's life.
ment.
"It is an insidious addiction, magni-
As she grew older, Lori vowed that her
fied by the approaching holiday season:'
life would be different from her divorced
Shulman said. "There are a lot of com-
mother's. And it was. Lori studied hard,
plicated issues going into Chanukah. It
received a scholarship from a good school
becomes a bacchanal of excess:'
and met Steve, a boy from a prominent
And gift-giving holidays are loaded with
Jewish family. They married after gradua-
triggers, such as difficult family members
tion. Steve went on to law school.
or memories of a deceased loved one, for
Lori worked while her husband was in
compulsive shoppers, he said.
school. She liked earning her own money.
Even with Chanukah just around the
She finally could buy the things for herself corner, Stefani, a compulsive shopper, has
that, as a child, she could only dream of
decided to start therapy to help her end
having.
her shopping addiction.
RECOVERY from
COMPULSIVE SHOPPING and SPENDING
/111, OA %1 ■ 1111,.
■■ L
24 December 3 2015
I/ /
J.
"Terry told me not to binge before
I begin therapy:' the 58 year-old Long
Island native said. Still, she admits she has
already bought holiday gifts for her family.
Similar to other addictions, compulsive
shopping is accompanied by guilt and shame.
"I am sure my neighbors wonder what's
wrong with me when they see boxes lined
up outside my door:' Stefani said. "It's to
the point that when I am out I think about
what Internet sites I want to hit as soon as
I get home:'
Stefani's shopping intensified when
she was diagnosed with a chronic illness.
Unable to return to her nursing job, she
began to shop to fill the space her work
once occupied.
"Work was my identity:' said Stefani,
who also is Jewish. She found Shulman
after her second marriage fell apart, due
in part to the $42,000 in debt she incurred
from her shopping habit. "I read Terry's
book, then I called him:'
Although compulsive shopping is not
exclusive to the Jewish community, its
impact is hard to dismiss.
"We all want our slice of the American
dream:' Shulman said. As a culture, we
feel extra pressure to keep up, to show we
are doing well. Combined with the fact
that we are such a small community, com-
pulsive shopping appears more pervasive:'
How do you know if your shopping has
become an addiction?
"Ask yourself if you feel preoccupied by
shopping:' Shuman advised. "If you do,
stay off the Internet, find a support group
like Debtors Anonymous and admit you
have a problem. Look at the messages your
purchases are sending to your kids. Having
stuff is fine, but maybe it's time to take a
deeper look:' *
Reach Terrence Shulman at (248) 358-8508 or go to
theshulmancenter.com .
Tips For Curbing
Shopping Addiction
•Admit you have a problem.
•Confide in someone for support and
accountability.
•Avoid tempting places like stores, the
Internet and shopping channels.
•Stay away from your old shopping bud-
dies.
• Use cash or money orders instead of
credit cards.
•Join a support group like Debtors
Anonymous or Shopaholics Anonymous.
• Educate key family members and
friends about your situation and how you
wish to be supported.
•Seek out and engage in specialized
therapy for shopping addiction.
• Beware of relapses that cause you to
substitute your shopping addiction for
another addiction.
•Consult your accountant or financial
adviser.
•Spend time organizing and donating
excess items.
•Volunteer at a homeless shelter.
•Take a walk when you feel the urge to
shop for unnecessary items.
•Make a shopping list before you go to
the grocery.