been great to partner with organizations we
can recommend with trust:' LoPatin says.
"Rebecca Abel of the WDRC came to us
to let us know about workshops her group
plans, and we have told our participants
about them:'
Divorce Resource Center
Abel, a financial analyst, organized the
Women's Divorce
Resource Center in 2012,
when she was going
through divorce. Although
professionally she coun-
sels divorcing individuals
about money matters,
she had other concerns to
explore for herself.
"I had heard about
a community resource
group in Chicago and wanted to bring a
similar resource to this area:' Abel says. "The
idea was to present workshops that would
cover legal, emotional and financial issues:'
Abel brought together women willing to
volunteer in planning programs. The first
workshop was in January 2013.
"Our goal is to educate and empower
women:' she says. "We want to move them
forward. I try to network with Jewish orga-
nizations so we can help each other's popu-
lations7
An all-volunteer board of advisers sup-
ports volunteer program directors to come
up with workshop topics and presenters.
With a virtual contact center, they alternate
spaces for meetings.
The nonprofit WDRC charges attendees
only for expenses.
"We get a lot of calls for professional refer-
rals, but that is not really what we set out to
do:' says Abel, whose goals were to arrange
sessions with experts having experience in
11
6
Rebecca Abel
Sharing information and feelings helps heal
those going through divorce.
I
Suzanne Chessler
Contributing Writer
A
ndy Mather has been happily mar-
ried for 18 years, but he never loses
sight of the devastating issues he
faced when going through an earlier divorce.
What he believes was instrumental in
helping him through the rough times was
the Divorce Support Group sponsored by the
National Council of Jewish Women (NCJW),
Greater Detroit Section. Open to women and
men of all faiths, it is offered free.
Mather, an automotive technical writer,
believed in the program so much that he
volunteered to train as a facilitator and has
continued leading groups over many years.
A Practical
Guide To
Divorce
Ronelle Grier
Contributing Writer
n Divorce Demystified (2014,
Momentum Books, LLC), long-
time family law practitioner Henry
Gornbein combines his legal expertise
and more than 40 years of experi-
ence in a comprehensive guide to the
process of divorce, from the pre-filing
stage to the final judgment.
He includes useful information that
can help couples prevent post-divorce
conflicts about custody, parenting time,
finances and other issues.
Gornbein, whose parents were both
teachers, said he wrote the book to
I
16 July 2 • 2015
Participants exchange information in con-
fidence and learn about other community
resources, such as the Women's Divorce
Resource Center (WDRC).
The next series begins 7-8:30 p.m.
Tuesday, July 14, at NCJW offices, Suite
306, 26400 Lahser, Southfield. Sessions
continue for the next five Tuesday evenings.
Participants are asked to call before attending.
"When I was going through divorce,
someone referred me to the NCJW, and I was
able to talk with others and realize I wasn't
alone Mather says.
"People were very welcoming, and I
learned the process of divorce is a process of
grieving. It's very rewarding to realize things
are going to get better and see participants go
from disbelief to anger to the realization that
life isn't all about the other person7
Jennifer LoPatin, who holds a master's
degree in social work, is the NCJW vice
president in charge of the program.
"We want to support changing fami-
lies so very few topics are off limits:' says
LoPatin, who has never been divorced and is
approaching her 40th wedding anniversary
"We work with people who are contem-
plating divorce, getting divorced or adjusting
after completed divorce proceedings. All
have something to share and learn:'
The Divorce Support Group is not a
therapy group. Both members of a divorcing
couple are not admitted to the same series of
meetings, and advice is never given.
"A lot of people have met on their own
after a six-week series is completed, and it's
the legal divorce, the
psychological divorce, the
economic divorce and the
religious divorce.
He believes the psycho-
logical aspect is the most
d.entie
t
important and, because
divorce can cause lasting
effects for the children
help educate people about the many
as well as the couple, dissolving a
aspects of divorce, both inside and out-
marriage should be a last resort. He
side the courtroom.
recommends counseling to anyone con-
"Part of the job of a family lawyer is
templating a divorce for three major
education; divorce is complicated and
reasons.
the legal system is frightening, espe-
"The first [reason] is to try to save
cially for a layperson," said Gorbein,
the marriage and, if that isn't possible,
a frequent public speaker who has
a therapist can provide support during
contributed regularly to the divorce
the divorce. The third reason to have a
section of the Huffington Post, and
therapist is so you don't keep marrying
produced webinars and podcasts as
the same person," said Gornbein, who
well as an award-winning cable televi-
said he has seen clients go through
sion show called Practical Law.
multiple divorces because of similar
In his book, Gornbein says divorce
recurring issues.
is not "one size fits all;" it is a compli-
The book covers topics such as
cated process with four main aspects:
choosing the right attorney, including
DIVORCE
what questions to ask during an initial
consultation; what steps to take prior
to filing, such as keeping a detailed
journal and building a support system;
custody and parenting time; and finan-
cial considerations, such as spousal
and/or child support, property division
and debt.
Gornbein devotes a chapter to social
media and issues involving computers,
cell phones and other technology. He
says the laws regarding digital spying,
electronic data evidence, listening to
or recording phone conversations are
complicated and some are still evolving
as technology continues to advance.
For example, opening an unopened
email that was sent to someone else
is the same as opening a sealed letter
addressed to another person, which is
considered mail fraud. Using spyware or
other devices that track keystrokes on
home computers is also usually illegal.
According to Gornbein, Facebook can
be a potential minefield for divorcing