ETCETERA

NIGHTCAP

Seriously?

The Donald

By Harry Kirsbaum

the universe has corrected itself,
this column will be, hopefully, out

If

of date.
But I fear the stench of a Trump bid
for president will be with us until he
gets bored or tired of spending part
of the $10 billion he says he's worth.
I'm not sure if he's a megalomaniac,
showing signs of early onset demen­
tia or suffering from ADHD; I'm sure
that voting forTrump for anything

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curtain closed in the

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voting booth,
hope that most of you will select a

serious

name on

Since he

Trump

the ballot.
his campaign,

began

is in the process of suing Uni­

$500 million, boycotting
Macy's and talking trash about NBC,

vision for

(248) 865-6400

5807 W.

Mople

•

MSNBC, Brian Williams and anyone

stupid enough to watch NBC for end­
ing its relationship with him because

Suite 177 West Bloomfield

•

of his comments about Mexicans.
Most recently, he jabbed at Sen.
John McCain's status as a war hero
when he said, "I like people who
don't get captured:'
Nice putdown for someone who
got four deferments. What's next,
Don, joking about Holocaust survi­
vors because they got captured, too?
He has also fought with, among
others, Rosie O'Donnell, Jon Stew­
art, Bill Maher, a writer from Modern
Family and magician Penn Jillette. As
Trump said himself, they are all either
ugly, fat, stupid and/or not very suc­
cessful. Wow, what a vocabulary for a
billionaire.
Do you really want someone with
that kind of pettiness in the White

House?

Trump only feels threatened by
other famous or rich people who
disagree with him.
The rest of us are losers by de­

fault. We don't have the money or
the fame, so Trump doesn't have
to remind us. We're nothing but a
vote; otherwise, he wouldn't even

acknowledge us as

He's been

a

humans.

classless, 24Kjerk since

the 1980s, when Robin Leach and
his Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous

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-

there.)

He will build a wall on Mexico's
border and make them pay for it, but
he won't say how he will convince

Mexico to do that. (Mexican laborers
build his hotels.)

Because to Trump,

no one

is

richer,

successful than
Trump. So why wouldn't he run
to rule the world from the White

smarter or more

bathroom fixtures at Trump's Mar-a­
Lago Club in Palm Beach.
He's rich, very rich, with a net worth

Court because he's too smart to take

Cabinet, Congress or even

a

Supreme

of over $10 BILLION (caps included
in his financial disclosure statement).
Mark Cuban, anotherfoe,' says that

advice from a bunch of losers, and
the Constitution was written by a
bunch of old guys in bad wigs who
didn't own hotels.

is a paper tiger and his wealth
play number. Trump is also known
for being incredibly cheap in his chari-

So vote for Trump, if you want a
president who will act just like King
George III.

is

38

of making his celebrity apprentices
raise money for charity as part of the
contest, but the money never came
from Trump; he just set the stage.
I'll miss the show on a certain level.
I always tried to watch the ending,
when the celebrities were waiting for
Trump to enter the wood-paneled
boardroom to see which team won
and who would be "fired"
The camera would pan to the door
behind Trump's leather chair. As soft,
but dramatic background music
played, the door would open, reveal­
ing Donald Trump, face scowling as
though he made another unsuccess­
ful attempt at a bowel movement.
That's the image I want of Donald
Trump. Reality show host. Braggart.
Huckster. Snob.
I don't want another image of
Trump with a double-digit lead in
the polls in a Republican field that
has swelled to 16 candidates.
How can this be?
He's not"in it to win it:' He's in it for
himself.
Yes, he says outrageous things that
a normal politician would never say.
He says things normal people
wouldn't say because they'd spend
most of their time in the dentist chair
replacing their knocked-out teeth.
He's the guy in the bar who has all
the answers
a noxious Cliff Claven.
He has a foolproof plan to defeat
ISIS, but he won't tell us yet.
He will out-negotiate China, but
he's a little short of specifics. (His
shirts and ties are manufactured

House? No one has, or ever will be, a
better president than Trump. And he
wouldn't need a White House staff, a

Trump

2015350

According to Charity Navigator,

the Donald J. Trump Foundation has
$1.4 million in assets and $569,000 in
income. He did have the reputation

crew

chased him and his first Eastern
European wife around his solid gold

November 17-December 6
Fisher Theatre

table giving.

a