COMMUNITY

JEWFRO

Dr. Strangelove ... Or:
How I Learned To Stop Worrying
And Love The Following ...

By Ben Falik

GIVEAWAY

Maybe
aybe this is a symptom of my

'/3-life crisis. Turning 33.33 and
realizing I've only got 60, maybe
70 good years ahead of me. Things
that used to get stuck in my craw
now floss out with ease — and not
because I've got a bone to pick.
What used to make my blood boil
becomes cool as a cucumber under
an electric blanket with a mug of
chamomile tea. Blow a fuse? I've got
a circuit breaker for that now. By way
of example:
Snapchat. Slate technology
writer Will Oremus, who is both a
year younger than I and a technol-
ogy writer for slate.com, asks, "Is
Snapchat Really Confusing, or Am
I Just Old?" Hard to say. Here's how
the app works: You take a picture or
video, possibly on purpose; you send
it, without realizing you've sent it, to
whomever you just sent it to; they
view it or don't view it and then it
disappears forever or it doesn't.
Aw, snap — I love it. Snapchat
makes me feel young, except when
the camera is facing me and it makes
me feel old. The ephemerality is
liberating. Pictures can be a little out
of focus; videos can have narration
of you being yelled at for taking a
video. You can superimpose text or
scribbles to punctuate your moment
of fuzzy, noisy brilliance. And then
the moment is shared. And then the
moment is gone.
Kidz Bop. My kids are backseat
DJs now — DJ Judah Maccabbee
and DJ Lady Bird. They spin Kidz Bop.
What is Kidz Bop, you ask? Lucky for
you, kidzbop.com anticipates all five
of your frequently asked questions:
"Kidz Bop records kid-friendly ver-
sions of today's biggest pop music
hits," releasing four albums per year
— mostly recently"Kidz Bop 28" (pre-
order"Kidz Bop 29"today) — all of
which feature the Kidz Bop Kids, who
perform live in 25 cities every year.
Kidz Bop versions of all your
favorite unavoidable songs feature
lyrics that are marginally clearer and
tamer sung by children who are not
your children: In "All About That Bass;'
no[tably more] treble,"Boys they like
a little more booty to hold at night ...
You know I won't be no stick figure
silicone Barbie doll" becomes "Don't
let it keep you at home in your room
at night ... You know I won't be no

RED URN

A new winner every month!

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July Giveaway

PRIME 10

RESTAURANT

stick figure fake plastic Barbie doll!'
Still a little racy for my tastes.
Dad Bod. Before the term Dad
Bod ("a nice balance between a
beer gut and working out ... not an
overweight guy, but it isn't one with
washboard abs, either") took the
Internet by storm this spring, I was
coming to terms with my own. With
each passing bikini season, there's
been just a little bit more of me to
love. While I did not carry my chil-
dren, I now carry my children. And it's
about all the exercise I can handle,
unless eating their leftover chicken
fingers counts as exercise.
The day I learned about Dad Bod
(and, yes, acknowledged it is inher-
ently unfair to all the diverse and
beautiful Mom Bods out there) was
the best day of my life — other
than the days I met the people who
earned me dad status in the first
place.
Lifeguards. Is there a more
inherently judgmental group than
lifeguards? Their job is literally — and
I mean "literally" in the literal sense
of the term — to look down on you
from on high. From behind their
judgy Ray Bans.Their tanned, toned
tummies, their whistles and Walkie
Talkies, their absolute aquatic author-
ity. Hope someone snapchatted them
this Dad Bod because I won't be no
stick figure fake plastic Barbie doll.

$100 GIFT CARD TO
PRIME 10 IN OAK PARK

15600 W. 10 Mile Unit 17
Southfield, MI 48075
248-327-7344

last month's winner

17flircTiM.
WILDLIFE PARK

7

Katie of West Bloomfield won

Six Person V.I.P. Pass to the African Safari Wildlife Park

Prizes may vary and prize must be claimed within 30 days of winning or they are voided.

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Thread.

RED TIMID I July 2015 21