family focus

Amplify
Your August

A

ugust. The warmest month of
start of our family's year, what do you need
summer. The harvest of
to do before the beginning of
our delicious bounty in
your family's year in the fall?
Michigan. The month before the
If you have been on a summer
frenzy of fall. August is the calm
recess with a relaxed schedule,
before the storm of a new year,
how do you transition to the rig-
for fall is the beginning of the
ors of a new year?
year in so many ways.
As a mental health profes-
It, of course, is the begin-
sional, I know this is a time of
ning of the Jewish year. It is the
increased stress for families as
beginning of the school year.
the fall season often feels laden
It is even the beginning of the
with expectations. Our children
governmental fiscal year. (In
absorb the heavy loads of school
Ell en
this way, much of our society
and extracurricular activities,
Yash insky
runs on Jewish time!)
and we, as their parents, feel
Ch ute
The Jewish year is our time
increased loads as well. The feel-
sentry. It grounds us in a cyclical
ings that surround this period of
journey that frames our very existence, as
time are deeply embedded in us, as we have
individuals and as families. We may celebrate deep muscle memory of our own angst at
the secular New Year in January, but it is a
this time of year, which we feel again when
mere celebration. The Jewish year provides
our children experience it.
our rhythm, our ritual, our foundation.
I find myself still aware of these mixed
I heard on the news that Congress will
feelings of excitement, anticipation, and
have only a short time when they return
anxiety as I watch my grandchildren follow
from their summer recess to approve the
this pattern as they prepare to move from
budget before the beginning of the new fis-
summer to fall and begin their own years of
cal year. If we think of the Jewish year as the
development

We are poised to take this leap each
August. It's not a matter of preference; our
social structures move us along the river
towards fall and the new year. There are two
major considerations at this point on our
journey: the first being what lies ahead for
us; the second and, most important, is what
is happening now? How do we fully experi-
ence and make the most of each day of our
ending year?
Do you have a yearly bucket list? If you
do, what's on it? If you don't, this might
be the perfect time to create one. Think of
things you might like to see or activities you
would like to experience.
I would like to offer a couple of sugges-
tions for your list. My first suggestion would
be to appreciate your family. Even though
there will be times when they are annoying
or disrespectful ... times when they will
make mistakes ... think about their posi-
tive qualities. And let them know what you

appreciate about them. Easier said than
done, right?
We all experience times when we are
blinded by our feelings and it's hard to
access anything positive. Here's where my
second suggestion comes in—appreciate
yourself. You know when those negative
voices in your head try to convince you that
you or your family members don't measure
up in some way? There is always another
more positive voice buried in there that
appreciates you.
Close your eyes for a moment, release
the tension in your body. Find the positive
voice. It's there. And it could change the
world — it will for certain change yours
— and it might likely change your family
members as well. Enjoy August!

❑

Ellen Yashinksy Chute is the chief community

outreach officer at Jewish Family Service.

When Is It Time To Give Up Driving?

T

he National Highway Traffic Safety
Administration reported that the
number of drivers over age 65 is
expanding so quickly that today we rep-
resent more than 15 percent of
all licensed drivers. Boomers in
the next 20 years will cause that
number to triple. We've finally
become a big deal to the demo-
graphics people.
Those of us lucky enough to
be born or raised in Detroit have
cars embedded in our psyche.
Eight Mile to Ted's and back,
often dozens of times a night,
provided constant stimulation,
occasional great socialization
and pretty confident driving skills.
Driving continues to be a deep passion
as we grow older because it means so much
more than just getting from place to place.
It's our independence. It's our access. It's a
sense of control over our lives.
Studies show that sharing the streets
with mature drivers poses a relatively low
risk to other drivers. Older drivers are usu-
ally pretty safe. We drive fewer miles and
most of those miles are driven during the

daylight hours.
However, starting at age 75, the risk of
having a collision becomes statistically
equal to the risk of drivers aged 16-24. The
aging process sanctifies humans
with natural declines in vision,
hearing, strength, flexibility and
reflexes. Any of these changes
can affect driving in the area of
sensory and motor skills, and
cognitive abilities.
Taking multiple prescriptions
or over-the-counter medications
can increase the likelihood of
poor driving, especially if there
are different prescribing physi-
cians. This is called polyphar-
macy. Late-night TV commercials spend
more time on the potential negative side
effects than they do the actual benefits of
the drugs they are selling.
If you think there's a possibility that
Mom or Dad is feeling these adverse effects
from polypharmacy, gather up all the medi-
cation containers and take them to your
friendly neighborhood pharmacist to do
a computer analysis. You can get a better
understanding of each med's adverse side

effects and which are counterproductive
with one another.
Successful family conversations about
a parent or spouse's driving competency
usually begin with adequate preparation
and caring, sensitive communication. The
traditional family role should consist of
assessing the older driver's capabilities and
developing a plan for alternate transporta-
tion or driver rehabilitation when driving
skills begin to decline.
It's important to pick out the right per-
son within the "family council" to begin
the conversation. Many decisions regarding
parent care issues are made as a group with
open discussion to give everyone an oppor-
tunity to voice their opinion. However, this
initial conversation should be done one-
on-one with your mature driver. You don't
want this to feel like an intervention.
Tip: Hearing sensitive information from
the right person is huge. When address-
ing diminished safe driving capabilities, if
there is a spouse involved, they have the
advantages of observed driving over time
and decades of experience dealing with one
another's limitations.
When you begin the process early

enough, effective communications can
encourage future planning and frank, open
discussions while the older driver can
still make rational choices. Let Mom or
Dad have pride of ownership of the plan.
Together you'll be setting benchmarks
leading to objective driving standards to
uphold and creating a roadmap toward
"designated passenger" status.
Truth be told, I failed miserably on this
one. My mom was driving independently
at age 95. Meaning nobody would take
the risk of driving with her. She was clear
thinking, but physically shrinking. Driving
behind her was like following a Google test
car. She had no tickets or accidents that
we knew of and, being a Jewish Mom, she
managed her guilt creds very well to keep
driving.
We finally took away the keys after my
brother and I witnessed a near miss that
could have had catastrophic results.

❑

Sandy Linden is founder/president of

Professional Parent Care in Southfield. If you

have a unique experience that resolved a family

caregiving challenge to share, email him at

slinden@professionalparentcare.com .

August 20 • 2015

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